I used to really hate Ted. That's why I named him Ted. But now I quite like him. I would even not mind spending more time with him. Not like I want to chill. Just that he is seriously funny and generally enjoyable to be around. The perfect amount of self-deprecating without taking himself too seriously.
I think that this is very positive. It shows that I am not overly judgmental. And its like a cute little surprise. Taking a sip of water only to find out that it is a mimosa. Hot dog! It makes it even better than a mimosa that you thought was a mimosa.
Huskies=#1 in Pac-10 for 2009. Yes, they could have to share that spot. But I doubt it. Because UCLA will lose one of their upcoming games. And we will NOT allow Wazzu to win the basketball Apple Cup.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Cortisol Days
I am so angsty these days. I mean my general level of angst is higher than your average 21 year-old, but I am even more on edge these days.
Things that keep me up at night:
1. Giving my two weeks notice tomorrow at work. Doesn't have to be awkward, but I will make it awkward just because that's the way I am. Plus my boss will unintentionally make me feel guilty/slighted/embarrassed. No comments from the Ms Roosevelt camp, please.
2. Visiting law schools on my own. I don't do well when I am completely on my own in foreign cities. I have a feeling it will be a terrifying and awkward (of course) experience. People don't seem to like me in Baltimore all that much so how am I supposed to fair where nobody knows me and I am even more scared/shy.
3. Financing law school. Even just applying for financial aid gives me chest pain.
4. Choosing a law school. Butterflies here, not pain.
5. Stupid lab corp is after me for money and the insurance already paid them but lab corp my name spelled wrong on the forms so it won't go through. Sketchy agency. Plus, they have sent the bill to collections which will screw with my credit report which will screw with me getting student loans. Unless of course it doesn't show up on my credit report on account of them using a completely butchered version of my name.
6. Husky games that go into overtime because of silly mistakes. I forgive you Justin Dentman. You are still my favorite. Behind B-Roy and Tre and Nate and Bobby Jones. Yes, in that order.
Things that keep me up at night:
1. Giving my two weeks notice tomorrow at work. Doesn't have to be awkward, but I will make it awkward just because that's the way I am. Plus my boss will unintentionally make me feel guilty/slighted/embarrassed. No comments from the Ms Roosevelt camp, please.
2. Visiting law schools on my own. I don't do well when I am completely on my own in foreign cities. I have a feeling it will be a terrifying and awkward (of course) experience. People don't seem to like me in Baltimore all that much so how am I supposed to fair where nobody knows me and I am even more scared/shy.
3. Financing law school. Even just applying for financial aid gives me chest pain.
4. Choosing a law school. Butterflies here, not pain.
5. Stupid lab corp is after me for money and the insurance already paid them but lab corp my name spelled wrong on the forms so it won't go through. Sketchy agency. Plus, they have sent the bill to collections which will screw with my credit report which will screw with me getting student loans. Unless of course it doesn't show up on my credit report on account of them using a completely butchered version of my name.
6. Husky games that go into overtime because of silly mistakes. I forgive you Justin Dentman. You are still my favorite. Behind B-Roy and Tre and Nate and Bobby Jones. Yes, in that order.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Tissues falling and gum on my skirt.
Academy Awards tonight. Yay for Slumdog.
Olive's family used to have a party the night of the Oscars. And Olive and I and any other of our friends that were there used to dress up in her mother's old prom dresses. Huge bows, bright satin and out of control puff. And we used to fill out our ballots very faithfully, all vying for the Starbucks coffee card or whatever else was the prize for most accurate award predictions.
Tonight my sister had her friends over to our house. They dressed up in fancy dresses and we printed out ballots for them to vote.
I feel like my time has passed. Now I just sit back and watch other people and remember when. I should be too young to feel this over.
And then I chose to read a flighty bedtime book to distract and comfort me before sleep. It promised to be about a cheating fiancee, fashion magazine editing and finding love in New York. But now, halfway through, the story has become focused on the heroine's best friend being suddenly diagnosed with AIDS, and her watching him die from afar. Absolutely perfect.
I feel very very alone.
Olive's family used to have a party the night of the Oscars. And Olive and I and any other of our friends that were there used to dress up in her mother's old prom dresses. Huge bows, bright satin and out of control puff. And we used to fill out our ballots very faithfully, all vying for the Starbucks coffee card or whatever else was the prize for most accurate award predictions.
Tonight my sister had her friends over to our house. They dressed up in fancy dresses and we printed out ballots for them to vote.
I feel like my time has passed. Now I just sit back and watch other people and remember when. I should be too young to feel this over.
And then I chose to read a flighty bedtime book to distract and comfort me before sleep. It promised to be about a cheating fiancee, fashion magazine editing and finding love in New York. But now, halfway through, the story has become focused on the heroine's best friend being suddenly diagnosed with AIDS, and her watching him die from afar. Absolutely perfect.
I feel very very alone.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Road Trip Food Stops
Panera
My mother accosts a cashier: "So you decided to trademark Peppadew?! How can you trademark Peppadew? It's a vegetable, it should belong to everyone."
Turns out that Peppadews are not normal vegetables (hence the capitalization). They are sweet piquante peppers only grown in the Limpopo province of South Africa and trademarked by Peppadew International. So in order for Panera to advertise their use of Peppadew flavors they are required to include the trademark sign. Who knew.
Starbucks
Never trust out of the way Starbucks. I always find that my drinks come out tasting a little burnt there. Plus they did not give me whipped cream like I asked for (hello, just because I wanted nonfat does not mean that I don't want whipped cream) and instead gave me an excess of foam. I hate foam. It makes me want to throw up. That is how I know that I would not enjoy going to the restaurant that belongs to the current "Best Chef in the World" because his specialty is flavored foam. Gag me.
Cracker Barrel
They should have one of these in every town in our fine nation. Apart from the regrettable lack of natural light (they cover all the windows...???), I had THE PERFECT breakfast. Where else can you get bacon, ham, sausage, biscuits, gravy, eggs, hash brown and sauteed apples all for less than eight dollars? Nowhere, that's where. And they also gave me grits too, but I don't do grits.
Subway
Lots of pickles means minimum 20, not 10. Get a clue.
Olive Garden
We are doing that tonight. Birthday girl's choice. I am soooo looking forward to the salad. If I could only pick 15 things to eat for the rest of my life one of them would be Olive Garden salads. The only thing I am not looking forward too about Olive Garden tonight is the hour wait that we will inevitably have to endure because nobody in my uncle and aunt's household can make it out the door before 7:30 at night. Plus this time together will give my parents more time to question me on my life plan. Every time they start a conversation with me these days its "in ten years you should be moving on to your second career, what career will that be?" or "you need to pick what area of law you want to go into and what coast you see yourself living on in the long run." Aaaagh, I just want to be left alone and read John Grisham.
My mother has just fallen asleep at the foot of the twin bed I am currently in. Hmm.
"Cory's eyes are like a jungle,
He smiles its like the radio,"
-T-Swi, Stay Beautiful
My mother accosts a cashier: "So you decided to trademark Peppadew?! How can you trademark Peppadew? It's a vegetable, it should belong to everyone."
Turns out that Peppadews are not normal vegetables (hence the capitalization). They are sweet piquante peppers only grown in the Limpopo province of South Africa and trademarked by Peppadew International. So in order for Panera to advertise their use of Peppadew flavors they are required to include the trademark sign. Who knew.
Starbucks
Never trust out of the way Starbucks. I always find that my drinks come out tasting a little burnt there. Plus they did not give me whipped cream like I asked for (hello, just because I wanted nonfat does not mean that I don't want whipped cream) and instead gave me an excess of foam. I hate foam. It makes me want to throw up. That is how I know that I would not enjoy going to the restaurant that belongs to the current "Best Chef in the World" because his specialty is flavored foam. Gag me.
Cracker Barrel
They should have one of these in every town in our fine nation. Apart from the regrettable lack of natural light (they cover all the windows...???), I had THE PERFECT breakfast. Where else can you get bacon, ham, sausage, biscuits, gravy, eggs, hash brown and sauteed apples all for less than eight dollars? Nowhere, that's where. And they also gave me grits too, but I don't do grits.
Subway
Lots of pickles means minimum 20, not 10. Get a clue.
Olive Garden
We are doing that tonight. Birthday girl's choice. I am soooo looking forward to the salad. If I could only pick 15 things to eat for the rest of my life one of them would be Olive Garden salads. The only thing I am not looking forward too about Olive Garden tonight is the hour wait that we will inevitably have to endure because nobody in my uncle and aunt's household can make it out the door before 7:30 at night. Plus this time together will give my parents more time to question me on my life plan. Every time they start a conversation with me these days its "in ten years you should be moving on to your second career, what career will that be?" or "you need to pick what area of law you want to go into and what coast you see yourself living on in the long run." Aaaagh, I just want to be left alone and read John Grisham.
My mother has just fallen asleep at the foot of the twin bed I am currently in. Hmm.
"Cory's eyes are like a jungle,
He smiles its like the radio,"
-T-Swi, Stay Beautiful
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Class is...
Not using your last possession of the game to dunk on the opposing team that you are already beating by 9 points.
Not insinuating that the opposing team is "dirty".
Referees who actually call fouls especially when they are egregious and game-changing.
Student sections with witty cheers and not "Gary Coleman" taunts that were scammed off the Oregon student section's abuse of Nate Robinson almost three years ago. Seriously. Get some newer, classier material.
Bands that don't wear Hawaiian shirts for their uniforms.
Not UCLA.
Not insinuating that the opposing team is "dirty".
Referees who actually call fouls especially when they are egregious and game-changing.
Student sections with witty cheers and not "Gary Coleman" taunts that were scammed off the Oregon student section's abuse of Nate Robinson almost three years ago. Seriously. Get some newer, classier material.
Bands that don't wear Hawaiian shirts for their uniforms.
Not UCLA.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
I take it back.
So. I didn't mean to go off about Josh specifically.
I meant that I just like to say "I feel" and I don't want to be bugged about it.
Either he read my last two posts and is angry at me, or he is just mean and angry in general because I just woke up to a "let's have no more contact...leave me alone!" facebook message.
There are no words.
I meant that I just like to say "I feel" and I don't want to be bugged about it.
Either he read my last two posts and is angry at me, or he is just mean and angry in general because I just woke up to a "let's have no more contact...leave me alone!" facebook message.
There are no words.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
And one more thing...
Josh always said that I say "I feel" too much. We even had an intense fight about it once. That was the same fight where he told me that I shouldn't talk about politics in his country since I didn't grow up there.
I understand that there is something to be said for not prefacing opinion statements with "I feel" just to make them more palatable. I am often guilty of that. But I also preface a lot of what I say with "I feel" because *gasp* I actually feel a lot of things. I think a lot of things too, but when you have stumbled onto a conclusion by instinct instead of a logical thought process or when you say something because of an emotional urge rather than mental stimulation that's called feeling. Webster's that shit.
And if that's just too much to handle, then I'm too much to handle, and you should date a freaking computer. Additional bonus: computers don't talk politics.
"I suffer from rage black-outs."
-Summer, The O.C.
I understand that there is something to be said for not prefacing opinion statements with "I feel" just to make them more palatable. I am often guilty of that. But I also preface a lot of what I say with "I feel" because *gasp* I actually feel a lot of things. I think a lot of things too, but when you have stumbled onto a conclusion by instinct instead of a logical thought process or when you say something because of an emotional urge rather than mental stimulation that's called feeling. Webster's that shit.
And if that's just too much to handle, then I'm too much to handle, and you should date a freaking computer. Additional bonus: computers don't talk politics.
"I suffer from rage black-outs."
-Summer, The O.C.
Lost
I am feeling kind of fed up with the speed of life. It seems like no matter where I am I am both rushed and left behind at the same time. I know that some people find my level of inexperience or rather lack of experiences as cute or innocent and lots of times I don't want to let on about it because I'm scared of people judging me or calling me naive. But there's also another part of me...a big part, actually, that wishes I was somewhat less experienced.
The problem is that I care too much about what other people think or what point that I should be at in my life and then I don't stop and pay attention to what I think and what point I am actually at. And what I think is that as much as I like boys and boyfriends and intimacy and as much as I like moving quickly because I'm impatient like no other, what I need is things to slow waaay down. In reality I am a little girl. I never want people to think I am which is why I will try not to act like it....even to the point where Josh was disappointed/intimidated by my nonchalantness and other people just didn't realize how "young" I was. And that led to me letting big things just whiz past. And its not that I couldn't handle those big things or that it negatively affected me in any way, its just that in retrospect maybe it would have been better to just not do certain things in those specific situations.
I feel like I lost myself a little bit in all the rush.
I also feel like all the people who I have done anything at all with have never been people that really knew me. Which is kind of sickening.
That being said, there is still that other category of fields where I am "left behind" and sorely lacking. And those are the bits that will lead to my inevitable embarrassment. God help me.
Crimson and clover, baby. Crimson and clover.
The problem is that I care too much about what other people think or what point that I should be at in my life and then I don't stop and pay attention to what I think and what point I am actually at. And what I think is that as much as I like boys and boyfriends and intimacy and as much as I like moving quickly because I'm impatient like no other, what I need is things to slow waaay down. In reality I am a little girl. I never want people to think I am which is why I will try not to act like it....even to the point where Josh was disappointed/intimidated by my nonchalantness and other people just didn't realize how "young" I was. And that led to me letting big things just whiz past. And its not that I couldn't handle those big things or that it negatively affected me in any way, its just that in retrospect maybe it would have been better to just not do certain things in those specific situations.
I feel like I lost myself a little bit in all the rush.
I also feel like all the people who I have done anything at all with have never been people that really knew me. Which is kind of sickening.
That being said, there is still that other category of fields where I am "left behind" and sorely lacking. And those are the bits that will lead to my inevitable embarrassment. God help me.
Crimson and clover, baby. Crimson and clover.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
He's Just Not That Into You
A candy-coated comedy that EVERYBODY should see. The Gigi girl and the Mac-guy guy were hilarious and perfect.
BUT I think one important thing to remember is that the rules from the movie often only apply to "mature" guys/girls. Maybe later 20's/30's at least. Because (and I'm not telling one of those feel-better stories like in the movie) I know many people who have failed to get what they want not because they can't realize that some guy is just not that into them, but because they fail to realize that some guy might be into them but is waiting for some sign of encouragement before putting himself out there. And so while many girls are sitting there acting coy and popular, they are actually discouraging and excluding the interested guy who they likely like back.
Goal: Meet sharp bartender who can give me advice at all hours.
New Obsession: Tay-Sway. Aka, Taylor Swift. I have never downloaded an album off of iTunes. Partially because I used to be able to steal/burn all my music and partially because I am too cheap to throw down ten bucks instead of cherry-picking songs. But tonight Bei-zing and I went all out for Taylor. Who knew that ballsy lyrics, twangy pop and a little Jo-Bro hatred could be such an appealing combination?
Oh, and Ella dear...I guess he's just not that into you. Screw him. I only supported him because you liked him. I support Cruise waaay more. Sweatsuits=retro-suave cute. Go for it.
"State the obvious, I didn't get my perfect fantasy
I realize you love yourself more than you could ever love me
So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy
That's fine you won't mind if I say
And by the way...
I hate that stupid old pickup truck
You never let me drive
You're a redneck heartbreak
Who's really bad at lying
So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
As far as I'm concerned you're
Just another picture to burn..."
-Picture to Burn, by my new favorite 19 year old. I still think 19 first when anyone asks me my age and then I have to catch myself and say 21. I don't why I feel so perpetually that age. It's a new complex for me to analyze.
BUT I think one important thing to remember is that the rules from the movie often only apply to "mature" guys/girls. Maybe later 20's/30's at least. Because (and I'm not telling one of those feel-better stories like in the movie) I know many people who have failed to get what they want not because they can't realize that some guy is just not that into them, but because they fail to realize that some guy might be into them but is waiting for some sign of encouragement before putting himself out there. And so while many girls are sitting there acting coy and popular, they are actually discouraging and excluding the interested guy who they likely like back.
Goal: Meet sharp bartender who can give me advice at all hours.
New Obsession: Tay-Sway. Aka, Taylor Swift. I have never downloaded an album off of iTunes. Partially because I used to be able to steal/burn all my music and partially because I am too cheap to throw down ten bucks instead of cherry-picking songs. But tonight Bei-zing and I went all out for Taylor. Who knew that ballsy lyrics, twangy pop and a little Jo-Bro hatred could be such an appealing combination?
Oh, and Ella dear...I guess he's just not that into you. Screw him. I only supported him because you liked him. I support Cruise waaay more. Sweatsuits=retro-suave cute. Go for it.
"State the obvious, I didn't get my perfect fantasy
I realize you love yourself more than you could ever love me
So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy
That's fine you won't mind if I say
And by the way...
I hate that stupid old pickup truck
You never let me drive
You're a redneck heartbreak
Who's really bad at lying
So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
As far as I'm concerned you're
Just another picture to burn..."
-Picture to Burn, by my new favorite 19 year old. I still think 19 first when anyone asks me my age and then I have to catch myself and say 21. I don't why I feel so perpetually that age. It's a new complex for me to analyze.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
My Blood-Orange Valentine
There are no words for tonight. I feel like a loser, but I am pumped full of champagne and chocolate cake so I shouldn't complain. And a new cheetah tattoo on the back of your neck is never a bad way to end the night.
I need to get out of this city.
"Romeo, save me, I've been feeling so alone.
I've been waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think.
He knelt on the ground and pulled out a ring and said
'Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know,
I talked to your dad go pick out a white dress.'
It's a love story baby just say...
yes."
-Taylor Swift
I need to get out of this city.
"Romeo, save me, I've been feeling so alone.
I've been waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think.
He knelt on the ground and pulled out a ring and said
'Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know,
I talked to your dad go pick out a white dress.'
It's a love story baby just say...
yes."
-Taylor Swift
Friday, February 13, 2009
Damn These Pacts
Chloe and I always come up with these excellent game plans for improving our lives and pledge to each other to take actual steps towards our goal....but I never really follow through. She doesn't that much either. I think the main problem is that I am such a head case and while I am actually in situations that relate to the pact, I can't think clearly enough to embark on the correct course of action.
For instance, one of our recent pacts was to come to terms with the fact that our "everybody hates me" psychosis is not based on reality and then to stop thinking like that. But how exactly do you go about that? I don't know. And further, I am still convinced that most people here in Baltimore aren't exactly wild about me. Maybe I will grudgingly admit that I am on the paranoid side and that they probably don't all hate me. But I still don't think that they like me. Because boring is no fun...boring may not be straight up bad, but "boring is what it is".
And so, no progress there.
Plus these little plans of ours not only fail to positively impact my life, they negatively impact me when I end up feeling bad and anticlimactic for accomplishing nothing and still being in the same position I was to begin with. Accepting that an issue exists may be the first step to addressing it, but if you never succeed in addressing it accepting that it exists is really quite unhelpful and not fun at all.
"Honey, you could just give me jewelry for Valentine's Day. Diamonds maybe."
-My mother to my father (very uncharacteristic)
"Where did that come from?!"
-Me
"That billboard over there gave me the idea."
-My mother
Conspiracy that this led me to uncover: Jarred's (Gallerias of Jewelry or whatever) are always extremely close in proximity to Red Robins. What is that about? This is the case in Seattle, Tacoma and Baltimore. Very sketchy I think. I would say that we have a serious little secret right here and I'm about to blow that shit wide open.
For instance, one of our recent pacts was to come to terms with the fact that our "everybody hates me" psychosis is not based on reality and then to stop thinking like that. But how exactly do you go about that? I don't know. And further, I am still convinced that most people here in Baltimore aren't exactly wild about me. Maybe I will grudgingly admit that I am on the paranoid side and that they probably don't all hate me. But I still don't think that they like me. Because boring is no fun...boring may not be straight up bad, but "boring is what it is".
And so, no progress there.
Plus these little plans of ours not only fail to positively impact my life, they negatively impact me when I end up feeling bad and anticlimactic for accomplishing nothing and still being in the same position I was to begin with. Accepting that an issue exists may be the first step to addressing it, but if you never succeed in addressing it accepting that it exists is really quite unhelpful and not fun at all.
"Honey, you could just give me jewelry for Valentine's Day. Diamonds maybe."
-My mother to my father (very uncharacteristic)
"Where did that come from?!"
-Me
"That billboard over there gave me the idea."
-My mother
Conspiracy that this led me to uncover: Jarred's (Gallerias of Jewelry or whatever) are always extremely close in proximity to Red Robins. What is that about? This is the case in Seattle, Tacoma and Baltimore. Very sketchy I think. I would say that we have a serious little secret right here and I'm about to blow that shit wide open.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Uh oh.
I'm sick again. I have been sick now for the last four weeks. First I had a cold, then Noro, then another cold (light version), and now I have a distinctly different cold. I am hoping that all that doesn't spell HIV or some other auto immune disease.
It's probably just the kids who are making me sick. Between them and everyone I wait on at the restaurant I am exposed to a cocktail of germs every single day.
Today the 4 year-old and I had to make valentine's for everyone in his pre-school class which was a mission. He painted a huge picture which I then had to direct him in cutting into 12 squares to glue on 12 pieces of cardstock and then write his name on each one and also cut out and glue a heart on each one too. It was like pulling teeth and he doesn't really know how to write, and he refuses to glue and he can't cut out hearts so the process took about 2 hours.
I thought waitressing was tiring. I was wrong. In comparison waitressing is like a giant vacation.
But I am getting really strong arms. Especially because the two year old doesn't do stairs.
"I not goober, I Teo."
-Teo
It's probably just the kids who are making me sick. Between them and everyone I wait on at the restaurant I am exposed to a cocktail of germs every single day.
Today the 4 year-old and I had to make valentine's for everyone in his pre-school class which was a mission. He painted a huge picture which I then had to direct him in cutting into 12 squares to glue on 12 pieces of cardstock and then write his name on each one and also cut out and glue a heart on each one too. It was like pulling teeth and he doesn't really know how to write, and he refuses to glue and he can't cut out hearts so the process took about 2 hours.
I thought waitressing was tiring. I was wrong. In comparison waitressing is like a giant vacation.
But I am getting really strong arms. Especially because the two year old doesn't do stairs.
"I not goober, I Teo."
-Teo
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Girl Meets Boy Meets Ex Meets World
I have a theory that you can pinpoint some of guys' biggest flaws by analyzing their past girlfriends and their girlfriends' flaws. Perhaps because of previous training, perhaps because of what they are drawn to. I don't know if this theory applies to girls because I am way too impartial for analysis of any girl I know well enough to apply it to. If that makes sense.
Case #1: Jess* is a guy who is shiny-perfect on the outside. Not that he is a mess on the inside...he's just flawed like everyone else. His most prominent ex is a flagrant bitch. She's hottt (yes, with three t's) but she's also the mean-girl type who will screw over anyone to get her guy--or more importantly, to get what she wants out of a guy--and who is horribly over-sexed to the point of whorish. She cheats on her boyfriends, fakes sweetness, sucks up to the relatives of any of her targets and considers all other girls to be competition.
So what does this tell us about Jess? Obviously he was willing to overlook serious personality issues in return for beauty and...sex? I don't know what else. Definitely not brains. He liked a straight-up ho so he will expect a freak in the sheets complete with waxing and all that. He didn't mind that she had no sense of girl-loyalty so he too will lack adherence to the bros over ho's mantra. She cheated and he knew about it and stayed with her so he will likely have a roving eye to balance her out. At the same time he deep down will expect betrayal and will respond with extreme possessiveness. Will consider outside appearances to be extremely important. Check, check, check, check. I should have taken one look at his ex and turned him down initially.
Case # 2:
Luke dated a seriously messed up Hot Topic high school princess. In terms of looks she wasn't of the "Not My Goodies" school of thought...more like, "Welcome to the Candy Shop". A fan of the make-up, but also witty, deep and wise, which goes a long way in canceling out any superficialness minus points. Also quirky and fun, which is another gold star. But a cheater in the end.
There is a lot of info there, but the main flaws (according to me) are...
-Hot Topic
-A slight bent towards hoochiness
-Head case
-Cheater
My theory would lead us to expect that Luke is not necessarily uber suave in terms of dress or taste (whatever that elusive term means). Not that he can't step it up on occasion, just that he will not pop the collar on a daily basis while dining at Wild Ginger. Secretly likes drama. Also secretly likes the idea of taking care of the weaker sex like a real man should...including straightening out any mental issues. Which means, possibly controlling at times. Combined with attraction to hoochiness+dating a girl that eventually cheated=probably extremely possessive.
And again, Luke does seem to meet all of these expected criteria.
Case #3:
Dean's ex was a complete crybaby. She didn't fit in with most other girls. Not because they didn't give her a chance, but because she didn't take it. She whined like a motherfucking tea kettle and was seriously emo. Unwilling to work hard and not the sharpest tool in the shed either. Moderately nice looking.
Dean, then, we would expect to have a high tolerance for babyishness and dullness. Which means that he is probably not the most mature, and is likely lacking in mental capacity. Ability to take constant whining=desperate....not enough experience or high enough standards. The fact that his ex was lazy like the crypt and he didn't mind enough for it to be a deal breaker probably means that he is not necessarily motivated or going places.
Yup, that's Dean to a T.
Case #4:
Logan went for a beauty queen three years younger than himself. And I do mean ACTUAL beauty queen. She was against all odds, sharp as shit and very motivated. Certainly first lady material. First lady as in Jackie O or Hilary (read: has a life/style/career of her own to distinguish herself from her husband and take her beyond her first lady role). But she was also a sorority girl. Dressed like a flight attendant and had a super bourgeois air.
Thus, Logan should be a frat boy at heart. The motivated type, yes. But the type that wants a trophy wife that can serve as an actual First Lady if need be. Attracted to flight attendant outfits=he envisions himself as a Ken to her Barbie. Way too cocky, and a little superficial. Cradle robbing=probably controlling. Handpicked a girlfriend where the relationship playing field will never be level (in the near future) because of the age difference...this means not only controlling, but insecure about his ability to control things when the scale is not rigged in his favor. Insecurities in ridiculously cocky boys are dangerous things.
My analysis is sort of bullshit, but I like doing critical bios of other people so it isn't really a loss. The point is mainly that I think my theory is ace, and I will use it to screen boys from now on.
Not like I have a lot of screening to do at the moment.... but you know I could use my new expertise to help the five aforementioned Disney sex goddesses.
*Let us use Gilmore Girls' guy characters as code names.
Case #1: Jess* is a guy who is shiny-perfect on the outside. Not that he is a mess on the inside...he's just flawed like everyone else. His most prominent ex is a flagrant bitch. She's hottt (yes, with three t's) but she's also the mean-girl type who will screw over anyone to get her guy--or more importantly, to get what she wants out of a guy--and who is horribly over-sexed to the point of whorish. She cheats on her boyfriends, fakes sweetness, sucks up to the relatives of any of her targets and considers all other girls to be competition.
So what does this tell us about Jess? Obviously he was willing to overlook serious personality issues in return for beauty and...sex? I don't know what else. Definitely not brains. He liked a straight-up ho so he will expect a freak in the sheets complete with waxing and all that. He didn't mind that she had no sense of girl-loyalty so he too will lack adherence to the bros over ho's mantra. She cheated and he knew about it and stayed with her so he will likely have a roving eye to balance her out. At the same time he deep down will expect betrayal and will respond with extreme possessiveness. Will consider outside appearances to be extremely important. Check, check, check, check. I should have taken one look at his ex and turned him down initially.
Case # 2:
Luke dated a seriously messed up Hot Topic high school princess. In terms of looks she wasn't of the "Not My Goodies" school of thought...more like, "Welcome to the Candy Shop". A fan of the make-up, but also witty, deep and wise, which goes a long way in canceling out any superficialness minus points. Also quirky and fun, which is another gold star. But a cheater in the end.
There is a lot of info there, but the main flaws (according to me) are...
-Hot Topic
-A slight bent towards hoochiness
-Head case
-Cheater
My theory would lead us to expect that Luke is not necessarily uber suave in terms of dress or taste (whatever that elusive term means). Not that he can't step it up on occasion, just that he will not pop the collar on a daily basis while dining at Wild Ginger. Secretly likes drama. Also secretly likes the idea of taking care of the weaker sex like a real man should...including straightening out any mental issues. Which means, possibly controlling at times. Combined with attraction to hoochiness+dating a girl that eventually cheated=probably extremely possessive.
And again, Luke does seem to meet all of these expected criteria.
Case #3:
Dean's ex was a complete crybaby. She didn't fit in with most other girls. Not because they didn't give her a chance, but because she didn't take it. She whined like a motherfucking tea kettle and was seriously emo. Unwilling to work hard and not the sharpest tool in the shed either. Moderately nice looking.
Dean, then, we would expect to have a high tolerance for babyishness and dullness. Which means that he is probably not the most mature, and is likely lacking in mental capacity. Ability to take constant whining=desperate....not enough experience or high enough standards. The fact that his ex was lazy like the crypt and he didn't mind enough for it to be a deal breaker probably means that he is not necessarily motivated or going places.
Yup, that's Dean to a T.
Case #4:
Logan went for a beauty queen three years younger than himself. And I do mean ACTUAL beauty queen. She was against all odds, sharp as shit and very motivated. Certainly first lady material. First lady as in Jackie O or Hilary (read: has a life/style/career of her own to distinguish herself from her husband and take her beyond her first lady role). But she was also a sorority girl. Dressed like a flight attendant and had a super bourgeois air.
Thus, Logan should be a frat boy at heart. The motivated type, yes. But the type that wants a trophy wife that can serve as an actual First Lady if need be. Attracted to flight attendant outfits=he envisions himself as a Ken to her Barbie. Way too cocky, and a little superficial. Cradle robbing=probably controlling. Handpicked a girlfriend where the relationship playing field will never be level (in the near future) because of the age difference...this means not only controlling, but insecure about his ability to control things when the scale is not rigged in his favor. Insecurities in ridiculously cocky boys are dangerous things.
My analysis is sort of bullshit, but I like doing critical bios of other people so it isn't really a loss. The point is mainly that I think my theory is ace, and I will use it to screen boys from now on.
Not like I have a lot of screening to do at the moment.... but you know I could use my new expertise to help the five aforementioned Disney sex goddesses.
*Let us use Gilmore Girls' guy characters as code names.
Crimson and Clover, Over and Over
Olive and I always felt like Jimmy Eat World wrote songs specifically for us. It seems like that even more so now that she's gone.
But I also think that there is not a single person in the world who can listen to some of their songs and not feel like the lyrics articulate exactly both their insecurities and desires.
"I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor I'm good to go,
Now all I need is just to hear a song I know,
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine,
I wanna fall in love tonight."
-A Praise Chorus
But I also think that there is not a single person in the world who can listen to some of their songs and not feel like the lyrics articulate exactly both their insecurities and desires.
"I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor I'm good to go,
Now all I need is just to hear a song I know,
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine,
I wanna fall in love tonight."
-A Praise Chorus
Monday, February 9, 2009
If I wasn't so uptight I could...
Get it on with one of the line cooks,
Get high at work,
Tell Lynn that she is not actually the shit (to the extent that she seems to believe),
Drink half the waiters at work under the table,
Take the boys to a museum tomorrow like I want to,
Get bangs,
Cut my hair shoulder-length,
Wear heels all the time,
Be a bitch to my annoying tables,
Tell people exactly what I want,
Be not boring.
But there is always something to be said for being repressed and angsty, right?
Wow. I want to know if that Olivia character on The City is for real. Do they script that shit or is there really such an extreme bitch loose in New York? Totally killed my buzz. Good thing Daddy's Girls is on now to make me zen again.
Get high at work,
Tell Lynn that she is not actually the shit (to the extent that she seems to believe),
Drink half the waiters at work under the table,
Take the boys to a museum tomorrow like I want to,
Get bangs,
Cut my hair shoulder-length,
Wear heels all the time,
Be a bitch to my annoying tables,
Tell people exactly what I want,
Be not boring.
But there is always something to be said for being repressed and angsty, right?
Wow. I want to know if that Olivia character on The City is for real. Do they script that shit or is there really such an extreme bitch loose in New York? Totally killed my buzz. Good thing Daddy's Girls is on now to make me zen again.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Karma is a bitch...always tip above 15%.
The restaurant was a complete shitshow. First of all, a number of mice died under the fridge in the servers' station only to be found and sort of scraped up this afternoon. So we were choking on the smell of decay all night long. The stench still won't leave my nose. Second, Max was supposed to bring in a movie to give to me, but PC picked up his shift so I was movie-less and very disappointed. Then to cap it all off I forgot to watch the water in the mop bucket while it filled and then it overflowed onto the just-mopped kitchen. All the cooks were gone so I had to clean it up all on my own....well, with the help of the flaming head waiter who is actually a really good guy under all his gay sexual innuendo.
Not to mention that people were tipping lower than ever. I beat my previous record for worst dinner tip when my last table tipped $5 on $62. Are you kidding me? That's less than ten percent. You should be making some kind of statement about the service if you tip that low. But no, they already told me that they loved the food and they acted like they were happy with me too. So basically they were total d-bags. I get paid three dollars an hour and when it is approaching midnight and you are the only customers left and I am still working solely because of you, you should at least make sure that I am making more than $8/hr. Assholes. Usually I can expect over $12 then...usually more like $20, so getting $5 is almost like getting nothing at all.
Now...beauty sleep. Because I have to be back at the restaurant bright and early for a double. Sometimes life is just so good.
Not to mention that people were tipping lower than ever. I beat my previous record for worst dinner tip when my last table tipped $5 on $62. Are you kidding me? That's less than ten percent. You should be making some kind of statement about the service if you tip that low. But no, they already told me that they loved the food and they acted like they were happy with me too. So basically they were total d-bags. I get paid three dollars an hour and when it is approaching midnight and you are the only customers left and I am still working solely because of you, you should at least make sure that I am making more than $8/hr. Assholes. Usually I can expect over $12 then...usually more like $20, so getting $5 is almost like getting nothing at all.
Now...beauty sleep. Because I have to be back at the restaurant bright and early for a double. Sometimes life is just so good.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Conundrums
1) I haven't been able to sleep lately. What's up with that? I love sleep. I relish falling asleep at night usually because I love the pre-sleep reading/music-listening/daydreaming routine. But I have been doing this thing where I have to refluff my pillows and switch them out and replace my head on the pillow repeatedly to the point where I become a ball of stress and not sleepy at all. Very OCD. I should probably have someone check me out.
2) Speaking of being checked out, two people at work today told me I was too skinny. But my sister and the bathroom scale have been insinuating that I am gaining weight in a not-so-good way. Who do I listen to??? I actually will not really listen to any of them...they all cancel each other out so I will consider the issue dunzo and do nothing. But it goes to show that you can't please everyone.
3) I think I have pinpointed my main issue with guys. I have never consciously looked for certain characteristics in guys as any sort of litmus test. But I have determined that subconsciously I am drawn to guys who make me laugh....above any other quality. Therein lies the problem. Generally the people that can make me laugh the most are the people that can catch me off guard and tease me....which also requires a certain lack of sensitivity. People who care too much about preserving the feelings of others are just not as funny. And so this leads me to boys that entertain me greatly, but at best have the said lack of sensitivity and at worst don't give a shit about my feelings at all.
Still, I will have to find a ways to reconcile the need for hilarity and the need for regard for my feelings. Because those are both necessary guy qualities. My father thinks that the former is not as necessary...hence his failure to understand why I am unwilling to consider a certain guy that I work with, PC, as boyfriend material. This is a boy that I like as a friend, he spent two years in Lesotho in the peace corps and he is intelligent and fun to talk to and he walks me home from work since he lives near me...all of these admirable qualities. BUT, he doesn't make me laugh that much, and he especially doesn't make me laugh at myself. Pshaw. The silly thing is that my father should understand this instead of thinking I am being a ditsy little girl because he is the one always cracking jokes in our family and making fun of me and "modeling" what I should be looking for in a guy. Hmmm, that last sentence bordered on Freudian thinking which I don't really support, but you get the point.
4) I love the feeling of irritated gums, but I am scared of gum recession. Specifically, I enjoy flossing overly aggressively to make my gums tingly, but I know that brushing and flossing too hard can spur gum recession. What do I do?
5) I am so dumb. But embarrassing myself is so much more interesting than keeping my mouth shut. Should I at least attempt to restrain myself from being so annoying and ridiculous?
During a game of hangman:
"I think that the word must be Magazine."
-Me
"But we already used up the S."
-Boy at work
2) Speaking of being checked out, two people at work today told me I was too skinny. But my sister and the bathroom scale have been insinuating that I am gaining weight in a not-so-good way. Who do I listen to??? I actually will not really listen to any of them...they all cancel each other out so I will consider the issue dunzo and do nothing. But it goes to show that you can't please everyone.
3) I think I have pinpointed my main issue with guys. I have never consciously looked for certain characteristics in guys as any sort of litmus test. But I have determined that subconsciously I am drawn to guys who make me laugh....above any other quality. Therein lies the problem. Generally the people that can make me laugh the most are the people that can catch me off guard and tease me....which also requires a certain lack of sensitivity. People who care too much about preserving the feelings of others are just not as funny. And so this leads me to boys that entertain me greatly, but at best have the said lack of sensitivity and at worst don't give a shit about my feelings at all.
Still, I will have to find a ways to reconcile the need for hilarity and the need for regard for my feelings. Because those are both necessary guy qualities. My father thinks that the former is not as necessary...hence his failure to understand why I am unwilling to consider a certain guy that I work with, PC, as boyfriend material. This is a boy that I like as a friend, he spent two years in Lesotho in the peace corps and he is intelligent and fun to talk to and he walks me home from work since he lives near me...all of these admirable qualities. BUT, he doesn't make me laugh that much, and he especially doesn't make me laugh at myself. Pshaw. The silly thing is that my father should understand this instead of thinking I am being a ditsy little girl because he is the one always cracking jokes in our family and making fun of me and "modeling" what I should be looking for in a guy. Hmmm, that last sentence bordered on Freudian thinking which I don't really support, but you get the point.
4) I love the feeling of irritated gums, but I am scared of gum recession. Specifically, I enjoy flossing overly aggressively to make my gums tingly, but I know that brushing and flossing too hard can spur gum recession. What do I do?
5) I am so dumb. But embarrassing myself is so much more interesting than keeping my mouth shut. Should I at least attempt to restrain myself from being so annoying and ridiculous?
During a game of hangman:
"I think that the word must be Magazine."
-Me
"But we already used up the S."
-Boy at work
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
An Open Letter to Bank Tellers:
Don't look at me with your snide judgment when I come in to make a deposit. I should be the one making you feel bad instead of the other way around because I sure as hell would make a deposit using an ATM in the freezing snow if it would allow me to avoid contact with snooty, boring, shoulder-padded jackasses such as yourself. Basically everybody who utilizes banks would rather converse with a machine instead of a teller. Soon, you will be obsolete.
And just because I make huge deposits of cash in small bills it does not give you the right to look at me strangely or wonder what I do for a living. The only reason I let money pile up like that in the box on my dresser is because I HATE going to the bank because of YOU. And being a waitress is hardly worse than being a bank teller. Waitressing is often temporary (as in my case) and even when it isn't it usually pays higher than your hourly salary. But I am sure you are just too bourgeois to involve yourself in a job where you are paid in cash. Besides, people like you could NEVER survive in positions where you actually have to be warm and friendly to customers in order to get paid. No, you opt for the cold frigid bitch approach. Well fine. The dry crusty look coordinates well with your expensive but somehow still dry and crusty clothes.
And one day when I am running around fighting the man as some sort of attorney I will receive my paycheck through direct deposit and I will never have to even look at you again. Then again, by that time even waiters will be able to use direct deposit, automated deposit machines, etc. and you will be out of a job.
Damn. I guess if I did any sort of public law work for the unemployment office like Sandra Bullock does in Two Weeks Notice I would actually have to interact with you again. Whoops, well then I will have to go corporate and do pro bono. That's right I would change my career path to avoid contact with your sorry asinine selves.
Sincerely,
The Girl With a Thousand in Cash
And just because I make huge deposits of cash in small bills it does not give you the right to look at me strangely or wonder what I do for a living. The only reason I let money pile up like that in the box on my dresser is because I HATE going to the bank because of YOU. And being a waitress is hardly worse than being a bank teller. Waitressing is often temporary (as in my case) and even when it isn't it usually pays higher than your hourly salary. But I am sure you are just too bourgeois to involve yourself in a job where you are paid in cash. Besides, people like you could NEVER survive in positions where you actually have to be warm and friendly to customers in order to get paid. No, you opt for the cold frigid bitch approach. Well fine. The dry crusty look coordinates well with your expensive but somehow still dry and crusty clothes.
And one day when I am running around fighting the man as some sort of attorney I will receive my paycheck through direct deposit and I will never have to even look at you again. Then again, by that time even waiters will be able to use direct deposit, automated deposit machines, etc. and you will be out of a job.
Damn. I guess if I did any sort of public law work for the unemployment office like Sandra Bullock does in Two Weeks Notice I would actually have to interact with you again. Whoops, well then I will have to go corporate and do pro bono. That's right I would change my career path to avoid contact with your sorry asinine selves.
Sincerely,
The Girl With a Thousand in Cash
Watch as I become mi madre.....
My hands are so dry that they are cracking and bleeding. It's like something out of a bad horror movie on the plague. Luckily I found a hand lotion (sweet pea) that is the scent-equivalent of Herbal Essences. Magnifico.
I had a friend that always used to tell me that the smell of my hair reminded him too much of an ex of his. I wonder if we have reached the point yet where Herbal Essences reminds him of me instead of her.....or at least when he accidentally catches a whiff of my hair he is not repulsed. I don't think he and I will always be good friends. I would like to, but so much of the time we were friends I think he felt like he had to be the adult, the designated driver, and generally the caretaker of the rest of us. It seems like he almost resents it now. Of course we never asked or expected him to fill that role, we were relentless in nagging him to drink with us, it was just in his nature to be overly protective and overly generous and everything good and adult like that. I remember once when we stayed at J-Mu's cabin he even dragged B-hawk across the room by his neck when he tried to crawl in bed with Samantha and I. And B-hawk screamed like the girl in the first Jurassic Park. Boo, hiss...I hate growing apart.
In any case, this nannying job has convinced me that I don't think I want to have kids of my own anymore. Not that I planned to have them for at least fifteen years. They're just too tiring. I can't imagine coming home after a day of work only to be faced with four hours of warring with children. They become your entire life. I already feel like Till and Te are my entire life and they're not even my children! BUT. That being said, nannying also has me convinced that I should have kids. I am impossibly good with them. I am stricter than their parents by far, but kids need boundaries to function correctly and they are becoming better behaved already. Aaaand, we are still having quite a lot of fun. Well...they are having fun. And I am beginning to. Today we went to the park and we played soccer. Tomorrow we are going to Nursery Rhyme Time at the library. And since its the last day of our week, I am actually going to let them watch a Madeline/Veggie Tales movie.
I had a friend that always used to tell me that the smell of my hair reminded him too much of an ex of his. I wonder if we have reached the point yet where Herbal Essences reminds him of me instead of her.....or at least when he accidentally catches a whiff of my hair he is not repulsed. I don't think he and I will always be good friends. I would like to, but so much of the time we were friends I think he felt like he had to be the adult, the designated driver, and generally the caretaker of the rest of us. It seems like he almost resents it now. Of course we never asked or expected him to fill that role, we were relentless in nagging him to drink with us, it was just in his nature to be overly protective and overly generous and everything good and adult like that. I remember once when we stayed at J-Mu's cabin he even dragged B-hawk across the room by his neck when he tried to crawl in bed with Samantha and I. And B-hawk screamed like the girl in the first Jurassic Park. Boo, hiss...I hate growing apart.
In any case, this nannying job has convinced me that I don't think I want to have kids of my own anymore. Not that I planned to have them for at least fifteen years. They're just too tiring. I can't imagine coming home after a day of work only to be faced with four hours of warring with children. They become your entire life. I already feel like Till and Te are my entire life and they're not even my children! BUT. That being said, nannying also has me convinced that I should have kids. I am impossibly good with them. I am stricter than their parents by far, but kids need boundaries to function correctly and they are becoming better behaved already. Aaaand, we are still having quite a lot of fun. Well...they are having fun. And I am beginning to. Today we went to the park and we played soccer. Tomorrow we are going to Nursery Rhyme Time at the library. And since its the last day of our week, I am actually going to let them watch a Madeline/Veggie Tales movie.
Monday, February 2, 2009
I have a secret crush.
Brody Jenner is seriously cute. Overrated perhaps, but definitely my celebreality crush.
"Her mom was illiterate so when she filled out the Birth Certificate she just wrote random letters like 'xyaggersch'. But the daughter's name was actually Tangerine, because the mom liked how that sounded. So on the first day of school every year the teacher would get to her name and be like 'umm, x-yag-ge...' and she would be like 'oh, its Tangerine."
-Contessadora's dinner table monologue. I don't know where she gets this stuff,
"Her mom was illiterate so when she filled out the Birth Certificate she just wrote random letters like 'xyaggersch'. But the daughter's name was actually Tangerine, because the mom liked how that sounded. So on the first day of school every year the teacher would get to her name and be like 'umm, x-yag-ge...' and she would be like 'oh, its Tangerine."
-Contessadora's dinner table monologue. I don't know where she gets this stuff,
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Oh My God.
I have just noticed that I have a tiny chip out of my front tooth. Fuck. I should probably just shoot myself now.
.........
I am about as depressed as I get. You think a lack of happiness would just make me feel neutral, but no...I feel distinctly terrible. I have nothing in the immediate future to look forward to other than spending my one day off doing taxes, applying for student loans/scholarships/financial aid, going to the bank, and removing the two feet worth of junk off my bedroom floor by 8pm so that it doesn't get confiscated by my father (yes, I am ten years old). And then I have a week of work. I think my next day off may be next-next Friday.
Josh called this morning. It is difficult for me to remember exactly what was said because the phone woke me up and I was fighting to be conscious enough to communicate for most of the conversation. What I do remember is that he said he is leaving for Australia on February 18th. From there who knows if I will hear from him again since he won't have my phone number and I won't have his. And email would be an option but he told me point blank that he will not write to me because in my last email (I have been writing to him about once every three weeks since we broke up and he has never responded), I didn't tell him what he wanted to hear...which was that I miss him and can't live without him. And then he said that he had to go.
The only thing that I am remotely happy about at the moment is that tonight at work another waitress completely out of nowhere told me that after seeing Ted and I arguing last week she thought I could definitely take Ted in a fight. That pleases me.
But I still feel like crying. Seriously. What is there to look forward to at all? When I was in high school I loved my life. I would literally tear up sometimes when I went to bed at night because I was so excited to wake up the next day and live. I would listen to Jimmy Eat World at two in the morning and feel absolutely blissful. School was easy and we had so much extra time on our hands that we spent all day playing silly games, having water-drinking contests and stealing things like giant globes just to see if we could put them back without getting caught. We would wake up hours before school to bike there in the freezing cold, sometimes making huge chalk murals for our friends on the way. I still had my angsty days, but it was the exciting kind of angst that Lit songs were about. My biggest worry then was that my new boyfriend wouldn't like me quite as much when he found out about my obsession with all things Disney.
I don't know what happened to me. I don't know where my essence went. I am crossing my fingers that it didn't disappear on May 2nd 2006. Maybe that was more my loss of innocence slash trust in the world, yada yada, that went away then. Anyway, I am not even upset about how emo I sound right now because I feel way too shitty to even care.......and THAT is truly disturbing.
Josh called this morning. It is difficult for me to remember exactly what was said because the phone woke me up and I was fighting to be conscious enough to communicate for most of the conversation. What I do remember is that he said he is leaving for Australia on February 18th. From there who knows if I will hear from him again since he won't have my phone number and I won't have his. And email would be an option but he told me point blank that he will not write to me because in my last email (I have been writing to him about once every three weeks since we broke up and he has never responded), I didn't tell him what he wanted to hear...which was that I miss him and can't live without him. And then he said that he had to go.
The only thing that I am remotely happy about at the moment is that tonight at work another waitress completely out of nowhere told me that after seeing Ted and I arguing last week she thought I could definitely take Ted in a fight. That pleases me.
But I still feel like crying. Seriously. What is there to look forward to at all? When I was in high school I loved my life. I would literally tear up sometimes when I went to bed at night because I was so excited to wake up the next day and live. I would listen to Jimmy Eat World at two in the morning and feel absolutely blissful. School was easy and we had so much extra time on our hands that we spent all day playing silly games, having water-drinking contests and stealing things like giant globes just to see if we could put them back without getting caught. We would wake up hours before school to bike there in the freezing cold, sometimes making huge chalk murals for our friends on the way. I still had my angsty days, but it was the exciting kind of angst that Lit songs were about. My biggest worry then was that my new boyfriend wouldn't like me quite as much when he found out about my obsession with all things Disney.
I don't know what happened to me. I don't know where my essence went. I am crossing my fingers that it didn't disappear on May 2nd 2006. Maybe that was more my loss of innocence slash trust in the world, yada yada, that went away then. Anyway, I am not even upset about how emo I sound right now because I feel way too shitty to even care.......and THAT is truly disturbing.
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