The Worst

I thought losing my best friend was hard, but this is harder. I understand that she can't control how she feels and that it isn't her fault but I wonder if she knows how much this is hurting the rest of us. No parent should have to wake up in the morning and wonder if this is the last day they will have with their child. I am really really good at denial and making myself not feel, but it's hard for me to stay that way when I see how badly my parents are doing. And after seeing them so justifiably concerned that the worst might happen, how can I sleep at night without wondering if when I go back to school that will be the last time I ever see her?

I feel like we are all trying really hard to smile and shop and eat and have fun and all the while we are slowly freezing to death. All of us. Because if she goes, I don't know how the rest of us will survive.