Nonsense...do not read

I feel so bad today. Maybe it's SADD. I hope so, because it's always better when you have something to blame unhappiness on and you don't have to worry about the fact that you might be clinically depressed or that your life might actually be that bad. Like when you realize that the morale-pulled-straight-into-the-gutter feeling is probably due to PMS, then you can go eat some Ben and Jerry's and be perfectly relieved.

I cried about Olive a bit today when I was driving. It felt fairly genuine which I suppose should make me happy instead of depressed. Good Lord, though, listen to me! I need to make a decision to stop being so galactically down in the dumps, because this is getting to be a bit Bridget Jones here. Hmmm, let me be my own therapist...



Things that made me happy:

Chloe's tea from France--every time I take a sip it actually makes me forget for a second that I am depressed.

Today when (name deleted) came and asked me for something "a girl might have" to help with redness on his face from shaving. At first I thought he was talking about some kind of lotion, but he wanted concealer. He was very impressed at how well it worked too.--pretty much adorable, and that actually made me smile for a couple of minutes.

My Mexican pizza--I have only ever eaten this at Don Eduardo's, but I took fully 30 minutes to make one tonight at home and it was just as good. I even made guacamole that Michelle and JB finished off because they said it was so yummy.

Scrubs--the one on tonight was the one where JD feels like Terk (sp?) is not spending enough time with him. I love it when he blurts out "Sometimes I miss you so much that it hurts inside." Cute. I wish I could say that for real to Olive.

Chloe--Lovely girl. What can I say....she continues to take care of me even when I am a biznatch and one glimpse of me crying will make her leave what she's doing and come comfort me. I would probably also drink less than 1 glass of water every three days if not for her.

Music--I love that they gave us each a new song at the Senate concert last night. And you know what, listening to silly things like Mmmbop make me feel somewhat better. Don't judge me, I know you have listened to Hanson at some point in your life too.

Max and Samantha are dating--Cute. They give me hope for everyone else's failing relationships and for other people's non-existent love lives.

My little sister--She's 13 now and she just went to her first protest the other day....and it was fully a March on Washington too. Adorable, no? That's my girl, growing up to be a rebel. It was some sort of anti-war, peace now march in DC.

I suppose I get to pick a new word of the week since its now technically Sunday.--I will have to think about what I want, but it will inevitably make me happy.



See now, isn't that better? I at least sound more like myself, even if I still feel a little bit like Ronald Reagan has been giving me the Dementor's Kiss.

Whoops, another emo thought just popped into my head: I imagined Olive's funeral over and over weeks before she was dead.
When I die, I want someone to play the song Dedication and Windsong by the composer James Horner. And I want people to sing the Swahili bit. It's easy enough to learn. And I want the song that goes "When the morning falls on the farthest hill...", and also As the Deer.

I wish my cousin were here to save me from my own self-pity.