Shake it Up

But not in a Cars way. This is in a bad way. As in I can't shake the feeling that something is going on with Josh. He hasn't emailed in a long time (for us) and I don't know what is going on. I feel like there is a 33.3% chance that he is mad at me, a 33.3% chance that he is just too busy or didn't have enough airtime to email, and a 33.3% chance that an ex is distracting him. I am most worried about the latter, because I think that even if he has had contact with an ex recently, he won't tell me about it, because he thinks that I will freak out even if it isn't bad. I won't freak out, I just want to know whats going on so that I don't have to be paranoid that something bad is actually going on.

I feel so alone in Baltimore. Things are not exactly going well with my family. And I have nobody else here but them. Everyone else that I know is oh so far away from the pit of humidity that is this city.

Its no wonder that I am so into tv shows these days. Watching the characters in shows has become my replacement for actual interaction with friends. I know that that level of dependency on vicarious living is sad. But at least I am not in denial about it.

Plus I am realizing that I am much more able to survive independently than I thought. I haven't been having any sort of trouble living here alone...even when my family is mad at me. Yes, it makes me sad, and inspires the whole tv characters playing the role of friends debacle, but I am really quite fine. It doesn't take effort for me to survive in Baltimore like it used to. I used to count down the days until I got to go back to Seattle. I counted down a whole summer's worth of days one by one. Maybe I am not doing that now since I know that I can't go back to Seattle any time soon. But still. Its progress. I count in months now.