An Open Letter to Bank Tellers:

Don't look at me with your snide judgment when I come in to make a deposit. I should be the one making you feel bad instead of the other way around because I sure as hell would make a deposit using an ATM in the freezing snow if it would allow me to avoid contact with snooty, boring, shoulder-padded jackasses such as yourself. Basically everybody who utilizes banks would rather converse with a machine instead of a teller. Soon, you will be obsolete.

And just because I make huge deposits of cash in small bills it does not give you the right to look at me strangely or wonder what I do for a living. The only reason I let money pile up like that in the box on my dresser is because I HATE going to the bank because of YOU. And being a waitress is hardly worse than being a bank teller. Waitressing is often temporary (as in my case) and even when it isn't it usually pays higher than your hourly salary. But I am sure you are just too bourgeois to involve yourself in a job where you are paid in cash. Besides, people like you could NEVER survive in positions where you actually have to be warm and friendly to customers in order to get paid. No, you opt for the cold frigid bitch approach. Well fine. The dry crusty look coordinates well with your expensive but somehow still dry and crusty clothes.

And one day when I am running around fighting the man as some sort of attorney I will receive my paycheck through direct deposit and I will never have to even look at you again. Then again, by that time even waiters will be able to use direct deposit, automated deposit machines, etc. and you will be out of a job.

Damn. I guess if I did any sort of public law work for the unemployment office like Sandra Bullock does in Two Weeks Notice I would actually have to interact with you again. Whoops, well then I will have to go corporate and do pro bono. That's right I would change my career path to avoid contact with your sorry asinine selves.

Sincerely,
The Girl With a Thousand in Cash