I have a theory that you can pinpoint some of guys' biggest flaws by analyzing their past girlfriends and their girlfriends' flaws. Perhaps because of previous training, perhaps because of what they are drawn to. I don't know if this theory applies to girls because I am way too impartial for analysis of any girl I know well enough to apply it to. If that makes sense.
Case #1: Jess* is a guy who is shiny-perfect on the outside. Not that he is a mess on the inside...he's just flawed like everyone else. His most prominent ex is a flagrant bitch. She's hottt (yes, with three t's) but she's also the mean-girl type who will screw over anyone to get her guy--or more importantly, to get what she wants out of a guy--and who is horribly over-sexed to the point of whorish. She cheats on her boyfriends, fakes sweetness, sucks up to the relatives of any of her targets and considers all other girls to be competition.
So what does this tell us about Jess? Obviously he was willing to overlook serious personality issues in return for beauty and...sex? I don't know what else. Definitely not brains. He liked a straight-up ho so he will expect a freak in the sheets complete with waxing and all that. He didn't mind that she had no sense of girl-loyalty so he too will lack adherence to the bros over ho's mantra. She cheated and he knew about it and stayed with her so he will likely have a roving eye to balance her out. At the same time he deep down will expect betrayal and will respond with extreme possessiveness. Will consider outside appearances to be extremely important. Check, check, check, check. I should have taken one look at his ex and turned him down initially.
Case # 2:
Luke dated a seriously messed up Hot Topic high school princess. In terms of looks she wasn't of the "Not My Goodies" school of thought...more like, "Welcome to the Candy Shop". A fan of the make-up, but also witty, deep and wise, which goes a long way in canceling out any superficialness minus points. Also quirky and fun, which is another gold star. But a cheater in the end.
There is a lot of info there, but the main flaws (according to me) are...
-Hot Topic
-A slight bent towards hoochiness
-Head case
-Cheater
My theory would lead us to expect that Luke is not necessarily uber suave in terms of dress or taste (whatever that elusive term means). Not that he can't step it up on occasion, just that he will not pop the collar on a daily basis while dining at Wild Ginger. Secretly likes drama. Also secretly likes the idea of taking care of the weaker sex like a real man should...including straightening out any mental issues. Which means, possibly controlling at times. Combined with attraction to hoochiness+dating a girl that eventually cheated=probably extremely possessive.
And again, Luke does seem to meet all of these expected criteria.
Case #3:
Dean's ex was a complete crybaby. She didn't fit in with most other girls. Not because they didn't give her a chance, but because she didn't take it. She whined like a motherfucking tea kettle and was seriously emo. Unwilling to work hard and not the sharpest tool in the shed either. Moderately nice looking.
Dean, then, we would expect to have a high tolerance for babyishness and dullness. Which means that he is probably not the most mature, and is likely lacking in mental capacity. Ability to take constant whining=desperate....not enough experience or high enough standards. The fact that his ex was lazy like the crypt and he didn't mind enough for it to be a deal breaker probably means that he is not necessarily motivated or going places.
Yup, that's Dean to a T.
Case #4:
Logan went for a beauty queen three years younger than himself. And I do mean ACTUAL beauty queen. She was against all odds, sharp as shit and very motivated. Certainly first lady material. First lady as in Jackie O or Hilary (read: has a life/style/career of her own to distinguish herself from her husband and take her beyond her first lady role). But she was also a sorority girl. Dressed like a flight attendant and had a super bourgeois air.
Thus, Logan should be a frat boy at heart. The motivated type, yes. But the type that wants a trophy wife that can serve as an actual First Lady if need be. Attracted to flight attendant outfits=he envisions himself as a Ken to her Barbie. Way too cocky, and a little superficial. Cradle robbing=probably controlling. Handpicked a girlfriend where the relationship playing field will never be level (in the near future) because of the age difference...this means not only controlling, but insecure about his ability to control things when the scale is not rigged in his favor. Insecurities in ridiculously cocky boys are dangerous things.
My analysis is sort of bullshit, but I like doing critical bios of other people so it isn't really a loss. The point is mainly that I think my theory is ace, and I will use it to screen boys from now on.
Not like I have a lot of screening to do at the moment.... but you know I could use my new expertise to help the five aforementioned Disney sex goddesses.
*Let us use Gilmore Girls' guy characters as code names.
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