Tissues falling and gum on my skirt.

Academy Awards tonight. Yay for Slumdog.

Olive's family used to have a party the night of the Oscars. And Olive and I and any other of our friends that were there used to dress up in her mother's old prom dresses. Huge bows, bright satin and out of control puff. And we used to fill out our ballots very faithfully, all vying for the Starbucks coffee card or whatever else was the prize for most accurate award predictions.

Tonight my sister had her friends over to our house. They dressed up in fancy dresses and we printed out ballots for them to vote.

I feel like my time has passed. Now I just sit back and watch other people and remember when. I should be too young to feel this over.


And then I chose to read a flighty bedtime book to distract and comfort me before sleep. It promised to be about a cheating fiancee, fashion magazine editing and finding love in New York. But now, halfway through, the story has become focused on the heroine's best friend being suddenly diagnosed with AIDS, and her watching him die from afar. Absolutely perfect.


I feel very very alone.