Grey's Anatomy blah blah blah

I love Grey's Anatomy. A lot of shows make me feel bad about my life because the shows are so picture perfect that I feel unfulfilled when I turn off the tv. But everyone in Grey's Anatomy is dark and twisty, so when good things happen to them, it gives me hope instead of giving me something to live up to.

And Izzy is exactly me, which I like because I feel like if good things happen to her, they can happen to me probably eventually. I am not blond and gorgeous, of course. But I am so exactly like her that it is funny. Even Chloe saw it.

I realized my main problem regarding boys. When I like someone, it isn't an afterthought it is a biiig deal, and it almost consumes me. That's not what I try to do, it's just what happens. It's more exciting I think than when most people get a crush on someone, but it's also more dramatic in a bad way. And then when I look at whoever I like I can't see anything but the good about them. If they're not that cute, I don't notice. If they are too emo, I call them in touch with their feelings. And if they make me sad too often, I get mad at them, but I blame myself. And then, once I have spent a lot a lot of time with them, I start seeing the flaws that I overlooked before and it shocks me and I wonder who the hell they are, because what I see now is not what I signed up for. In retrospect all the guys I've liked slash gone out with have been really amazing guys. I still heart them in the yearbook sense and respect them. A lot of them do not mesh well with me, but it was my fault for putting them on a pedestal and then starting to hate them.

The only boy that I have never had that sort of crash and burn reality check with is someone who I don't even know if I liked like that. He's a friend and I think that I love him (in the sense that I love all my friends, not luvvy duvvy sense) so much that I get confused and think that if I care that much about a boy, I must want him like that. Anyway, it's a very Izzy conundrum that doesn't matter because I left Sea-town. But with this kid, I know him pretty well, and I don't see the bright and shiny him. I see the regular him, who I sometimes don't agree with, who isn't really hot, who is sometimes awkward. But I'm okay with all that and a lot of those things I appreciate about him. I wonder if I had stayed longer, if I ever really would have had feelings for him.

In any case, he's pretty ace and I hope we stay friends for a long time.

Mi padre got back from the motherland today. And given what he told me, I think there is hope that the family drama is over. Of course, now everyone is grown up, so I guess it's pretty much too late for anyone to really benefit from it. C'est la vie.



"I hoarded four Ceres juiceboxes from the flight attendents by hiding them in the lunch box they gave me and now they are in the fridge."
-my deviant father