Family Fun...NOT

You know those movies that you think are great slash really want to see, and you rep them to everyone and your sister....and then you sit down and watch it with your sister/mother/FATHER and all of a sudden you realize that what was seemingly harmless before now looks like incestuous porn? Its a terrible experience that everyone should avoid. Trying to look bored and unamused for your family while watching two actors raucously getting it on is not an easy feat. I am pretty sure I generally miss the mark and end up doing a constipated Chris Matthews impression instead.

Anyway, be forewarned that seeing the following with your parental unit et al may or may not be a moderate debacle (if you are as awk as me)....
- We Own the Night...trust me, Eva Mendez getting herself off is NOT HOT when you're with your dad. .
- Up in the Air...slightly blushworthy
- Borat...not a good idea
- Bruno...Enough said. I would rather be smacked in the face with his junk than have to watch it fly around the screen while sitting next to my parents.
- One episode of the Tudors...if you saw it, you know the one



In other news, I thought I would be less of a hot mess if I got away from law school for awhile, but so far its an epic fail. Yesterday I spilled evaporated milk all over my fuggs. Today I spilled whole milk all over my fuggs (and the entire floor). I am also pretty sure that I broke my toe. A bird spit red berry goo into my sweatshirt hood. My sister projectile vomited all over my blanket. I dumped my coffee on the carpet. Roo went buckwild and razed my pointer finger. And I have a inexplicable bruise on my leg that is the size of a small orange. I mean, wtfuck! Can't I catch a break? ...Cobra Starship, take me away...

How to Make JD = Just Dollaz

F and I are going to write a book called He May Or May Not Be Into You: A Girl's Guide to Law School Dating. And yes it will be based on our moderately f-ed up and for serially dramatic real-life misadventures.

Basically, we are going to make bank.




Also:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=law%20school%20goggles *

*This link is in no way a commentary on me slash my friends. Only other people. You know who you are...

You Might Be From Bmore If...

[From the You Call it Ghetto...I Call it Resourceful Fbook Group]

"lose ur remote a lot.....put that shit on a leash and attach it to the end of yo couch"

"I had like 1 damn dollar on my way to school, hadnt had breakfast or anything. i was hungry but oh so broke, so I came up with the 1 dollar program. works everytime.
1) a peppermint for 10 cents which i would crush and eat sliver by sliver (gotta make things last, ya know)
2)a 50 cent soda (the biggest one they had) and i would make it last the whole day by keeping itoutside the window, nice and cold
3) with the remaining 40 cents, I would get a bag of chips or those sketchy little oatmeal cookies that come 3 in a pack. and then three pieces of 5 cent gum. or I would bet the change in some stupid card game that was going on during class and hope for the best, Loll."



"I'm hungry, and there's really no food at home. I have bread though but no butter or jam. I do have ketchup tho as well as polly-o string cheese. So i peel up the polly-o string cheese, sprinkle it over the slice of bread, then spread ketchup over it as evenly as possible, place it in the toaster oven on 375F for 5-10 minutes and just like that, i have ghetto pizza. "

"so today i went 2 starbucks..idk why cuz i had no money. i saw that at the lil station wit napkins n stuff there was milk for ur coffee n vanilla, chocolate, n cinnamon powder for ur w/e else..so i asked the lady for a cup and went 2 work in the lab (that counter)..free drink"


"the dollar menu is my def of resourceful, four people get a meal on 4 bucks.
two double cheese burgers w/ some white bread & u got four single-patty burgers
get a $1 sweet tea & three cups of "courtsey water" & split the 32 ounce
dollar fries & ask them to drop some in the bottom of the bag
shoot, that last dollar goes to dessert, two apple pies in half...lol, everyones happy"

Top Fives

Top 5 Foods:
Barbecued Ribs
Stuffed spinach Chicago-style pizza
Mexican rice with sour cream
Olives and olive-y mushrooms and capers
The sandwich

Top 5 Movie Characters That Remind Me of Me:
Gigi - He's Just Not That Into You
Julie - Julie and Julia..."Just for once could you not look on the bright side?"
Jane (Katherine Heigl) - 27 Dresses
Amelie - Amelie
Emma - Emma

Top 5 Movie Characters That I Wish Reminded Me of Me:
Viola (Amanda Bynes) - She's the Man
Julia Child - Julie and Julia
Bones - Bones (its a show, but its as good as a movie, so pshaw)
Mulan - Mulan
Elizabeth - Pride and Prejudice

Top 5 Terribles:
Feeling jealous (doubly as bad when there is reason for you to feel that way)
Mispelling words and getting caught
Feeling so hungry you feel nauseated
Your face getting rounder
Being sweaty when you're cold (shout out to SLL)

Top 5 Smells:
Popcorn
Bacon
Aqua du Gio cologne
Anise Anise perfume
Chocolate chip cookies baking

Top 5 Songs ATM:
Concerning Hobbits - Lord of the Rings
1981 - The Tough Alliance
Replay - Iyaz
All the Above - Maino
Keep On Trying - Poco

Contracts, ILY

Dear Stanford,

Hire my prof. He is baller.

Thx,
me

PS- He's not the reason I flunked.


Asimow:

"Okay, so this guy is a nut, but it's his egg farm."


"Well, what you're buying is . . . essentially horse semen . . . but, no I don't think that the UCC applies here."

"Its too bad if you feel like a hound dog that has eaten a rotten skunk."

"If you want to fight the union, fight the union, but it doesn't let you off the hook to your k."

"Let's add on 10 million dollars because you're a bastard."

(On UCC 2-207) "Thank you for your offer. It is rejected!"

" Experts are in very bad disgrace in the law, because they are for sale. They are prostitutes."

"You can't handle the bottom line!"

"Breaches come in all shapes and sizes."

Someone is trying to poison me...

Clearly they have realized that I am the biggest threat in our class and they want to steal my H.

More mistakes

Apparently I am just terrible. Just terrible. I always take people for granted who turn out to be amazing, and often invest too much time in people who turn out to be mediocre. This is not to say that the mediocre people suck....just that it would be excellent if I would start to realize how cool the people are that are staring me in the face in the first place.

Story of my life.

Literally. Take Stephan for example. Where was he junior year? Fuck if I know. The first time that he exploded into my consciousness was when we got crunk and buried treasure in the quad. Before that he was definitely around....just in a way less obvious way. And we eventually did get to be good friends, but I wish that I hadn't wasted so much time.

And time wasting is for sure what I am doing once again. One big problem is that I think that the coolest people are the most elusive people. Not true. What kind of epiphany is it going to take me to realize that the people that are most enjoyable are not the hard-to-get ones, they're the ones who accept you in the beginning, connect with you and want to hang out with you. The truly amazing people are the ones who choose YOU. I know this, but in real time it is very hard for me to realize this. But its true. And I can name two hands worth of people who I have overlooked or undervalued or just not noticed....and I bet $200 that these ones will end up being my all-time favorites within the next three years.

I feel much, much better.

Also, I need to recognize that people thinking that I am second best does not mean that I can automatically pretend that they are not on my radar. They will get offended and I will get a bad reputation. I need to step up and not be such an emo kid.

Hearts.

Orientation Inevitabilities

The most interesting people are always the ones that I misjudge at first.

Notable mentions so far...

1. Serious Boy

Not a straight-up nerd per se, but all packaged up with techno glasses, conscientious class participation and a refusal to laugh at professors' jokes.

Game-changing move: Hooked up with two girls in one night. I witnessed one of the hook-ups myself. The collision of tongues was intense enough to qualify as both softcore (like porn) and hardcore (like a traffic accident)...Either way, impossible to not stare at.

New classification: Player Boy.

2. Pill Commercial Girl

She looks like one of bikini-clad synchro swimmers in the Seasonel birth control commercials. Gorgeous and poised. And in a hard-core relationship, like most all gorgeous, poised 20-somethings.

Game-changing move: Hooked up with rotund boy at club.

New Classification: Crazy...I mean wtfuck? She's gorgeous, he's not, and he is a republican. Poor choice, hon. I mean no real judgment here, just shock.

3. Frizz Girl

I just want to condition her hair. And I am not usually one to talk about that delicate subject since I suffer from humidity-induced half-fros on a regular basis. Anyway, I just assumed that boys would not consider her the most bangin' babe ever because of the frizz halo and the spit-saturated way that she speaks.

Game-changing move: She literally attracts strangers off the sidewalk. And now she is casually dating one of these "hey baby can I get yo digits" boys. I think that in my initial analysis I did not take into account the effect of big boobs. Sounds crass, but so are random guys, right?

New Classification: Holla back girl.

4. Going Places Guy

He is easily the most concerned with the future person that I have encountered here so far. He did not mince words in telling me that according to past precedent, I can kiss my chances of a worthwhile clerkship goodbye if I don't get Honors in my first semester.

Game changing move: TOTALLY broke it down at the club. He went lower than most girls even dare, and was not shy about attempting a grind-up multiple times. Also suddenly insisted on paying for EVERYTHING. I'm talking shots, pizza, t-shirts and taxis. He was shoving money in our hands, purses and pockets until we felt like strippers. Basically, he bankrolled the entire night apart from the round of drinks that his roommate bought and the round of turtles* that his other roommate threw down for.

New Classification: High Roller.

*balloon animal corsages.

I am actually fully in support of all these individuals. I like being surprised, even if the surprise is of the sleazy, slut-muffin variety.

"You forget a space in your citation. No H for you, bitch!"

500 Days of Summer

I wish I had that. In reality I only have 24 days until I have to be in Palo Alto. Terrible.

I don't have a plane ticket or a car. I don't know how I will get my stuff there. I don't want to think about it.

So I'm not.

I saw 500 Days of Summer tonight, which was altogether enjoyable. But it was also bittersweet which makes me sad. I have to watch some Bonesie tonight to wash that melancholy right out of my head. You might think that Bones is a crime show, but really its the longest time coming romance ever on TV. I hope the writers never mess it up! It always happens like that in shows that stay on the air a long time. There is some kind of angsty lovers drama between two MTB people which builds and builds and builds until it climaxes and they finally come together and its fabulous. But then there is no more drama so the next thing you know the writers break the couple up and send them in opposite directions.

Mmmm. It's so hot and humid that moving feels like swimming. Its easy to complain about the weather here, but I secretly love it. I want to live in the South one day.





"There is something not right about that little girl."
-Yoster

That Day Again

It always creeps right up on me. Three hours have passed already. I don't know what that means.

It's interesting though. [Cue scoffs from the skeptics.] It is almost as if the events in my life were designed to make coping easier for me. For years and years I have been all about half birthdays. May 2nd is my little sister's half birthday...a date to celebrate. May 2nd was also Olive's D-Day...a date that would have been automatically emo if not for Yoster. The other date that I would feel inevitably tortured is June 29th. Olive's birthday. Also my mother's birthday...and thus clearly a day for elation.

I am not actually saying that I definitively believe that those dates are more than a coincidence. Perhaps its just luck. Either way, I appreciate it.

I miss her like crazy. But not so much that it drives me crazy.

You know it's midterms when...

Everyone suddenly wants to eat out for every meal.

Your housemates oscillate between dropping the ball on everything including flushing the toilet and between binge cleaning the entire house in order to procrastinate.

Normally reasonable people are suddenly enthralled with The Hills and all other forms of mindless entertainment.

Starbucks has a line longer than Ben and Jerry's on free cone day.

I am suddenly pleased with the lack of responsibility in my life.




Aaron [holding garlic press]: "What's this?..........Aha! A pasta maker."

Uh Oh

I am having a slight panic attack. Probably because I am a little sleep deprived and stressed about jetting down to Cali later this week on God knows what plane and staying God knows where. I damn well need to get my shit under control.

Normally I would probably be zen about this and do what I want to do without much worry or analysis. It's only been nine days after all. But it has also already been nine days.

I'm scared.

Hmph. But everything always works out for me and I will make sure that it does once again here. Plus I already told my mother that it would. So you know....that's that.

Zen achieved.

Mourning Morning

I am supposed to be living a life of leisure. And I have been looking fervently for activities to keep me busy. What I didn't realize was that some of these activities involve waking up early Saturday mornings. 

I am so fully in support of helping out friends and everything. But it sounded so much better a proposition when it wasn't two in the morning. Navy Seals and beer and Aladdin's was such a poor choice. Fuck those 15th Ave kids.

"Err on the side of explosion."

-Franco

From Little Girls in the Big City to Big Girls in the Little City

Mulan was pissed. But, like Josh would point out, anger is simply a reaction to the experience of other emotions. Really, Mulan was sad, hurt and confused. Her supposed Prince Charming had decided that they couldn't "last through the summer". He didn't want to break up just yet, though, so he set the relationship expiration date at the end of June. Mulan was fully in support of pragmatism, but this was a bit much. It was one thing to carry on a relationship while acknowledging an uncertain future in the distance, but it was quite another to mechanically "date" while marching toward the ETBU. She almost felt like a disposable booty call...only a PG-rated one. 

Aurora was also miffed. (An emotion she experienced on a regular basis.) Although she had been rather impressed with herself and her entourage of options recently, she had just about used all of those options up. Or rather, had realized upon closer examinations that some of those options were not options at all. And so with no immediate entertainment to distract her she fell back into the habit of thinking of Kyle, her second love. Luckily for her-or unluckily, depending on your viewpoint-he hadn't forgotten her either. However, the barriers between them were insurmountable for now. He might miss her and adore her and be the one of the few people able to talk her down when she's upset (an impressive feat), but any future together would be far too distant to do anything but daydream about...and Aurora did not dwell on dreams of any kind. 

Belle seemed to have absorbed all the happiness and good fortune that Aurora and Mulan were unable to. For the second time, things had worked out for her against all odds, causing Ella to shake her head in wonder. Belle was satisfied. For now. But also worried. Because worrying was just what she did. There was a certain skill that she felt she lacked. This skill was supposed to be instinctual, but she was under the impression that it eluded her, and whether or not that was true, the idea that it eluded her would act as a self-fulfilling prophecy. She also didn't want to jinx anything, which she was excessively skilled at. She liked head games, but she didn't like it when her own head started playing games with itself which was an often and disconcerting occurrence. So, she decided to turn her attention away from herself (for once) and towards Ella...and Ella's love life, of course. 

Ella was in a romantic sort of limbo. She had just had one of those cataclysmic moments with a crush that forces you to put them and that embarrassing moment out of your head once and for all. And that left her...bored. Yet, there was someone right in front of her. He just happened to be a friend so oppressively close that she refused to think of him as anything but just that. He gave her what she wanted for sure. And he appeared to have the same interests and tendencies. The two of them were probably even closer than she realized. However, Ella was nothing if not stubborn, and more than anything she hated being told what to do. Too many people had suggested too many times that she give this boy a chance (including the boy himself), and that simply hardened her resolve to not be drawn into any inevitably incestuous relations with him. However, if you took away the incest, forgave some of his forwardness and injected some competition into the mix there may exist a very very small chance that Ella would finally consider the boy as something more than a dependable brother...or not. 

Ariel was much harder to read than all the other princesses. She had an edginess that they could only pretend to attain on late nights aided by volumes of eye liner. In her (non-)contest with Ella she had completely withdrawn from the race in an act so selfless and sisterly that she had to have been born and bred on the West Coast. Ariel's action was even more impressive considering that she had much more of a chance than Ella did with regard to this particular guy. But, no matter. This boy was destined to be forgotten by the both of them. And while the picture was pretty empty for the most part, there was one boy. A silly, naughty boy who needed to be made to follow rules like a child. But a fun, dependable boy nevertheless. It was possible that she would give him a chance...after all, she was nothing if not generous. 

I Heart Pessimism

It makes me oh so happy in the end. Setting your expectations low ensures that more than half of the time you will be pleasantly surprised. 

A random guy walks up to your table in a bar. You expect skeezeball pick up lines....instead you receive a slice of orange. Aha! Fabulous!

You buy a hot dog from a stand in the middle of Belltown and expect it to be blah to normal and probably slightly cold. Instead it is the best hot dog you have ever eaten in your life. Applause!

You order a new drink and clench your teeth for the first sip because it will likely taste like straight alcohol. New drinks always do, right? NO! Instead it is like drinking an alcoholic sour patch kid. Yum!

These are all examples where normal expectations would have still yielded a pleasantly surprising outcome. But having low expectations makes the surprise so much more shocking and increases the pleasantness threefold. 

Drunk guy: "You have two girls with you...that's greedy, man!"

Drunk girl: "Yeah and you're gay, so you have TWO girls and you're not even going to use them!"

Chloe: "USE us??"

Drunk girl: "You know, take advantage of you."

What I Learned In NYC

1. No matter how hard you try there will always be someone who doesn't like you. And you just can't take it personally, even if that someone calls you a bitch.

2. Heels=male attention times ten.

3. Heels all over New York=sore feet and a cab ride home.

4. 80's music makes everything more fun. Ditto famous people.

5. I really don't like using the bathroom on vacation. So I kinda just don't. Eww?

6. Shopping is almost as effective as having a tantrum when it comes to coping with bad surprises.

7. Being naive and innocent-looking may suck most of the time, but it also means that you can pull off bordering-on-slutty clothes that would make any other girl look like an absolute ho.

8. I need to make sure I don't end up with someone who doesn't like watching movies as much as me. I want to watch movies everywhere. Even on vacation where you could be doing absolutely anything and the world is at your feet. I have never known anyone else like this (besides people that watch with me just to humor me).

9. The cold makes me want to shoot myself.

10. Friends are the bestest estestestest things ever.



"Phoebe, you realize that Emi can't actually put us in timeout, right?"
-Chloe

Addict

Me: "Don't shut my door, I am actually trying to be open to communication with the real world."
My sister: "I'm on facebook too."

Weirdo.

She looks more like Marissa, from the OC, every day. I am jealous.

Milestones

Te put on his shoes by himself for the first time today! Granted they were Crocs, but these type of baby steps are important. Well, toddler steps actually. He's also developed a funny habit of saying that his third birthday was last week (not true) and alternately trying to convince people that he is six years old (also false). Goober.

And when I left at the end of the day both of the boys said "I love you" to me which was another big first.

I am going to be so sad to leave them. And how will their mom ever find another nanny that actually sleeps beside Te for his afternoon nap? I will send them postcards.




"That your puter?"
-Te asking about my laptop.

Softcore Porn

I have never read one of those books that is complete smut...until now. Yes I've done the whole chicklit thing. And that's what I thought I was checking out of the library the other day until I got home and read a hundred pages of nonstop erotica.

Why didn't I stop? For one, I rarely stop reading any book, and if I do its only after I've gotten to the halfway point. And second of all, you try putting down something that intense. It's like turning off the TV at the beginning of We Own the Night. Yeah its a little bit weird watching Joaquin Phoenix and Eva Mendes (and Eva Mendes and herself) go at it, but its mesmerizing so you watch. Plus you have to find out what happens to the estranged brothers. Which coincidentally was also a key element in my porno library book's plot.

And then you feel dirty afterwards. Reading is also somehow more explicit than watching.

My dermatologist is the shit.

He's a Jewish doctor in his late forties (I would guess) and after only one sentence he immediately has you thinking "Ahh, you are just about the sharpest tool in the entire shed aren't you". I haven't seen him in over a year and he recognized me as soon as he walked in and immediately asked me if my bruises had gone away and how my time in South Africa went.

Then he recommended that my sister switch from minocycline (the stuff that caused my perma-bruises) to doxycycline, which is just as effective with less side effects.

Getting to the real business of the day, he took a cursory, yet comprehensive, glance at my fingertips and diagnosed me with hand eczema. Blah blah blah, prescription for the blisters. Description of the "chronic condition". Warning to stay away from hot water (so much for the hothot showers that I take whenever I'm cold, which is always, and for my toddler germ fighting regimen). And I was out in less than five minutes.

That man is a machine. A machine with an absolutely explosive IQ and a mind like a steel trap. I am thoroughly impressed.

So. If you have bruises, rashes, acne or something else skin related and you are in or around Baltimore, go see Mitchell Klapper, MD. Satisfaction guaranteed. Plus the best bagels in Baltimore are literally right around the corner from his office.

You heard it here.

Stress: Spring Break Edition

Yes, it is that time of year. Spring Break that is, not stress...stress is a year-long event.

I should be getting psyched. After all, anticipation is half the fun. But I'm somehow not really on board yet.

For one, I'm stressed about us finding a place to stay. We have reservations at a nice hostel/hotel in the Morningside Heights neighborhood but we want to be more downtown. I found a place on Craigslist that sounds good and is Gramercy (where Whitny from The City lives...fate?). But I'm always scared about giving my credit card information to people who aren't from corporate hotel chains. Am I being sketchy? Should we just subway it on all our outings, or should we risk getting scammed to try to get a place closer.

For the record, the Craigslist woman sounded totally legit. And contrary to popular belief, I am not that naive about stuff like this, aaand I have good instincts.


That's kind of small cookies, though. Because I'm also worried that I won't even have fun. I don't want to be pessimistic, but I AM pessimistic. Chloe and KPott and I haven't hung out in a zillion years. I love them both to death and we talk as much as possible on the phone. But they've both been distant lately. What if spending a week together in a busy city is stressful instead of exciting? Argh. It's probably that they both have finals. And we always have fun, so I'm sure it will be fine. But I want it to be mindblowing, not just fine...... we'll see.

Finally, I am also getting that preparing-to-leave meloncholia. This will be my last time living with my parents. And my last time living with my sister! I'll KIT as much as I can, of course. But I highly doubt that I will come live at home after law school. Even during the summers between law school years, I'll be working somewhere. "I'm not mature enough for this!" (Parent Trap, everybody.) My parents can handle it, and once I'm gone I will be fine too. I don't get that sad when I am away and busy. But I will miss being with my sister and I know she'll miss me too. I feel like I already missed so much of her youth (yes, I sound like I'm over 50) when I was living outside the house during college. She's only just started high school now, and I'm going to miss a rockin' good time. Boooo.

Pobre Phoebe. Ahora mi vida es triste. Soy emo.

Dame desu neeee!

Isn't it weird how all languages other than your first are stored in the same part of your brain? I have NEVER been able to compose espanol in my head without nihongo vocab randomly popping up. No Spanglish for me, just Japanish. Or Spanese. I don't know bout you but I much prefer the former. More syllables are always better.





"But, but you told me that I was the rule and... does this mean I'm the exception?"
"You're my exception."
Yet again, that part made me tear up.

I Got It From My Mama

I complain a lot about my mother's lack of prowess in the whole sympathy field...ditto empathy. But I am starting to realize that I am not so slammin' myself when it comes to consoling people.

I maintain that I make much more of an effort than my mother. I just never know what to say. To the point where what I say is trite and makes things worse not better. I ALWAYS end up saying, "Wow, that sucks," which I think most people interpret as me trivializing the situation. I can just see them thinking "whatever Phoebe, like you can even pretend to understand my current plight."

This past year Josh's coaches asininely cut him out of a tournament trip that he had been looking forward to all year. I knew it was a really big deal for him, and I felt horrible. But I knew that nothing I said would even come close to communicating that I understood what he was feeling or come close to actually making him feel better. So I tried my best to empathize and comfort him and let him talk if he needed to. And he got mad at me for not saying enough and not being sympathetic enough. Clearly, I suck.

My sister was always the same way. She's a little bit prickly when she is unhappy. She doesn't like being touched...or really bothered at all. When we used to fight when I babysat her she always pulled the "you don't care about me at all!" card. Which inevitably made me feel awful. I would come and try to talk to her and tell her that of course I loved her. I would even crawl in bed with her and rub her back while she fell asleep. And she would just shrug me off and ignore me.

Then again, perhaps it is rare for people to be all that receptive to being consoled. Chloe used to try really hard to talk me down when I got worked up about something. I think she never understood why I wasn't having it when she tried to brainstorm ways out of my colossal dilemmas. What it really came down to was that when I have meltdowns I don't want to hear possible solutions to my issue. By that point I've already decided that it is the end of the world, and so all I want to do it yell and blame someone....even if there isn't really anybody to blame.

So maybe other people are like that too. Maybe they don't want to be made to feel better or told that its going to be fine. Maybe they want someone to blame and critique. If so then my mother and I are actually prime examples of good consolation services. Because we leave much to be desired.

Speaking of my mother, she and I had a fabulous morning. She bought me a new scrapbook and some paper, and she took me out to lunch. I feel quite awful that I just spent a couple of paragraphs critiquing the woman who was responsible for procuring me a giant hamburger that not only was covered in cheese, but also had copious amounts of bacon AND pulled pork. I couldn't even finish my pickle. And its a big deal when I don't eat the whole pickle. So let me just say this: yes, I do have mommy issues with the lack of a sympathetic ear that sometimes exists in my household, but I would not trade or change my mother for anything in the world. She is the absolute PERFECT mix of cool, funny, poised, hilarious, dorky, extremely intelligent, selfless and loving. I have never even met another woman who rivals her.

Even if I have picked up one of her lack of warm and fuzzy tendencies, I am lucky to have the opportunity to become more like her.

Difficult Kids 101

I feel really bad for the woman that I nanny for. She's a fabulous mom and a great person, and I feel like she and I have similar personalities. But her kids drive her absolutely nuts, and her husband is commuting from the west coast on a weekly basis.

The oldest one is four years old and he already acts like an angsty teenager. He throws tantrums so constantly that, for him, making a scene is not an incident, it's a state of being. He likely has sleep apnea which is fueling the problem, but he also has just learned at a very young age how to manipulate his parents.

The little one is two and has a much sunnier disposition, but he learns more from his brother every day. When the two of them get going with their whining and shrieking and pushing it is total mayhem.

Although I am only the nanny and I obviously have a lot less experience with kids and with Till and Te in general than the mom, I feel like talking to her about things. Sometimes when you're trapped in a bad situation you can't quite see the escape route the way an outsider can.

I think the best way to approach the handling of naughty kids is to take on the psyche of a high school jock or someone of that nature. Number one, you need to realize that (to the kids at least) you are hot shit. They are lucky to have your attention whenever they have it, and nothing you do will make them stop adoring you. That's why guys are often better at handling elementary school-aged kids and younger (contrary to popular belief)...because guys have little or no qualms about kids not liking them if they don't give them what they want. Girls are often encouraged by society to weigh the emotional consequences of each action and avoid anything that will make them seem less nice. With badly behaved children, that kind of thinking can be downright dangerous.

Second, don't tolerate bullshit. You are way too cool to have to listen to nonsense like whining. So don't. When kids act out, don't ignore it and don't act like that is normal behavior and simply say "stop whining!" Aim more for the "what the hell do you think you are doing!?" tone (without the hell of course) and make it clear that whining is weird and uncool and will NEVER be rewarded.

Third, whenever whining occurs go out of your way to make sure the kid does not get whatever he was whining for. Even if you were planning to give him a cookie when he whines and starts making a scene about wanting the cookie immediately change your plans and don't give him the cookie. Whether or not you make a big deal of the fact that revoking the cookie is punishment for the whining (which could cause further tantrums and is a little hard for small children to understand), the kids will still learn super quickly that whining is not an effective method of getting what they want. And they will stop whining altogether. Children are naturally inclined to whine like they are inclined to cry when they are sad....whining is a manipulative behavioral tool that they will cease to utilize when it is de-incentivized.

Fourth, go over the top to reward good behavior. Kids are willing to play by the rules when they can understand what the rules are...and when they realize that cheating is not an option because you are smarter and utterly unmanipulatable. Good manners like saying "please" are regularly rewarded by parents because they are so visible...or rather, audible. But also make sure to reward more passive actions like patience, or when a child refrains from freaking out when their toy is stolen. Rewarding good behavior will go just as far as punishing bad behavior once kids work out that they can seriously benefit from pleasing you.

Finally, remember that kids like boundaries. It's not just a silly proclamation that screwballs like Dr. Laura (oooh, I hate her) espouse. It's the truth. You have to realize that kids may not like not being allowed to do something at that exact moment, but they like rules in general. They are learning how to live and rules make life significantly less confusing for them. Plus rules help kids understand how to make YOU happy, and you are such a big part of their life that they can really only be happy when you are happy. So don't be afraid of being a rules bitch. Family households should NOT be democracies.



Endnote: Yes, I hate UCLA this year, but Josh Shipp is SERIOUSLY cute. There is also something to be said for rivals/villains being attractive. See Cillian Murphy.

Ewww.

There are so many typos in these entries. I may have to delete this blog. Or shoot myself.

Let's sleep on it.

Things That Are Good

Personalization:

EVERYONE who is cute wants jeans, etc, that have the first letter of their name on them or something like that. Same with girls wanting Victoria's Secret undies that are specially designed for their university. Yes, it's just a marketing ploy. But it is a damn enjoyable one.



Businesses that go the nearly effortless extra mile:

Case in point...it was my dog's birthday this past week, and the vet sent this ecard.
It's not an actual picture of my dog, but it is his breed. This is the stuff that makes me happy with my pets' health care. That and lack of illness of course.



Movies based on video games:

At first this always seems dumb to me, and I am consistently embarrassed to admit my love for all things Resident Evil. BUT, I have decided that it makes perfect sense that movies based on video/computer games would be qualitatively better. For one, everyone comes into a movie with no knowledge of the back story. Some movie makers go buck wild with complexity and seem to forget this key detail. Or else they overcompensate and feed what should be subtle clues to the viewers repeatedly. Video game plots offer the perfect middle road because they're constructed to be learn-as-you-go yet complicated enough to keep the video gamers interest and possibly cause them to lose repeatedly.

Also, using the video game sequence of events for the movie storyline ensures that every scene has meaning and rids it of the senseless death that is frustrating in so many other movies. Don't you just hate it when some asinine character goes charting around enemy territory, stumbles upon a locked door and then unleashes hordes of zombies...all without accomplishing anything? Infuriating. And it happens oh so often. In video game movies, however, there are inevitably insurmountable challenges that arise, but there is always a point. She wanders into an empty hallway/lab room/office and has to fight a zombie, but she finds a gun/has a flashback/key piece of information there which is instrumental to her escape.


Little Boys:

In the car with Till and Te and Calhoun (MY rubber car lion) and "sick bear" (MY teddy bear that smells like chocolate)...

Me: "Te, be careful! Calhoun will break if you stretch him too far."
Till [holding my teddy bear]: "Phoebe, Calhoun doesn't just belong to you, he belongs to me and Te too. And this sick bear doesn't belong to you, he belongs to all of us."

???????

Work.

Me: "I like your new glasses, Dean. It's a good look."

Dean: "You're a good look."

See? Not everybody at work thinks I'm worthless......yup, I keep telling myself that. (: No, its not really that bad. I think I might give people Valentines before I leave because I am sort of attached at this point and I want them to know that I think they're cool and will actually miss them.

I hope I can find a store that still has those Valentines with Disney characters on it. Those are kind of my thing.







"You're a bitch!"
-Corey...I didn't mind him saying this because a) I know he didn't mean it, b) I give him a hard time sometimes, as do most other people, and c) he has gorgeous eyes.

It may or may not be that time of month...

I just got an email from one of the Mennonite "young adults" at my church inviting me to a BYOB St. Patrick's day party. Awkward. I mean he did make sure to tell people to bring local beer since its better for the environment, but I didn't even know that Mennonites were allowed to drink except in a renegade, on the DL fashion. Hmmm.

Also, I hate it when people that I am not friends with are too much like me. I mean, hellloooo. Get your own personality. Maybe you don't realize that you keep posting on facebook about all the things that I am interested in, but I was born first so just back off and leave my favorite things to me.

And finally, I enjoy being a waitress because there is no other legit job where you can monetarily benefit from being cute without feeling like a total skank. If you aren't good at being cute, well...sorry. But if you are you might as well waitress for a little while so that your cuteness can be appreciated (and rewarded) by grandmothers, frat boys, and families alike.

Plus waitressing encourages you to push the creativity envelope in devising bigger and better ways to escape the boredom of the dreaded Sunday double. Case in point: "I will pay you five bucks if you eat that whole tube of black pepper." Unfortunately nobody was cheap enough.

"If you put this liquid into your eye I will switch sections with you and close for you tonight." I did go for that one. I got to go home early and my eyes didn't even sting.

Label: "Black coke. Do not snort. If lost return to head waiter." That was the black pepper again.

"Let's all put fake tats on our necks like Rihanna and Chris Brown."

"Dude, let's put salt and ice on our hands and give ourselves frostbite." That little bit of faux frat bonding I refused to participate in. Way too That 70's Show. And the lesions they ended up were gross and lasted days. Not in a cool way.

And today we not only blew our way through seven Mensa crosswords, we also started constructing our own. The puzzle theme is "It's the Pits!" in honor of the working environment at the fine establishment that employs us.





"Phoebe, are you busy or do you think that rolling silverware and setting up the dining room could be more important than making a crossword?"
Passive aggressive bullshit pisses me off. Especially when every single person at that restaurant knows that all you have to do is ask and I will immediately embark on the completion of any task. And I do not appreciate being called "Miss Thang" when I have a legitimate complaint about that tone of voice used when addressing me.

Phoebe's Tips for Disorganized Girls on the Go

1. Wrinkled clothes? Hang them in the bathroom while you shower. If you shower for as long as I do they will be perfectly smooth by the time you get out.

2. Life without gum is nasty, brutish and short.

3. Constantly dry skin? Slather on multiple coats of Cetaphil lotion in the am and then add powder to your newly shiny skin and you will be good for the entire day.

4. Floss should be kept in your bag for easy access. If it is an emergency and you didn't put it in your purse you can use a strand of hair.

5. Can't wear eyeshadow because the powder collects in the creases of your eyes? Use tinted chapstick instead.

6. Always carry a crossword puzzle for awkward situations.

7. If you can't find matching socks, deliberately pick ones with drastically different patterns yet the same color tones so that it looks like you are being bohemian and cute and not just messy.

8. Have a hard time getting yourself out of bed in the morning? Put a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup on top of your alarm along with your iPod pre-tuned to your favorite playlist. That way as soon as you reach a conscious state you are fueled, caffeinated and your mood is moderately under control.

9. Wash and save your to-go Starbucks cups so that you can take your coffee with you in the morning without worrying about losing/breaking yet another of your travel mugs.

10. Don't paint your nails. Its fun, but if you have no time to combat the inevitable half chipped off stage you'll end up looking like a scrappy middle-schooler.



"I am the hottest, I am the hottest."
-My mother (who else?) as she demonstrated her newly acquired exercise video hip hop moves.

Operation Awkward Narwal

Commenced today at 1700. Biz-cas shoes were bought. At Payless Shoes no less. Mwahahaha. The last time I was inside one of those stores was before high school. I have decided after today though that that establishment deserves to be frequented much more often. The shoes are perfectly-sized mini wedges. Not too casual, not too high. Because as much as I support looking cute, there is no way that I am blundering around that city in heels without backup. That can be attempted in 2 weeks.

Still worried about whether I will look like a serious fool rolling around with my suitcase on a subway. I am too cheap to take a cab and I need too many clothes to pack a more reasonably sized bag so I suppose there is no escaping it.

But suitcase or no suitcase my number one fear is being alone in the midst of a giant group for three days. I think I will have to take preemptive action by actually making myself be outgoing for once. Gag. And if I crash and burn I can always go drink in a bar for three days, right? Right. ....a cool bar, though. I will be picked up by random guys and have a fling a night.

Tee hee. Not.

Television es triste.

It makes me cry so often. Am I emo? Perhaps. I am a sweat the small stuff type. Lots of tantrums about deadlines and bills and social drama. Some tears every now and then when lives fall apart on the OC. But that's just the small stuff.

I am a master at dealing with the big stuff. Zen, comparatively. Tears about big issues are few and far between. It's also funny that other people seem to be very receptive to giving sympathy for smaller things, but will rarely even mention the big stuff.

And then there's my mother...who won't yield an ounce of sympathy for anything. I don't know how she and I are so different. Shouldn't I be modeled after her??? I think I took after my dad. I have a temper and limited patience. I am stubborn and I always think that I can devise a stratagem that will make everything difficult fall into place. And when things turn out not so peachy, I have trouble.

My mom and my sister are more independent. They think they have to be silent martyrs about a lot of things. They are also funny in a stubborn I'll say what I want to say to whoever I want to way. And they aren't the queens of tlc or sympathy, and sometimes (rarely) they struggle a bit with tact. But they handle stress marvelously...and privately.


It all comes out in the wash.







"I think that he should just shoot it because it is clearly a big freako."
-My mother on the lack of non-defensive killing in I Am Legend

Loco Hombres

I used to really hate Ted. That's why I named him Ted. But now I quite like him. I would even not mind spending more time with him. Not like I want to chill. Just that he is seriously funny and generally enjoyable to be around. The perfect amount of self-deprecating without taking himself too seriously.


I think that this is very positive. It shows that I am not overly judgmental. And its like a cute little surprise. Taking a sip of water only to find out that it is a mimosa. Hot dog! It makes it even better than a mimosa that you thought was a mimosa.


Huskies=#1 in Pac-10 for 2009. Yes, they could have to share that spot. But I doubt it. Because UCLA will lose one of their upcoming games. And we will NOT allow Wazzu to win the basketball Apple Cup.

Cortisol Days

I am so angsty these days. I mean my general level of angst is higher than your average 21 year-old, but I am even more on edge these days.

Things that keep me up at night:
1. Giving my two weeks notice tomorrow at work. Doesn't have to be awkward, but I will make it awkward just because that's the way I am. Plus my boss will unintentionally make me feel guilty/slighted/embarrassed. No comments from the Ms Roosevelt camp, please.

2. Visiting law schools on my own. I don't do well when I am completely on my own in foreign cities. I have a feeling it will be a terrifying and awkward (of course) experience. People don't seem to like me in Baltimore all that much so how am I supposed to fair where nobody knows me and I am even more scared/shy.

3. Financing law school. Even just applying for financial aid gives me chest pain.

4. Choosing a law school. Butterflies here, not pain.

5. Stupid lab corp is after me for money and the insurance already paid them but lab corp my name spelled wrong on the forms so it won't go through. Sketchy agency. Plus, they have sent the bill to collections which will screw with my credit report which will screw with me getting student loans. Unless of course it doesn't show up on my credit report on account of them using a completely butchered version of my name.

6. Husky games that go into overtime because of silly mistakes. I forgive you Justin Dentman. You are still my favorite. Behind B-Roy and Tre and Nate and Bobby Jones. Yes, in that order.

Tissues falling and gum on my skirt.

Academy Awards tonight. Yay for Slumdog.

Olive's family used to have a party the night of the Oscars. And Olive and I and any other of our friends that were there used to dress up in her mother's old prom dresses. Huge bows, bright satin and out of control puff. And we used to fill out our ballots very faithfully, all vying for the Starbucks coffee card or whatever else was the prize for most accurate award predictions.

Tonight my sister had her friends over to our house. They dressed up in fancy dresses and we printed out ballots for them to vote.

I feel like my time has passed. Now I just sit back and watch other people and remember when. I should be too young to feel this over.


And then I chose to read a flighty bedtime book to distract and comfort me before sleep. It promised to be about a cheating fiancee, fashion magazine editing and finding love in New York. But now, halfway through, the story has become focused on the heroine's best friend being suddenly diagnosed with AIDS, and her watching him die from afar. Absolutely perfect.


I feel very very alone.

Road Trip Food Stops

Panera

My mother accosts a cashier: "So you decided to trademark Peppadew?! How can you trademark Peppadew? It's a vegetable, it should belong to everyone."

Turns out that Peppadews are not normal vegetables (hence the capitalization). They are sweet piquante peppers only grown in the Limpopo province of South Africa and trademarked by Peppadew International. So in order for Panera to advertise their use of Peppadew flavors they are required to include the trademark sign. Who knew.



Starbucks

Never trust out of the way Starbucks. I always find that my drinks come out tasting a little burnt there. Plus they did not give me whipped cream like I asked for (hello, just because I wanted nonfat does not mean that I don't want whipped cream) and instead gave me an excess of foam. I hate foam. It makes me want to throw up. That is how I know that I would not enjoy going to the restaurant that belongs to the current "Best Chef in the World" because his specialty is flavored foam. Gag me.



Cracker Barrel

They should have one of these in every town in our fine nation. Apart from the regrettable lack of natural light (they cover all the windows...???), I had THE PERFECT breakfast. Where else can you get bacon, ham, sausage, biscuits, gravy, eggs, hash brown and sauteed apples all for less than eight dollars? Nowhere, that's where. And they also gave me grits too, but I don't do grits.



Subway

Lots of pickles means minimum 20, not 10. Get a clue.



Olive Garden

We are doing that tonight. Birthday girl's choice. I am soooo looking forward to the salad. If I could only pick 15 things to eat for the rest of my life one of them would be Olive Garden salads. The only thing I am not looking forward too about Olive Garden tonight is the hour wait that we will inevitably have to endure because nobody in my uncle and aunt's household can make it out the door before 7:30 at night. Plus this time together will give my parents more time to question me on my life plan. Every time they start a conversation with me these days its "in ten years you should be moving on to your second career, what career will that be?" or "you need to pick what area of law you want to go into and what coast you see yourself living on in the long run." Aaaagh, I just want to be left alone and read John Grisham.


My mother has just fallen asleep at the foot of the twin bed I am currently in. Hmm.




"Cory's eyes are like a jungle,
He smiles its like the radio,"
-T-Swi, Stay Beautiful

Class is...

Not using your last possession of the game to dunk on the opposing team that you are already beating by 9 points.

Not insinuating that the opposing team is "dirty".

Referees who actually call fouls especially when they are egregious and game-changing.

Student sections with witty cheers and not "Gary Coleman" taunts that were scammed off the Oregon student section's abuse of Nate Robinson almost three years ago. Seriously. Get some newer, classier material.

Bands that don't wear Hawaiian shirts for their uniforms.

Not UCLA.

I take it back.

So. I didn't mean to go off about Josh specifically.

I meant that I just like to say "I feel" and I don't want to be bugged about it.

Either he read my last two posts and is angry at me, or he is just mean and angry in general because I just woke up to a "let's have no more contact...leave me alone!" facebook message.

There are no words.

And one more thing...

Josh always said that I say "I feel" too much. We even had an intense fight about it once. That was the same fight where he told me that I shouldn't talk about politics in his country since I didn't grow up there.

I understand that there is something to be said for not prefacing opinion statements with "I feel" just to make them more palatable. I am often guilty of that. But I also preface a lot of what I say with "I feel" because *gasp* I actually feel a lot of things. I think a lot of things too, but when you have stumbled onto a conclusion by instinct instead of a logical thought process or when you say something because of an emotional urge rather than mental stimulation that's called feeling. Webster's that shit.

And if that's just too much to handle, then I'm too much to handle, and you should date a freaking computer. Additional bonus: computers don't talk politics.



"I suffer from rage black-outs."
-Summer, The O.C.

Lost

I am feeling kind of fed up with the speed of life. It seems like no matter where I am I am both rushed and left behind at the same time. I know that some people find my level of inexperience or rather lack of experiences as cute or innocent and lots of times I don't want to let on about it because I'm scared of people judging me or calling me naive. But there's also another part of me...a big part, actually, that wishes I was somewhat less experienced.

The problem is that I care too much about what other people think or what point that I should be at in my life and then I don't stop and pay attention to what I think and what point I am actually at. And what I think is that as much as I like boys and boyfriends and intimacy and as much as I like moving quickly because I'm impatient like no other, what I need is things to slow waaay down. In reality I am a little girl. I never want people to think I am which is why I will try not to act like it....even to the point where Josh was disappointed/intimidated by my nonchalantness and other people just didn't realize how "young" I was. And that led to me letting big things just whiz past. And its not that I couldn't handle those big things or that it negatively affected me in any way, its just that in retrospect maybe it would have been better to just not do certain things in those specific situations.

I feel like I lost myself a little bit in all the rush.

I also feel like all the people who I have done anything at all with have never been people that really knew me. Which is kind of sickening.


That being said, there is still that other category of fields where I am "left behind" and sorely lacking. And those are the bits that will lead to my inevitable embarrassment. God help me.


Crimson and clover, baby. Crimson and clover.

He's Just Not That Into You

A candy-coated comedy that EVERYBODY should see. The Gigi girl and the Mac-guy guy were hilarious and perfect.

BUT I think one important thing to remember is that the rules from the movie often only apply to "mature" guys/girls. Maybe later 20's/30's at least. Because (and I'm not telling one of those feel-better stories like in the movie) I know many people who have failed to get what they want not because they can't realize that some guy is just not that into them, but because they fail to realize that some guy might be into them but is waiting for some sign of encouragement before putting himself out there. And so while many girls are sitting there acting coy and popular, they are actually discouraging and excluding the interested guy who they likely like back.

Goal: Meet sharp bartender who can give me advice at all hours.

New Obsession: Tay-Sway. Aka, Taylor Swift. I have never downloaded an album off of iTunes. Partially because I used to be able to steal/burn all my music and partially because I am too cheap to throw down ten bucks instead of cherry-picking songs. But tonight Bei-zing and I went all out for Taylor. Who knew that ballsy lyrics, twangy pop and a little Jo-Bro hatred could be such an appealing combination?


Oh, and Ella dear...I guess he's just not that into you. Screw him. I only supported him because you liked him. I support Cruise waaay more. Sweatsuits=retro-suave cute. Go for it.






"State the obvious, I didn't get my perfect fantasy
I realize you love yourself more than you could ever love me
So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy
That's fine you won't mind if I say
And by the way...

I hate that stupid old pickup truck
You never let me drive
You're a redneck heartbreak
Who's really bad at lying
So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
As far as I'm concerned you're
Just another picture to burn..."

-Picture to Burn, by my new favorite 19 year old. I still think 19 first when anyone asks me my age and then I have to catch myself and say 21. I don't why I feel so perpetually that age. It's a new complex for me to analyze.

My Blood-Orange Valentine

There are no words for tonight. I feel like a loser, but I am pumped full of champagne and chocolate cake so I shouldn't complain. And a new cheetah tattoo on the back of your neck is never a bad way to end the night.


I need to get out of this city.








"Romeo, save me, I've been feeling so alone.
I've been waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think.
He knelt on the ground and pulled out a ring and said
'Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know,
I talked to your dad go pick out a white dress.'
It's a love story baby just say...
yes."
-Taylor Swift

Damn These Pacts

Chloe and I always come up with these excellent game plans for improving our lives and pledge to each other to take actual steps towards our goal....but I never really follow through. She doesn't that much either. I think the main problem is that I am such a head case and while I am actually in situations that relate to the pact, I can't think clearly enough to embark on the correct course of action.

For instance, one of our recent pacts was to come to terms with the fact that our "everybody hates me" psychosis is not based on reality and then to stop thinking like that. But how exactly do you go about that? I don't know. And further, I am still convinced that most people here in Baltimore aren't exactly wild about me. Maybe I will grudgingly admit that I am on the paranoid side and that they probably don't all hate me. But I still don't think that they like me. Because boring is no fun...boring may not be straight up bad, but "boring is what it is".

And so, no progress there.

Plus these little plans of ours not only fail to positively impact my life, they negatively impact me when I end up feeling bad and anticlimactic for accomplishing nothing and still being in the same position I was to begin with. Accepting that an issue exists may be the first step to addressing it, but if you never succeed in addressing it accepting that it exists is really quite unhelpful and not fun at all.



"Honey, you could just give me jewelry for Valentine's Day. Diamonds maybe."
-My mother to my father (very uncharacteristic)
"Where did that come from?!"
-Me
"That billboard over there gave me the idea."
-My mother

Conspiracy that this led me to uncover: Jarred's (Gallerias of Jewelry or whatever) are always extremely close in proximity to Red Robins. What is that about? This is the case in Seattle, Tacoma and Baltimore. Very sketchy I think. I would say that we have a serious little secret right here and I'm about to blow that shit wide open.

Uh oh.

I'm sick again. I have been sick now for the last four weeks. First I had a cold, then Noro, then another cold (light version), and now I have a distinctly different cold. I am hoping that all that doesn't spell HIV or some other auto immune disease.

It's probably just the kids who are making me sick. Between them and everyone I wait on at the restaurant I am exposed to a cocktail of germs every single day.

Today the 4 year-old and I had to make valentine's for everyone in his pre-school class which was a mission. He painted a huge picture which I then had to direct him in cutting into 12 squares to glue on 12 pieces of cardstock and then write his name on each one and also cut out and glue a heart on each one too. It was like pulling teeth and he doesn't really know how to write, and he refuses to glue and he can't cut out hearts so the process took about 2 hours.

I thought waitressing was tiring. I was wrong. In comparison waitressing is like a giant vacation.

But I am getting really strong arms. Especially because the two year old doesn't do stairs.





"I not goober, I Teo."
-Teo

Girl Meets Boy Meets Ex Meets World

I have a theory that you can pinpoint some of guys' biggest flaws by analyzing their past girlfriends and their girlfriends' flaws. Perhaps because of previous training, perhaps because of what they are drawn to. I don't know if this theory applies to girls because I am way too impartial for analysis of any girl I know well enough to apply it to. If that makes sense.


Case #1: Jess* is a guy who is shiny-perfect on the outside. Not that he is a mess on the inside...he's just flawed like everyone else. His most prominent ex is a flagrant bitch. She's hottt (yes, with three t's) but she's also the mean-girl type who will screw over anyone to get her guy--or more importantly, to get what she wants out of a guy--and who is horribly over-sexed to the point of whorish. She cheats on her boyfriends, fakes sweetness, sucks up to the relatives of any of her targets and considers all other girls to be competition.

So what does this tell us about Jess? Obviously he was willing to overlook serious personality issues in return for beauty and...sex? I don't know what else. Definitely not brains. He liked a straight-up ho so he will expect a freak in the sheets complete with waxing and all that. He didn't mind that she had no sense of girl-loyalty so he too will lack adherence to the bros over ho's mantra. She cheated and he knew about it and stayed with her so he will likely have a roving eye to balance her out. At the same time he deep down will expect betrayal and will respond with extreme possessiveness. Will consider outside appearances to be extremely important. Check, check, check, check. I should have taken one look at his ex and turned him down initially.

Case # 2:
Luke dated a seriously messed up Hot Topic high school princess. In terms of looks she wasn't of the "Not My Goodies" school of thought...more like, "Welcome to the Candy Shop". A fan of the make-up, but also witty, deep and wise, which goes a long way in canceling out any superficialness minus points. Also quirky and fun, which is another gold star. But a cheater in the end.

There is a lot of info there, but the main flaws (according to me) are...
-Hot Topic
-A slight bent towards hoochiness
-Head case
-Cheater

My theory would lead us to expect that Luke is not necessarily uber suave in terms of dress or taste (whatever that elusive term means). Not that he can't step it up on occasion, just that he will not pop the collar on a daily basis while dining at Wild Ginger. Secretly likes drama. Also secretly likes the idea of taking care of the weaker sex like a real man should...including straightening out any mental issues. Which means, possibly controlling at times. Combined with attraction to hoochiness+dating a girl that eventually cheated=probably extremely possessive.
And again, Luke does seem to meet all of these expected criteria.

Case #3:
Dean's ex was a complete crybaby. She didn't fit in with most other girls. Not because they didn't give her a chance, but because she didn't take it. She whined like a motherfucking tea kettle and was seriously emo. Unwilling to work hard and not the sharpest tool in the shed either. Moderately nice looking.

Dean, then, we would expect to have a high tolerance for babyishness and dullness. Which means that he is probably not the most mature, and is likely lacking in mental capacity. Ability to take constant whining=desperate....not enough experience or high enough standards. The fact that his ex was lazy like the crypt and he didn't mind enough for it to be a deal breaker probably means that he is not necessarily motivated or going places.

Yup, that's Dean to a T.

Case #4:
Logan went for a beauty queen three years younger than himself. And I do mean ACTUAL beauty queen. She was against all odds, sharp as shit and very motivated. Certainly first lady material. First lady as in Jackie O or Hilary (read: has a life/style/career of her own to distinguish herself from her husband and take her beyond her first lady role). But she was also a sorority girl. Dressed like a flight attendant and had a super bourgeois air.

Thus, Logan should be a frat boy at heart. The motivated type, yes. But the type that wants a trophy wife that can serve as an actual First Lady if need be. Attracted to flight attendant outfits=he envisions himself as a Ken to her Barbie. Way too cocky, and a little superficial. Cradle robbing=probably controlling. Handpicked a girlfriend where the relationship playing field will never be level (in the near future) because of the age difference...this means not only controlling, but insecure about his ability to control things when the scale is not rigged in his favor. Insecurities in ridiculously cocky boys are dangerous things.

My analysis is sort of bullshit, but I like doing critical bios of other people so it isn't really a loss. The point is mainly that I think my theory is ace, and I will use it to screen boys from now on.


Not like I have a lot of screening to do at the moment.... but you know I could use my new expertise to help the five aforementioned Disney sex goddesses.










*Let us use Gilmore Girls' guy characters as code names.

Crimson and Clover, Over and Over

Olive and I always felt like Jimmy Eat World wrote songs specifically for us. It seems like that even more so now that she's gone.

But I also think that there is not a single person in the world who can listen to some of their songs and not feel like the lyrics articulate exactly both their insecurities and desires.




"I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor I'm good to go,
Now all I need is just to hear a song I know,
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine,
I wanna fall in love tonight."
-A Praise Chorus

If I wasn't so uptight I could...

Get it on with one of the line cooks,
Get high at work,
Tell Lynn that she is not actually the shit (to the extent that she seems to believe),
Drink half the waiters at work under the table,
Take the boys to a museum tomorrow like I want to,
Get bangs,
Cut my hair shoulder-length,
Wear heels all the time,
Be a bitch to my annoying tables,
Tell people exactly what I want,
Be not boring.

But there is always something to be said for being repressed and angsty, right?



Wow. I want to know if that Olivia character on The City is for real. Do they script that shit or is there really such an extreme bitch loose in New York? Totally killed my buzz. Good thing Daddy's Girls is on now to make me zen again.

Karma is a bitch...always tip above 15%.

The restaurant was a complete shitshow. First of all, a number of mice died under the fridge in the servers' station only to be found and sort of scraped up this afternoon. So we were choking on the smell of decay all night long. The stench still won't leave my nose. Second, Max was supposed to bring in a movie to give to me, but PC picked up his shift so I was movie-less and very disappointed. Then to cap it all off I forgot to watch the water in the mop bucket while it filled and then it overflowed onto the just-mopped kitchen. All the cooks were gone so I had to clean it up all on my own....well, with the help of the flaming head waiter who is actually a really good guy under all his gay sexual innuendo.

Not to mention that people were tipping lower than ever. I beat my previous record for worst dinner tip when my last table tipped $5 on $62. Are you kidding me? That's less than ten percent. You should be making some kind of statement about the service if you tip that low. But no, they already told me that they loved the food and they acted like they were happy with me too. So basically they were total d-bags. I get paid three dollars an hour and when it is approaching midnight and you are the only customers left and I am still working solely because of you, you should at least make sure that I am making more than $8/hr. Assholes. Usually I can expect over $12 then...usually more like $20, so getting $5 is almost like getting nothing at all.

Now...beauty sleep. Because I have to be back at the restaurant bright and early for a double. Sometimes life is just so good.

Conundrums

1) I haven't been able to sleep lately. What's up with that? I love sleep. I relish falling asleep at night usually because I love the pre-sleep reading/music-listening/daydreaming routine. But I have been doing this thing where I have to refluff my pillows and switch them out and replace my head on the pillow repeatedly to the point where I become a ball of stress and not sleepy at all. Very OCD. I should probably have someone check me out.

2) Speaking of being checked out, two people at work today told me I was too skinny. But my sister and the bathroom scale have been insinuating that I am gaining weight in a not-so-good way. Who do I listen to??? I actually will not really listen to any of them...they all cancel each other out so I will consider the issue dunzo and do nothing. But it goes to show that you can't please everyone.

3) I think I have pinpointed my main issue with guys. I have never consciously looked for certain characteristics in guys as any sort of litmus test. But I have determined that subconsciously I am drawn to guys who make me laugh....above any other quality. Therein lies the problem. Generally the people that can make me laugh the most are the people that can catch me off guard and tease me....which also requires a certain lack of sensitivity. People who care too much about preserving the feelings of others are just not as funny. And so this leads me to boys that entertain me greatly, but at best have the said lack of sensitivity and at worst don't give a shit about my feelings at all.

Still, I will have to find a ways to reconcile the need for hilarity and the need for regard for my feelings. Because those are both necessary guy qualities. My father thinks that the former is not as necessary...hence his failure to understand why I am unwilling to consider a certain guy that I work with, PC, as boyfriend material. This is a boy that I like as a friend, he spent two years in Lesotho in the peace corps and he is intelligent and fun to talk to and he walks me home from work since he lives near me...all of these admirable qualities. BUT, he doesn't make me laugh that much, and he especially doesn't make me laugh at myself. Pshaw. The silly thing is that my father should understand this instead of thinking I am being a ditsy little girl because he is the one always cracking jokes in our family and making fun of me and "modeling" what I should be looking for in a guy. Hmmm, that last sentence bordered on Freudian thinking which I don't really support, but you get the point.

4) I love the feeling of irritated gums, but I am scared of gum recession. Specifically, I enjoy flossing overly aggressively to make my gums tingly, but I know that brushing and flossing too hard can spur gum recession. What do I do?

5) I am so dumb. But embarrassing myself is so much more interesting than keeping my mouth shut. Should I at least attempt to restrain myself from being so annoying and ridiculous?




During a game of hangman:
"I think that the word must be Magazine."
-Me
"But we already used up the S."
-Boy at work

An Open Letter to Bank Tellers:

Don't look at me with your snide judgment when I come in to make a deposit. I should be the one making you feel bad instead of the other way around because I sure as hell would make a deposit using an ATM in the freezing snow if it would allow me to avoid contact with snooty, boring, shoulder-padded jackasses such as yourself. Basically everybody who utilizes banks would rather converse with a machine instead of a teller. Soon, you will be obsolete.

And just because I make huge deposits of cash in small bills it does not give you the right to look at me strangely or wonder what I do for a living. The only reason I let money pile up like that in the box on my dresser is because I HATE going to the bank because of YOU. And being a waitress is hardly worse than being a bank teller. Waitressing is often temporary (as in my case) and even when it isn't it usually pays higher than your hourly salary. But I am sure you are just too bourgeois to involve yourself in a job where you are paid in cash. Besides, people like you could NEVER survive in positions where you actually have to be warm and friendly to customers in order to get paid. No, you opt for the cold frigid bitch approach. Well fine. The dry crusty look coordinates well with your expensive but somehow still dry and crusty clothes.

And one day when I am running around fighting the man as some sort of attorney I will receive my paycheck through direct deposit and I will never have to even look at you again. Then again, by that time even waiters will be able to use direct deposit, automated deposit machines, etc. and you will be out of a job.

Damn. I guess if I did any sort of public law work for the unemployment office like Sandra Bullock does in Two Weeks Notice I would actually have to interact with you again. Whoops, well then I will have to go corporate and do pro bono. That's right I would change my career path to avoid contact with your sorry asinine selves.

Sincerely,
The Girl With a Thousand in Cash

Watch as I become mi madre.....

My hands are so dry that they are cracking and bleeding. It's like something out of a bad horror movie on the plague. Luckily I found a hand lotion (sweet pea) that is the scent-equivalent of Herbal Essences. Magnifico.

I had a friend that always used to tell me that the smell of my hair reminded him too much of an ex of his. I wonder if we have reached the point yet where Herbal Essences reminds him of me instead of her.....or at least when he accidentally catches a whiff of my hair he is not repulsed. I don't think he and I will always be good friends. I would like to, but so much of the time we were friends I think he felt like he had to be the adult, the designated driver, and generally the caretaker of the rest of us. It seems like he almost resents it now. Of course we never asked or expected him to fill that role, we were relentless in nagging him to drink with us, it was just in his nature to be overly protective and overly generous and everything good and adult like that. I remember once when we stayed at J-Mu's cabin he even dragged B-hawk across the room by his neck when he tried to crawl in bed with Samantha and I. And B-hawk screamed like the girl in the first Jurassic Park. Boo, hiss...I hate growing apart.

In any case, this nannying job has convinced me that I don't think I want to have kids of my own anymore. Not that I planned to have them for at least fifteen years. They're just too tiring. I can't imagine coming home after a day of work only to be faced with four hours of warring with children. They become your entire life. I already feel like Till and Te are my entire life and they're not even my children! BUT. That being said, nannying also has me convinced that I should have kids. I am impossibly good with them. I am stricter than their parents by far, but kids need boundaries to function correctly and they are becoming better behaved already. Aaaand, we are still having quite a lot of fun. Well...they are having fun. And I am beginning to. Today we went to the park and we played soccer. Tomorrow we are going to Nursery Rhyme Time at the library. And since its the last day of our week, I am actually going to let them watch a Madeline/Veggie Tales movie.

I have a secret crush.

Brody Jenner is seriously cute. Overrated perhaps, but definitely my celebreality crush.





"Her mom was illiterate so when she filled out the Birth Certificate she just wrote random letters like 'xyaggersch'. But the daughter's name was actually Tangerine, because the mom liked how that sounded. So on the first day of school every year the teacher would get to her name and be like 'umm, x-yag-ge...' and she would be like 'oh, its Tangerine."
-Contessadora's dinner table monologue. I don't know where she gets this stuff,

Oh My God.

I have just noticed that I have a tiny chip out of my front tooth. Fuck. I should probably just shoot myself now.

.........

I am about as depressed as I get. You think a lack of happiness would just make me feel neutral, but no...I feel distinctly terrible. I have nothing in the immediate future to look forward to other than spending my one day off doing taxes, applying for student loans/scholarships/financial aid, going to the bank, and removing the two feet worth of junk off my bedroom floor by 8pm so that it doesn't get confiscated by my father (yes, I am ten years old). And then I have a week of work. I think my next day off may be next-next Friday.

Josh called this morning. It is difficult for me to remember exactly what was said because the phone woke me up and I was fighting to be conscious enough to communicate for most of the conversation. What I do remember is that he said he is leaving for Australia on February 18th. From there who knows if I will hear from him again since he won't have my phone number and I won't have his. And email would be an option but he told me point blank that he will not write to me because in my last email (I have been writing to him about once every three weeks since we broke up and he has never responded), I didn't tell him what he wanted to hear...which was that I miss him and can't live without him. And then he said that he had to go.

The only thing that I am remotely happy about at the moment is that tonight at work another waitress completely out of nowhere told me that after seeing Ted and I arguing last week she thought I could definitely take Ted in a fight. That pleases me.

But I still feel like crying. Seriously. What is there to look forward to at all? When I was in high school I loved my life. I would literally tear up sometimes when I went to bed at night because I was so excited to wake up the next day and live. I would listen to Jimmy Eat World at two in the morning and feel absolutely blissful. School was easy and we had so much extra time on our hands that we spent all day playing silly games, having water-drinking contests and stealing things like giant globes just to see if we could put them back without getting caught. We would wake up hours before school to bike there in the freezing cold, sometimes making huge chalk murals for our friends on the way. I still had my angsty days, but it was the exciting kind of angst that Lit songs were about. My biggest worry then was that my new boyfriend wouldn't like me quite as much when he found out about my obsession with all things Disney.

I don't know what happened to me. I don't know where my essence went. I am crossing my fingers that it didn't disappear on May 2nd 2006. Maybe that was more my loss of innocence slash trust in the world, yada yada, that went away then. Anyway, I am not even upset about how emo I sound right now because I feel way too shitty to even care.......and THAT is truly disturbing.

No Sex in the City

There were once five mixed up girls*....

Mulan had never been one who spent a lot of time talking or thinking about boys. Up until this year when everything fell into place. After a confusingly close friendship turned crush that dwindled when a certain party decided to opt for a girl three years younger than himself, another close friend (closer in proximity than in intimacy) presented himself. He was sensitive and sweet, not pushy at all, and a good kisser. The only question was whether Mulan reciprocated his feelings. And she couldn't tell herself. After countless hours of soul-searching she decided that she did "like like" him and she would consent to being his girlfriend. From there it was a bouquet of roses, a couple of dates, some making out and an "I love you" (on his part). But will this actually be happily ever after? Can there be equality in a relationship where one member initiated said relationship and popped the L-word super fast while the other member is just settling into the idea of being along for this type of ride?

Meanwhile, Ella was feeling quite the opposite. Instead of doubting her own feelings while being pursued, she doubted whether her Prince Charming had any feelings for her. Like Mulan, Ella's crush was a close friend which posed considerable problems. It was near impossible for her to tell whether his actions with regard to her were standard for a friendship of their kind or whether he was subtly venturing into straight-up flirtation. Also complicating the matter was the fact that Ella had it on good authority that a mutual friend of theirs was interested in her. Could this be preventing her crush from making a move? Was she obligated to give up pursuit of her crush so as to not hurt the feelings of the friend that liked her?

Belle was having similar problems with boys. She also had once liked--and if she was being honest, still did like--a friend of hers. However, the situation seemed much too precarious for action. Belle predicted that a happy ending was unlikely and she valued her friendship too much to risk ruining it with awkwardness, and so she analyzed much and did nothing. She was, however, slightly worried that her friend Aurora was interested in this same boy, which would inevitably spell disaster for all parties involved. At the same time, she became distracted by a boy that she worked with. While he didn't seem like her ideal type, he was easy to get along with and he never failed to make her laugh. Once again though, it was quite difficult to know whether he paid this much attention to all girls or whether Belle was special. Should Belle put effort into the pursuit of work boy and forget about her friendcrush who was much more "her type", should she do the opposite, or should she wait it out for someone (or no one) to come to her?

Aurora was at a different point in her life. She was quite satisfied with her lack of angsty-ness at the moment. After being in two serious relationships, she was enjoying the feeling of being "up for grabs". She was at peace with her most recent ex and had no strong feelings for anyone at the moment....but had definite interest in a number of boy-possibilities. It was exhilarating to sit back and wait to be approached by boys, and then have the opportunity to try them out for fun even if she wasn't initially interested in them. Aurora felt as if she had matured eons in the past couple years, and this pleased her greatly. What also pleased her was that she had stepped waaay out of her comfort zone and replied to a cute personal ad on Craigslist. Creepy, maybe, but the ad's author sounded witty and intelligent and had basically described HER in his ad. So Aurora had responded just for kicks. Now they regularly corresponded. Was Aurora ready for another relationship? Could she and Craigslist boy be mtb? Or was it time to relax and be single?

Ariel was another character entirely. Ella liked her quite a bit and thought her to be similar to herself. Belle was also ready to approve of Ariel, but was also somewhat threatened by Ariel's pizzazz and magnetism. However, the primary potential for conflict lay between Ella and Ariel who both liked the same boy (though he certainly had little or no knowledge of either girl's feelings). Ariel, having recently been made aware of Ella's interest in the same boy, worried that pursuit of said boy would result in girl-conflict that was to be avoided at all costs. Ariel was reasonable with regard to boys, and she and Ella were certainly not sorority sister types where "hands off mutual crushes" rules applied, but the ho's over bros mentality still ran deep and prevented her from serious strategizing. Should Ariel back off from her crush or risk her friendship with Ella to pursue him?




*Code names have been replaced with new code names for a double-blind dose of anonymity.



"Paul, what do you think five across is? The clue is "very close" and it is five letters long."
-Me
"Hmmm, what about "having sex at that exact moment"? Whoops, I guess that's too long....I can't work on this crossword anymore. It is just sitting there humiliating me."
-Paul, my late 50's waiter/lawyer homie

Wine and Basketball

That's how I spent tonight. It would have been superb except that the Huskies lost to Arizona. Yes, that would be the team with the guy who got his face stepped on last week. All I have to say is that I think Lute Olson was overrated, and I think U of A fans are in general freaking annoying.

Other than that little bit of excitement, everything is droll. I am thoroughly unsatisfied with the everyday experience of living because I don't have anything to look forward to except the end of the workday. And all that happens then is that I get to go home and eat real food and watch The OC. And as much as Adam Brody lights up my day, its just not cutting it.

On the upside, I absolutely love being depressed and then realizing that life is not really that bad, its just PMS. Then you can actually stop being depressed and help yourself to some chocolate and wine. I know I have mentioned that before, but it bears repeating because there are few other realizations in life that give me as much pleasure. Its like being awfully awfully sick. The kind where you actually would rather be unconscious or dead (possibly). And then when you start feeling better and returning to a neutral state, the lack of pain actually feels euphoric rather than just ordinary. Its all about perspective.





"If I were on one of these basketball teams I would be great at free throws. I would do 300 hundred a week to practice. You would see me walk to the line and just know that there are two points right there. None of this John Brockman stuff. I would be so good at my free throws. I would be like perfect. Every time."
-My mother

The Nanny Diary

This is the most tiring job I have ever had. I always enjoyed babysitting when I was younger, but I had never known what it was like to keep a 4 year-old and a two year-old entertained for nine hours a day. Thats not to say that I don't enjoy any of it. There are definitely moments that make me happy. When the younger one rests his little forehead against mine, or when the older one counted to ten correctly on his own for the first time. But that doesn't erase the mental exhaustion that overcomes me after an entire day of imaginary play with Tigers and ghosts and cars.

Things they say:

"Daddy-o."
-According to those two, that is their father's official name.

"Aah-scream"
-That would be ice cream.

"Your head is not as big as our old babysitter's."
-Flattery or insult?

"Why are you so nice?"
-Hmph. So even toddlers think I am overly congenial. And I don't even let them watch tv.

"Stink-a-boo."
-Code for peek-a-boo."

"Uh-uh."
-Probably. People look at me so oddly when I ask the little guy if he wants a snack and then give it to him after he says "uh-uh".

"You should cut your hair."
-Perceptive buggers.


Jimmy Carter was super fly on The Daily Show last night.

Inauguration

It was amazing. Cold, but people were packed so close that the iciness couldn't really seep in.

It took us over three hours to walk from Union Station to the Washington Monument because the streets were literally more crowded than a mosh pit. But when we did get there it was craziness. People screamed and cheered as soon as they saw anyone remotely favored. Colin Powell, the Clintons, Jimmy Carter, the Bidens and, of course, the Obamas. Bush got looooud boo's and then everyone saying "Na-na-na-na na-na-na-na hey hey hey goodbye." And then again as Bush's helicopter flew him safely away from the Whitehouse. It was like the scene at the end of Dick, only we were all wearing four pairs of pants instead of cute flag bikinis and flares.

And then there was a loooong poem and a rhyming prayer. John Stewart was not exaggerating in the least when he said that the one-two combination of those cleared the mall in about 60 seconds.





"To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West: Know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it."
-President Obama

Favorite Song Lines

"The snow is falling down,
on our New England town."
-Fountains of Wayne

"You'll be doing society a favor.
That sonofabitch is brave and getting braver."
-Bob Dylan

"Well, I'm a standing on a corner in Winslow, Arizona
Such a fine sight to see
It's a girl, my lord, in a flatbed Ford slowing down to take a look at me."
...
"We may lose and we may win,
but we will never be here again."
-The Eagles

"Do you wanna know,
If everything glittering will turn into the gold,
I see in your hair."
-Peter Sallet

"I put quarter water and sold it in bottles for 2 bucks,
And Coca-Cola came and bought it for billions. What the fuck?"
-50

"There's a man with a gun over there,
tellin me I got to beware.
I think its time we stop, children, what's that sound?
Everybody look whats going down."
-Buffalo Springfield

"Back through the system with the riff raff again
Fiends on the floor scratchin again
Paparatzi's with they cameras snappin them
D.A. tried to give the nigga shaft again
Half-a-mil for bail cause I'm African"
-Jay Z

"Her hair is Harlowe gold
Her lips sweet surprise
Her hands are never cold
She's got Bette Davis eyes."
-Various artists including Blondie

"Now Muriel plays piano
Every Friday at the Hollywood
And they brought me down to see her
And they asked me if I would,
Do a little number
And I sang with all my might
And she said "Tell me are you a Christian, child?"
And I said "Ma'am I am tonight"."
-Marc Cohn

T minus 13 hours

I love it when the snow floats up. I mean, I love snow period. But the tiny flakes that are so light that they circle upwards in seemingly no wind are my favorite.

What I don't love is how freaking cold I am going to be tomorrow. Luckily, I will have toe warmers.

Programmed

I am fairly positive that I have been overly empathetic from day 1. And I think that this may be one of my biggest issues. I can remember myself at the age of four doing a rotating sleep arrangement with my many stuffed animals so that they could each have a prime spot on the bed eventually and none of them would have reason to feel left out. Perhaps attributing feelings to inanimate objects suggests bigger problems than an over developed sense of empathy, I don't know.

And one of my most traumatic memories is of me getting lice. I had to stay home for days while my hair was yanked and doused in chemicals, and worst of all, all my stuffed animals were bagged up. My parents said that I could get them back in a year. I thought that the world was ending.

In any case, I think this whole people thinking I am some kind of innocent porcelain doll who is polite to the point of un-funness stems from me being too invested in other people's emotions. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or offend them at all or mess up and have them judge me. And so I am boring. And when someone offends me, I over analyze it to the point where I end up feeling sorry for them and can't get up the nerve to risk hurting their feelings by taking revenge...or even addressing the issue.

And then on the flip side, I sometimes get so fed up with being a wimp and being so constantly overlooked because I am generally nice that I will lash out. I will absolutely blindside someone who is expecting me to act neutrally, and then they end up thinking that I am a bitch.

Basically, I can't win.




Saw Frost/Nixon. It was good I thought, but both mi madre and mi hermanita fell asleep. I could never ever fall asleep in a movie. Maybe at home, but not in the theater. I like living vicariously too much to zone out.

Good Luck Night

A zombie movie that I hadn't seen yet was on tv. I absolutely adore zombie movies. Any and all. Preferably not the ones that are too cheesy and that sacrifice plot for pure gore. I like the Resident Evil movies because they have well-developed plots since they are part of a long series. Also, there is an element of fighting the man in it. On the other hand, in the Resident Evil movies they almost have the zombie-killing down to a science which makes it less riveting. I am more interested in watching normal people have their everyday lives turned upside down by a zombie invasion/infection than watching a superhero-type chick fight off zombie-monster clones with her crazy ninja skills.

The movie I watched tonight was called Diary of the Dead, and it was okay. It was a little too Blair Witch in some ways (teens who get in petty fights while they simultaneously film the fear-filled journey to their deaths). But I had butterflies in my stomach the whole time, so clearly something about it was good. I wish that their were more zombie movies set in cities though. Its always in a small town or something like that. I want to see the city version...like Cloverfield except with zombies and without people filming themselves BW style which is freaking annoying. And also without the lame, cop-out closure-less ending that Cloverfield had.

Also lovely was that I talked to Josh tonight. Even just talking to him is more fun than fully hanging out with most other people. He makes everything exciting. Except its a little bit frustrating because I have wanted to be a main part of his life for so so long. And then I finally was. I finally got to be on the inside and I got to have the right to his attention and to know what he was doing and thinking and feeling. And now, I'm not. I'm back on the outside looking in. And I can still ask him about his life and everything. But I am completely at his mercy. If he wants to shut me out or not tell me anything or go have crazy sex with people I hate there is nothing at all that I can do about it. And furthermore, if that happened I wouldn't even have the right to be upset about it in the least. Because I am on the outside.

Not that he is actually doing any of those things. Its just that my head is a worst-scenario kind of place.

Anyway, the point is not that I am paranoid and jealous. The point is that I like that I can still be somewhat involved in his life. And I like that he still cares, and that he likes it when I call, and that when I'm talking to him I don't feel like we are strangers or anything terrifying like that. It feels like everything is going to be okay.


And it is.