Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner

I wish that M. Night Shyamalan would come out with another movie soon...and one as good as Signs or the Village.

Today was relatively kick ass in a very laid back mind on my money and my money on my mind kind of way. Chloe and I woke up at 1pm and went to dim sum and then we walked around the International District and bought sour candy and peach juice. She had the worst hangover ever, though, and didn't stop feeling semi-nauseated until 7pm...poor kid. I, on the other hand, was just more thirsty than I have ever been in my life. I usually can't even choke down one glass of water a day, unless I've just had some very aerobic exercise. But today, I swear to God, I had at least ten huge glasses of water.

Then Mitch and Chloe and I watched Dirty Dancing and had a major living room dance party. The reason that every girl I know loves that movie is because the basic moral of the story is that you can be a huge dork, have poofy hair, and not know how to dance, and still end up being gorgeous on stage with an amazing guy who is in love with you. The End. Clearly life would be so much better if we all just lived in the 80's (and impeached Ronald Reagan).

And to end on a complaint...here is my daily wtfuck moment: How can someone in the house be repeatedly leaving their balled-up TP on the bathroom floor? Seriously. It would be fine if you were ocd and somehow nervously crumpled up toilet paper while you were on the pot and tossed it on the ground, but I know what is really happening is that someone is wiping and then missing the toilet with the paper. Ewwww. You would have to be super-duper high constantly to be making that mistake as many times as there were balls of paper next to the toilet tonight. Keep it classy, guys, and watch where your garbahey is going after you wipe.




"When you took your seat I felt as if a woman had come into my bathroom and I had only the sponge to defend myself."
-Winston Churchill

Mute Me, Please

Just so we're clear, Stephen is like my favorite friend EVER. Shiiiiit. He's funny as hell. And that kid who I hate is my least favorite friend. I couldn't even remember why I was mad at him by the time I got home, but I know it was legit because I was actually mad....not sorta peeved at a random person mad, but I really hate you Jerome-type mad. Still, I was like, "oh I'm ridiculous, let's forget about me being a coldhearted bitch." But then I listened to all my missed voicemails from the night and heard two douchebag ho voicemails from him in a row. All I have to say is that certain people are both inconsiderate, rude and patronizing...and ANNOYING all at once.

BUT, tonight was exciting since I had never smoked meh in a crack pipe in a tree before.







Not that that happened tonight or anything.

I'm so dizzy....

Do you know that song? It's an oldie. I grew up on those...97.3 kbsg. I also had it on the Sugar beats tape of mine. Whoa, you haven't lived till you've experienced sugar beats, that's for sure.

Side note: Bad things happen when I mix meh with meh. LIke I can't fall asleep because the digital numbers on my alarm clock are getting jiggy with it and won't stay still. At least I didn't have to be accompanied home by creepy mc-creepersons. That's right. I was strategic in my exit timing....and then Stehen and I got pizza, but that is NOT going in my diet log. Screw physiology, what happens after 3 am, stays a secret, right? RIght.





"Na na na na na-na-na, getting jiggy with it."
-WIll Smith, a la Kegger for Cancer music

Grammar Whore

It's truly terrible how I never write in here anymore. It's not that I'm more busy this quarter, it's just that a) I have to wake up super early every morning now, so I'm completely shot by the time I go to bed an would normally write, and b) I'm losing myself a bit this quarter. The kind of fly by the seat of your pants, just skating by, not really paying attention to myself, just paying attention to what's happening to me life. Shit son. I need serious grounding.

Thoughts from today:
-I love when people touch my head. I know that I have said this before, but it is amazing. If anyone ever wanted to make me do something or coerce me into some type of agreement, if they stroked my hair or even just put their hand on top of my head I would pretty much just consent. It just makes me automatically trust whoever is touching me and feel taken care of. It may sound cheesy, but it's my achilles heel, I guess.

-I am completely elated that my last quarter of my senior year we are FINALLY doing the death penalty as one of the topics for the YD-CR debates. Hells yes, kids. I even promised to go on a date with a boy that I really really don't like if it would be a deal-maker for people. Of course, I don't think I should be held to it, because people's agreement to do DP was not based on the date possibility. Basically, it's off the table now that I got what I wanted. Manipulative douchebag ho, right here.

-I love my mother, and I am pretty much becoming her. I edit the same as her...painstakingly slow, and in-depth. I have to fix all the grammar, etc. before I can even pay any attention at all to content. But it basically is kick-ass by the time I am done. I used to be so frustrated when my mom edited my papers, because I would just want her to read for content, not the other BS. Now I'm just happy that I'm related to her, because clearly, writing--or at least editing it--is in my blood.

Moqtada al Sadr is the leader of the insurgency in Iraq, which I did not know going into my test. Still when the first question was "who is Moqtada al Sadr?" that is the answer I gave. Ha, bitches! I test well. LSAT's anyone? Nope, I'll actually probably coug those just because it would be typical me to choke when I need it the most. Whatev. I can learn to be bohemian and not do school anymore.







"Look at this pen I got. I took it from the cancer kids."
-Bond, after volunteering at the Ronald McDonald House for kids with cancer

Life is Difficult

The House at Pooh Corner

Christopher Robin and I walked along
under branches lit up by the moon.
Posing our questions to owl and eeyore
as our days disappeared all too soon.
But I've wandered much further today than I should
and I can't seem to find my way back to the wood.

So, help me if you can I've got to get
back to the house at Pooh corner by one.
You'd be surprised there's so much to be done,
count all the bees in the hive,
chase all the clouds from the sky.
Back to the days of Christopher Robin and Pooh.

Winnie the Pooh doesn't know what to do,
got a honey jar stuck on his nose.
He came to me asking help and advice
and from here no one knows where he goes.
So I sent him to ask of te Owl if he's there,
how to loosen a jar from the nose of a bear

So, help me if you can I've got to get
back to the house at Pooh corner by one
You'd be surprised there's so much to be done,
count all the bees in the hive,
chase all the clouds from the sky .
Back to the days of Christopher Robin and Pooh,
back to the days of Christopher Robin,
back to the ways of Pooh



These days I am so emo. But not in a depressed way, really. Just in a can start trickling tears at any moment kind of way. And because I like my life, not because I am unhappy. I just hate endings, and this is the end of my life as I know it. It's all starting when my med school roommate moves out in a week or so. Who will advise me on all aspects of my social relationships, and give me massages, and life perspective now? PLUS, Kurt Vonnegut is DEAD. And tomorrow elections for YD's happen and that will be over too in a way. I had my last Convention this last weekend. And I'm in the last Polisci class of my life. And at the end of the summer, I'll be peacing out of Seattle. Possibly forever. And the really scary part is that I want to give up South Africa and stay at UW forever and ever amen.


Olive's D-day is getting super close. What should I do then? I'm thinking of taking a bunch of plastic bags and releasing them into the wind somehow so that they blow around. I think that she would appreciate that. Probably. I hope that when I die, people remember me more than I remember her. But just other people, because if I was the one who died, I would want her to remember me the same amount as I remember her. Otherwise it would hurt too much.

Boo! I lovelovelove my friends and Seattle and the rain on the roof sound. delta=sadness.







"Love is more afraid of change than destruction."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Hollerrrrrrr

I have quite possibly THE most awkward life on the entire planet.

Relax Blondie-style

Chloe just gave me an impromptu head/neck/face massage and suddenly everything is right in my world. It's amazing how small you feel when someone touches the top of your head. But it can be in a good way. Sometimes I need to feel like I am very little and that if things don't work out the way I want them to, it's too bad and all, but it's not my fault and so I shouldn't worry too much about things that are beyond my control in life. Mmmm, zen.

B-hawk gave me his candle tonight that smells like boy. I feel weird burning it in my very girl room, but I think I will anyway because it's yuuuuummy. Fuck anyone who thinks I am silly. I will tell them that we traded room smells for awhile....after all, he took my Walk on the Beach candle in exchange.


For the first time this past Tuesday one of those surprising reaction-type thougts popped into my head during class. This one girl was speaking very partonizingly and without even consciously formulating anything I thought very forcefully "I hate you so much." And I was serious. I am the type of person that overuses the word hate quite copiously, but I have only been serious about hating someone once in my whole life, I am pretty sure. Apparently this girl in my class just triggers a gut reaction in me that is made up of some of the most potent dislike that I have ever felt.






"Oohhh child, things are gonna get easier. Oohh child, things'll get brighter. Oohh child, things are gonna get easier. Oohh, when the world is much lighter."
-The Five Stairsteps
(might not be exactly the right lyrics, but that's what I've always heard when I listen to that song.)

FYI

Lobsters pair up for life.



Heart.

Justice Murphy bought illegal drugs twice a day.

I think I have a fever. Tuesdays do that to me....that and the fact that I went running with Chloe (and frisbee playing) when I still am too sick to even get oxygen through my nose. The worst part is that I can't hear shit because I'm so plugged up. It's the most awkward feeling in the world to have to ask people to repeat themselves again and again because you can't tell what they're saying. I sometimes just prefer to smile and nod and pretend that I heard....except the last time I did that I ended up enthusiastically agreeing with a Republican on some topic. I don't remember if I ever even found out what the topic of our conversation was, I just knew that everyone freaked the fuck out at me. Whoopsies, y'all caught me. Closet conservative here.


I wore my Nate Robinson underwear today. Pretty much amazing.








"Ever since the Harriet Miers debacle where even her own party turned on her and forced her to withdraw her nomination, her name has become new slang. You got 'Miered.' Kind of like the last scene in Reservoir Dogs."
-George Lovell, my Supreme Court/Con Law Prof

Emo like Clove Cigarettes.

I'm having a hard time recently and I don't know why. Little by little I am actually falling completely apart. I haven't even contacted my thesis advisor in weeks. I haven't declared for graduation and the deadline is this Friday. I don't know where I will live in South Africa next year or what exactly I will be doing. I don't study hardly at all. But I don't really party a lot or have that much fun.

This is not me. I have never in my life been so not on top of things. I've always been lacking in punctuality, etc., but never in responsibility and drive.

The biggest thing that worries me is that I'm getting sad. Only for a few nights now, and not ever during the day, but it scares me. I don't want to have to deal with now what I completely bypassed last year. I'm a bounce-back kind of girl, right? So why do I suddenly feel all alone? Did I just have more people to surround myself with last year, and now they've gone away? It's not just Olive, though. I am all of a sudden missing my family too. Easter was odd, being in my Grandmother's house with only Chloe, when I'm used to being completely surrounded by relatives there. I miss that. Whatever happened to holidays? And, while I'm at it, I miss my childhood. It just slipped away while I was writing essay after essay.

This weekend my grandmother accidentally mentioned something about my mom having depression for awhile in high school. I know that is not that big of a deal, and it doesn't mean anything now, but it shocked me because I had never heard anything about it before from my mom. I guess it isn't the sort of thing that comes up randomly like "Oh, btw kids, when I was a senior, I was depressed." But still...you would think that at some point during the 19 years we have spent together, my mom would've mentioned something about it. Like last May after Olive died, or during last summer when I was all alone in Baltimore. It feels awkward to me that my mother intentionally kept something like that from me. If it never came up, she obviously didn't want me to know, and why would she not? I don't think that I'm prying into her private life by wanting to know. I feel like kids have a right to know about their parents lives.

Why do I feel like crying?




PS- Nobody should ever date me. I have a lot of baggage, and I am a little girl. Plus I get hurt a lot, so you would have to deal with a lot of band-aids and neosporin. It's probably not worth it. I also blush too easily. It gets ridiculous.

E to the WA

Phoebe and Chloe travel over the mountains and through the woods to Grandma's house for Easter. The cat was declawed so nobody was maimed, although it still tried to scratch up a storm and looked confused when it didn't succeed in drawing blood. Mwahahaha. That cat is like a no-neck hyena packed with fat. I think it is so angry because it's skin is so taut over its incredible girth.

Phoebe: "People whatever. Yeah."
Chloe: "Diamonds are forever."

Chloe: "I speak for the masses."

Guy at Church: "That's so nice that you girls came to church today. Hopefully you can learn something about the Lord."
...I think this is mildly offensive whether you are religious or not. Both of us thought it was super awkward.

Phoebe: "I don't like how this sound songs."

Sign: "This park is for the enjoyment of Miner's customers only."

"When I get bored I should just sit and imagine fully what it is like to be Queen. [laughter] You don't understand. I don't mean like ordering people around, I mean like the interiors. Like furniture, and my tapestry and my bed hangings, and my various commisions." -Chloe

"I really would have liked to see a bit more from Mitzy, in the way of actually playing more with that ball."
-America's Cutest Puppies (tv show ranking puppies)


Chloe: "I am going to gain so much weight this weekend."
PHoebe: "No! We are NOT going to eat very much this weekend." [unwrapping plate-sized burger]





On the way to E-Wa we saw a car swerving a bit and then recklessly passing other cars at high-speeds and narrowly missing them. Yes? Soon they sped out of sight, before we could call 911 on their ass....es. Um. Bout 5 minutes later Phoebe and Chloe catch up and are blinded by white smoke in the street. Glance to the right. The car is the diatch, biatch (get it, like ditch, bitch?). The headlights illuminating the road. A reminder to all those that think they can get away with drinking and driving. This means you. Phoebe and Chloe are lucky to have escaped with their lives. Nod. Nod. The End.

by Chloe

"So though we cannot know..."

I made it through today. And for that I heartily congratulate myself. Who shackled me with 8-hour days on Tuesday? Because that person must have either been exceedingly mean or extremely high. I'm allowing myself to go to bed, because I wouldn't even be able to handle anything else right now except trashy tv, which doesn't make me happy anyway...unless it's the season finale of the Hills which I missed last night.

I feel not cute. That's okay. At least I'm not a baby in a third world country dying of a diarrheal disease, right Olive?










"Do you want to know
If everything glittering
Will turn into the gold
I see in your hair
I feel it could be there
Somehow, tonight

And do you want to find
Something worth saving
The change would do me right
Cause I've been just waiting
And hesitating
With this heart of mine

You're still a mystery
But there's something so easy
In how you're sweet to me
I feel completed
Like it's something I needed
For this heart of mine

There's always something so tragic
About a hopeless romantic

So though we cannot know
If everything glittering
Will turn into the gold
I'm through with waiting
And hesitating
I want you taking
This heart of mine
Heart of mine
Heart of mine"
-Heart of Mine, Peter Salett (Keeping the Faith Soundtrack)
Sung at memorial service....T-one month from yesterday

Not doin' it.

Mmmm. Peppermint schnapps.

On the one hand, I create drama out of everything. On the other hand, this much conflict in my head is probably not a positive start to anything. On the other hand I am reminding myself of Samantha before she and the jewish one started dating. On the other hand, that isn't working out so great either. Still, I don't even know what I want, which might mean that I shouldn't do anything at all. But...I definitely know what I DON'T want, so it would be nice to be rid of all that.

One day I will be in a mental asylum and we will discuss my hyper-analytical nature that drove me over the edge of sanity, and they will all sigh and say, "What a waste, that girl had so much potential. Pity nobody could save her from herself." Nope. I won't let anyone stop me from engaging in my own destructive head games.





"Fuck Sudan, it's all about Bryce."
-at the Suprise party for Bryce that coincidentally happened the same night as the Save Darfur club's fundraising party.

Ghostride the Honda

I'm listening to LFO right now. Basically I never left middle school.

All I want to right now is to have a dance party. Profound thoughts that I put in this blog, right? It's just that all my energy is going toward figuring out how to construct a last minute Sunday night dance party for myself, and there's no room for anything else in my head. Alternately, I want somebody to play Trivial Pursuit with me. It's been an entire quarter, so I think it is appropriate to have another TP partay.

Ooh! Chloe doesn't know this yet, but when we go to E-Wa for Easter next weekend we are going to attempt to ghostride the whip...or in my case, ghostride my honda. I can just see it now, it will be excellent. We may even be able to recruit some hombres to roll with us and make our ghostride even more of an extravaganza.

It's too bad that I am such a sucker for chaos. I love it, and it's dangerous. I am one of those people who drives past car accidents and practically creates another one because I am so engrossed in observing the destruction. To my great amusement, there was a huge fight in front of my house last night. Two groups of wasted individuals were yelling for over 15 minutes about something unintelligable, and shoving eachother and holding other people back. And then this pick-up that was parked on the other side of the street took off with one of the people in it, and from the heightened yells and "Where's your fucking boy? I'm calling the police!" it was clear that the guy in the truck peaced out after pulling a gun. Welcome to the hood. I will be oh so prepared for South Africa after this. Except, I'm pretty sure that they don't fuck around in SA. They pull guns to steal your shit, not to show off in the middle of a drunken brawl. And after pulling a gun, they actually shoot it, instead of just driving off.





"People marrying cousins is not thaaaat bad." -me
"You went to the South for one week! What happened to you?!" -E