I swear to God I saw Napoleon Dynamite sitting in the quad, picking his nose as I came out of game theory this morning.
I liked today. I'm the kind of extrovert that actually dies a little inside when I'm not around people enough on any given day. It's like I actually need to soak up the energy from other people. And if there's anything that a 4-hour block of class does for you, its that. It's not that I actually interact with/like most of the people in my classes though. This quarter, it seems like God decided to push me to my absolute limit by filling most of my classes with brownnosing dimwits that ask questions every other minute, to the point where I know that even the professor is annoyed. I may have been one of those nerdy kids who started college early, but I have NEVER been one of those hand-permanently-in-the-air whiners. What...you thought this was supposed to be a Socratic education? Well, then the professor should actually have a chance to slip in a word or two between your constant yapping.
I am SO offended.
And in other news, I encountered something so apopletically dorky today that I had to refresh the webpage to make sure that I wasn't high or hallucinating. On dictionary.com, you can't just click the little microphone icon to hear a pronunciation of a word. You have to be a subscribing member to get those kind benefits. It will just advise you to pay for premium service where *gasp!* you can get ad-free access to more that 60,000 audio pronunciations. Puh-lease. I'd rather pay for B-Hawk's tranny porn. And I will never reveal what word I was looking up. That is a secret that I will take to the grave. You will have to guess at what it might be whenever you hear me mispronounce anything. It's a rare phenomenon, however, so actually just don't worry about it.
I'm feeling all sparkly still from this morning's sunshine, which is remarkable considering that I spent all of my 11:30-9:30 hours doing things that I didn't want to do. As in waking up, going to class, going to work, and doing coding for my thesis. But, since I impressed myself with that marathon-sized block of concentration, I sat on my perky butt for the rest of the evening. [Perky butt is a reference for p-dizzle, if she reads this entry, and nothing more. If anyone else is reading this, don't even worry about it. I will stick you with my shiv if I ever see your eyes drop down to butt-level, because I am NOT fond of boys right now. I will throw rocks at you. Unless you are a girl or a gay, in which case I probably don't mind.]
I don't feel at all guilty for my vegging, however, because I think I am getting sick. So I have been downing tea all evening as well. I'm actually just off to use up my third tea bag from South Africa. Did you know that they make tea over there? Well, it is delicious. And I plan on finishing off half the package tonight.
I'm also quite happy, because I looked like I like to look today. I realize that most people probably look however they want every day. I, on the other hand, often give into other peope's suggestions that I wear my hair down, or at least half-down. And that I wear earrings, and professional-looking clothes/shoes for my job, blah blah blah. Well, fuck you. Because I only like wearing my hair in a ponytail. And I like necklaces with black cords. And I like converse more than flats. And I think that earrings make me look different in a way that I'd prefer not to.
Argh! Someone in this house is a dirty whore and I hate them. It's probably the Jewish one. WhoEVER it is, they need to learn that the correct way to turn off the christmas lights is to unplug them, not flip off the whole fucking power strip! So I have to go ALL the way downstairs and turn the powerstrip back on and then unplug the lights that they left in. Whatever. It's fine for now, but the next time he halks a lughee into our sink just because he's fucking Samantha so he thinks he can use the upstairs bathroom, I am going to confront him, and then yell at him about constantly disconnecting the internet too.
Just to clarify, I'm not being derogatory to Jews. I say it's probably him because he was the last one in the living room. Besides, I don't know if it even counts as being derogatory to Jews if the person you're bitching about is less than a quarter Jewish, is the only practicing Jew in his family, and is by most people's analysis in it for the free alchohol and shabat naps. I will give him some credit, however, he does the "Jewish thing" every single Saturday and makes us turn on and off lights for him and everything. And, just yesterday he told me very seriously that he thinks its probable that Jesus had children, but that it doesn't matter anyway because Jesus is not divine. Snaps for following religious doctine and everything, but really all I want is for every day to be a Saturday for him so that he can't TURN OFF THE FUCKING INTERNET!
Don't be confused. I'm mostly joking. I love all my roommies, and it actually makes me happy to rant indignantly.
"Yeeeeeah. Can you feel it baby? I can too."
-Good Vibrations, by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch
Someone showed this to me recently, and I actually love it more than life. Go see it, and while you watch it you should probably lick your lips along with Mr. Whalberg: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnzgNAzquCw
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Monday, March 5, 2007
Sunday Night Live
It appears that I am on my way to a recovery. For future notice, here is my feel better recipe:
1) An upset--in basketball that is.
2) Wine+funny Mitch+slightly tipsy B-hawk
3) Realizing that I am not broke and do not have herpes...snaps for avoiding poverty and STD's!
4) The Senate--I've never heard happier, sweeter music, and more intense (at times) music in my life
5) Party planning--Save Darfur partay next quarter. Theme=70's...anything from disco to hippie to mod. I love that the best parties I've been at this year have been at my own house. I think most other people agree too. Seriously. We throw kick ass parties.
6) Tucker Max
And that is that.
I was realizing, though, that I am not that unique in my beliefs. Specifically, most of my opinions on big issues come from my parents. Is this a sign that I have not adequately thought things through and am just following the family bandwagon? I hope not.
My parents both hugely deviated from their families in terms of their political leanings and their tendency toward feminism. My dad moved to the US, so obviously the politics he developed opinions on were new to him, but my mom came from a staunch conservative background and did a complete 180. And somewhere in there, both of them developed these hyphenate-your-name, don't-shave-your-legs feminist viewpoints. The fact that they came to these conclusions pretty much of their own accord (like a lot of people I know and consider horribly smart) impresses me, because they must have thought so much more about what they believed and must really be committed to it.
I, on the other hand, fall neatly in line with my parents' said political opinions. I am liberal, fairly feminist (although I shave my legs, which my father views as a small failure at life...pshaw, I may be selling out, but he would too if he had gone to my middle school), a pacifist, and I don't do the flag salute. The only part of me that does not come directly from my upbringing is my acceptance of most Da Vinci Code-esque claims, and my resolute belief that homosexuality is not a sin (my parents aren't from the Dark Ages, and they do believe in completely equal rights under the laaw for homosexual couples, they are just literal-perhaps overly so-about the Bible...don't worry, they believe in evolution and everything!). This makes me slightly worried....I want to know that I would still come to my visciously liberal opinions all on my own. I'm actually not that worried that I'm right, just that I would have the intelligence to get there without the help of my parental unit.
Did you know that my father was once investigated by the FBI? Because he's South African, and there was an uprising going on when he came to the States. About this thing called apartheid, I don't know if you've heard about it. [insert sarcasm here]
Anyway, isn't that deliciously silly? Wait until they hear that he taught me to not salute the flag...shock and awe, they will send him right back to SA, and I will go too and get a brilliant tan.
I wonder if the reason that I feel so much more connected to South Africa than my sister is that I look more like my dad, and people treat me different because they recognize me as non-apple pie american. Tess actually looks light enough be the Olsen twins' little sister. But, it also could be that I am just more attached to family than her. Cancers (me) are supposedly more attached to family, and Scorpios (her) not in such exorbitant amounts. It's interesting, because I was reading that Scorpios are also supposed to be able to withstand pain more at a young age, and that was very true of her. I remember her splitting her chin on the tub at the age of two and not even crying...not even while they gave her stitches. And then, about year later, she stuck a sticker of Jesus right up her nose and had to go to the hospital to get it out. She said "But, mommy, I just wanted Jesus inside of me." Little shitter. Of course my mother couldn't blame her after that bit of adorable-ness, so she blamed me instead, because I gave her the sticker. Ohhh, I love that kid. I can't wait to see her at Spring Break when we go to the SOUTH!!!! I am very excited at the prospect of seeing plantations and shit. And, first, we are stopping off in Lynchburg, VA. Does anyone else think its amusing that Jerry Fallwell's university (Liberty University) is in a town called Lynchburg? In my opinion, that connection is right up there along with Strom Thurmond's familia owning Al Sharpton's great grandfather. Scandalous.
"It's important to remember that feminism is no longer a group of organizations or leaders. It's the expectations that parents have for their daughters, and their sons, too."
-Anna Quindlen
1) An upset--in basketball that is.
2) Wine+funny Mitch+slightly tipsy B-hawk
3) Realizing that I am not broke and do not have herpes...snaps for avoiding poverty and STD's!
4) The Senate--I've never heard happier, sweeter music, and more intense (at times) music in my life
5) Party planning--Save Darfur partay next quarter. Theme=70's...anything from disco to hippie to mod. I love that the best parties I've been at this year have been at my own house. I think most other people agree too. Seriously. We throw kick ass parties.
6) Tucker Max
And that is that.
I was realizing, though, that I am not that unique in my beliefs. Specifically, most of my opinions on big issues come from my parents. Is this a sign that I have not adequately thought things through and am just following the family bandwagon? I hope not.
My parents both hugely deviated from their families in terms of their political leanings and their tendency toward feminism. My dad moved to the US, so obviously the politics he developed opinions on were new to him, but my mom came from a staunch conservative background and did a complete 180. And somewhere in there, both of them developed these hyphenate-your-name, don't-shave-your-legs feminist viewpoints. The fact that they came to these conclusions pretty much of their own accord (like a lot of people I know and consider horribly smart) impresses me, because they must have thought so much more about what they believed and must really be committed to it.
I, on the other hand, fall neatly in line with my parents' said political opinions. I am liberal, fairly feminist (although I shave my legs, which my father views as a small failure at life...pshaw, I may be selling out, but he would too if he had gone to my middle school), a pacifist, and I don't do the flag salute. The only part of me that does not come directly from my upbringing is my acceptance of most Da Vinci Code-esque claims, and my resolute belief that homosexuality is not a sin (my parents aren't from the Dark Ages, and they do believe in completely equal rights under the laaw for homosexual couples, they are just literal-perhaps overly so-about the Bible...don't worry, they believe in evolution and everything!). This makes me slightly worried....I want to know that I would still come to my visciously liberal opinions all on my own. I'm actually not that worried that I'm right, just that I would have the intelligence to get there without the help of my parental unit.
Did you know that my father was once investigated by the FBI? Because he's South African, and there was an uprising going on when he came to the States. About this thing called apartheid, I don't know if you've heard about it. [insert sarcasm here]
Anyway, isn't that deliciously silly? Wait until they hear that he taught me to not salute the flag...shock and awe, they will send him right back to SA, and I will go too and get a brilliant tan.
I wonder if the reason that I feel so much more connected to South Africa than my sister is that I look more like my dad, and people treat me different because they recognize me as non-apple pie american. Tess actually looks light enough be the Olsen twins' little sister. But, it also could be that I am just more attached to family than her. Cancers (me) are supposedly more attached to family, and Scorpios (her) not in such exorbitant amounts. It's interesting, because I was reading that Scorpios are also supposed to be able to withstand pain more at a young age, and that was very true of her. I remember her splitting her chin on the tub at the age of two and not even crying...not even while they gave her stitches. And then, about year later, she stuck a sticker of Jesus right up her nose and had to go to the hospital to get it out. She said "But, mommy, I just wanted Jesus inside of me." Little shitter. Of course my mother couldn't blame her after that bit of adorable-ness, so she blamed me instead, because I gave her the sticker. Ohhh, I love that kid. I can't wait to see her at Spring Break when we go to the SOUTH!!!! I am very excited at the prospect of seeing plantations and shit. And, first, we are stopping off in Lynchburg, VA. Does anyone else think its amusing that Jerry Fallwell's university (Liberty University) is in a town called Lynchburg? In my opinion, that connection is right up there along with Strom Thurmond's familia owning Al Sharpton's great grandfather. Scandalous.
"It's important to remember that feminism is no longer a group of organizations or leaders. It's the expectations that parents have for their daughters, and their sons, too."
-Anna Quindlen
Saturday, March 3, 2007
LFO stands for Light Funky Ones
If I were a piece of punctuation, I would be an ellipsis. Hands down. I overuse them even moreso than commas.
I am frustratingly indecisive, perhaps longwinded, I don't like letting subjects go without a little more description and discussion, and I think that there is always more to be shared and analyzed on any subject. This is somewhat ironic, because the typical intended use of an elipsis is to omit something from text. I do not, however, like leaving anything hanging, and this is why I cannot even remember the last time I used an ellipsis at the very end of a sentence. That would lack closure, which I cannot stand. (Titles don't count, because they are beginnings not ends of anything).
I have several feelings that I despise more than anything in the world. If I were to rank them, I think cramps would be the worst. The time I first got the really abnormally horrible kind, I actually thought that I was dying. And then they became regular and I started passing out from pain. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but Thank God that stopped because it was almost too much to bear, and it is THE reason that I am terrified of ever giving birth. Running a close second is the feeling I get after not having drank enough liquid. There are days when I am getting ready for bed and realize that the most I had to drink all day was one sip of water. This is probably why nobody else I've talked to about it has ever experienced the weird pain I get after not drinking. Because everyone else is not dumb and has no problem ingesting liquid. And third for worst feelings, is feeling like I am not good enough. I simply despise it. I don't mind not being interesting or charasmatic or good looking enough on my own, but when someone else is better than me in any/all categories and EVERYONE seems to prefer them to me, it makes me depressed.
I saw Zodiac tonight, and it was oddly unsettling. The only movie that has ever left me feeling scared afterwards is The Ring, which terrified me to the point where I could not sleep for literally days. Nothing else affected me though. Silence of the Lamps? Piece of cake...even in a cabin in the middle of the woods. Zombies and horror movies? Completely fine. Given all this, I have no idea, why this movie still seemed haunting to me after getting home. Maybe because it was based on a real story. I'm over it now, but earlier tonight I was still weirded out. Sooo good, though. I highly recommend it. Seeing Mark Ruffallo, Jake Gyllenhall, and Robert Downey Jr. all together is reason enough, but it was also satisfyingly gripping (I remember at one point actually trying to tell Jake out loud to "leave at once, in fact, jump right out that window." Chloe and Emma appreciated it, at least.), as well as complex and very well-acted.
Having seen the movie will probably do me a lot of good, besides mere entertainment value, because for the first time I have decided that perhaps it is a poor choice to go gallavanting around alone at night. I don't do it a lot, it's just that I like to run late late at night, and I don't like to run with other people generally. I always told my roommate last year that I would probably be able to outrun an attacker, and otherwise would kick them in the crotch. This was before she tried to call the police on me one night after I apparently stayed out on my run too long. Anyway, though, I will think twice before I run alone again, because you never know who might randomly be out to knife me.
Chloe and I are such dorks, though. At the movie theater we decided that it would be really smart to get some toilet paper to take home since we have none and anticipated needing to go to the bathroom sometime tonight. We are enormously cheep. But savvy.
"There is nothing quite so terrible as evil masquerading as virtue."
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer
I am frustratingly indecisive, perhaps longwinded, I don't like letting subjects go without a little more description and discussion, and I think that there is always more to be shared and analyzed on any subject. This is somewhat ironic, because the typical intended use of an elipsis is to omit something from text. I do not, however, like leaving anything hanging, and this is why I cannot even remember the last time I used an ellipsis at the very end of a sentence. That would lack closure, which I cannot stand. (Titles don't count, because they are beginnings not ends of anything).
I have several feelings that I despise more than anything in the world. If I were to rank them, I think cramps would be the worst. The time I first got the really abnormally horrible kind, I actually thought that I was dying. And then they became regular and I started passing out from pain. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but Thank God that stopped because it was almost too much to bear, and it is THE reason that I am terrified of ever giving birth. Running a close second is the feeling I get after not having drank enough liquid. There are days when I am getting ready for bed and realize that the most I had to drink all day was one sip of water. This is probably why nobody else I've talked to about it has ever experienced the weird pain I get after not drinking. Because everyone else is not dumb and has no problem ingesting liquid. And third for worst feelings, is feeling like I am not good enough. I simply despise it. I don't mind not being interesting or charasmatic or good looking enough on my own, but when someone else is better than me in any/all categories and EVERYONE seems to prefer them to me, it makes me depressed.
I saw Zodiac tonight, and it was oddly unsettling. The only movie that has ever left me feeling scared afterwards is The Ring, which terrified me to the point where I could not sleep for literally days. Nothing else affected me though. Silence of the Lamps? Piece of cake...even in a cabin in the middle of the woods. Zombies and horror movies? Completely fine. Given all this, I have no idea, why this movie still seemed haunting to me after getting home. Maybe because it was based on a real story. I'm over it now, but earlier tonight I was still weirded out. Sooo good, though. I highly recommend it. Seeing Mark Ruffallo, Jake Gyllenhall, and Robert Downey Jr. all together is reason enough, but it was also satisfyingly gripping (I remember at one point actually trying to tell Jake out loud to "leave at once, in fact, jump right out that window." Chloe and Emma appreciated it, at least.), as well as complex and very well-acted.
Having seen the movie will probably do me a lot of good, besides mere entertainment value, because for the first time I have decided that perhaps it is a poor choice to go gallavanting around alone at night. I don't do it a lot, it's just that I like to run late late at night, and I don't like to run with other people generally. I always told my roommate last year that I would probably be able to outrun an attacker, and otherwise would kick them in the crotch. This was before she tried to call the police on me one night after I apparently stayed out on my run too long. Anyway, though, I will think twice before I run alone again, because you never know who might randomly be out to knife me.
Chloe and I are such dorks, though. At the movie theater we decided that it would be really smart to get some toilet paper to take home since we have none and anticipated needing to go to the bathroom sometime tonight. We are enormously cheep. But savvy.
"There is nothing quite so terrible as evil masquerading as virtue."
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
"She's afraid she isn't pretty enough, she isn't smart enough, she isn't young enough or she isn't old enough."
Look at this!
http://mizian.com.ne.kr/englishwiz/library/names/zodiac/cancer.htm
Yes, there are typos on the webpage, but the entire description is eerily resonating.
My favorite parts:
"It's brutally unfair to toy with the heart of this girl..."
It's true.
"It's hard to know when she'll suddenly become vulnerable to hidden meanings. You could waltz in some night and say, "Your hair looks gorgeous," and she'll get a tear in her eye. Why? Because you insinuated her hair looked frightful the last time you saw her. Cancer women can be quite touchy."
Of course. This happens to me a lot, especially concerning hair.
"She hates to be criticized, she is deeply wounded by ridicule, and she just can't stand being rejected. One, two, three. They're basics. Seldom openly aggressive, the typical Cancerian hesitates. You'll have to make the first move. If she moves anywhere at all, it will be backwards or side–ways. With her basically shy nature and fear that she won't be accepted."
"Everything has a sentimental value, in–cluding canceled checks from 1952 and her old Girl Scout badges. She treasures the things she owns and guards them jealously. That, of course, includes you. She's not so much jealous as possessive. There's a shade of difference."
I'll even save name tags if they're from semi-special events.
"The desire to be a little spoiled by loved ones seems to be buried deep in the Cancerian nature. She needs desperately to know you can't live with–out her. and sometimes shell go to great lengths to arouse your pity and protective instincts, just to be assured she means a lot to you. It's really very little for her to ask, when she gives so much in return. But don't be fooled by her weakness during these episodes. That helpless little baby who seeks your big, strong arms to keep out the cold, cruel world is perfectly able to manage by herself, if she must."
And I HATE being treated like I can't manage on my own.
"There's no end to the heroic sacrifice a Cancer woman will be capable of for those she loves. The bravery she can't seem to muster for herself and her own fears is there shining when someone close needs her to be strong."
Unless I decided to not visit you when you're dying....whoops. Actually, I have come to terms with this, and I genuinely think that in a way, that was my way of being strong for her. To stay as close as we had always been would have killed me, and if I acted like something devastating was actually happening, it may have killed her faster. Seriously. I told her for a year that she would most definitely get better, and definitely would not die. It turns out that I was WRONG. But, if I hadn't told her that, and had acted like she might leave at any moment, I would have been more "there for her" as she died, but I don't think it would have been better at all.
"One of the dearest Cancerian women I ever knew was born in Europe, and when she was ill, she would sing every word of the Russian lullabies she had heard as a child, even though she came to America almost half a century ago. Most of us would be lucky if we remembered the tune or words to "Rockabye Baby."
Yuuuup. I can sing every song my parents sung to me when I was little. Including ones that they made up, and ones in mixes of African languages.
"She can be afraid to go to sleep in the dark without a soft night light, afraid of fire and matches, afraid of fast cars and loud noises."
I used to be so terrified at night that I would like perfectly still with my blankets pulled over my head so that nothing could see me. And did this thing that I called duc breathing where I would hardly breathe so that my chest wouldn't rise and fall. I think I didn't actually fall asleep, I eventually just passed out from lack of oxygen every night.
"Baby beluga in the deep blue sea. He swims so wild and he swims so free. He's got heaven above and the sea below. He's just a little white whale on the go."
-Raffi
"Nkosi sikelel' iAfrika
Maluphakanyisw' uphondo lwayo,
Yizwa imithandazo yethu,
Nkosi sikelela, thina lusapho lwayo.
Morena boloka setjhaba sa heso,
O fedise dintwa la matshwenyeho,
O se boloke, O se boloke setjhaba sa heso,
Setjhaba sa South Afrika - South Afrika."
http://mizian.com.ne.kr/englishwiz/library/names/zodiac/cancer.htm
Yes, there are typos on the webpage, but the entire description is eerily resonating.
My favorite parts:
"It's brutally unfair to toy with the heart of this girl..."
It's true.
"It's hard to know when she'll suddenly become vulnerable to hidden meanings. You could waltz in some night and say, "Your hair looks gorgeous," and she'll get a tear in her eye. Why? Because you insinuated her hair looked frightful the last time you saw her. Cancer women can be quite touchy."
Of course. This happens to me a lot, especially concerning hair.
"She hates to be criticized, she is deeply wounded by ridicule, and she just can't stand being rejected. One, two, three. They're basics. Seldom openly aggressive, the typical Cancerian hesitates. You'll have to make the first move. If she moves anywhere at all, it will be backwards or side–ways. With her basically shy nature and fear that she won't be accepted."
"Everything has a sentimental value, in–cluding canceled checks from 1952 and her old Girl Scout badges. She treasures the things she owns and guards them jealously. That, of course, includes you. She's not so much jealous as possessive. There's a shade of difference."
I'll even save name tags if they're from semi-special events.
"The desire to be a little spoiled by loved ones seems to be buried deep in the Cancerian nature. She needs desperately to know you can't live with–out her. and sometimes shell go to great lengths to arouse your pity and protective instincts, just to be assured she means a lot to you. It's really very little for her to ask, when she gives so much in return. But don't be fooled by her weakness during these episodes. That helpless little baby who seeks your big, strong arms to keep out the cold, cruel world is perfectly able to manage by herself, if she must."
And I HATE being treated like I can't manage on my own.
"There's no end to the heroic sacrifice a Cancer woman will be capable of for those she loves. The bravery she can't seem to muster for herself and her own fears is there shining when someone close needs her to be strong."
Unless I decided to not visit you when you're dying....whoops. Actually, I have come to terms with this, and I genuinely think that in a way, that was my way of being strong for her. To stay as close as we had always been would have killed me, and if I acted like something devastating was actually happening, it may have killed her faster. Seriously. I told her for a year that she would most definitely get better, and definitely would not die. It turns out that I was WRONG. But, if I hadn't told her that, and had acted like she might leave at any moment, I would have been more "there for her" as she died, but I don't think it would have been better at all.
"One of the dearest Cancerian women I ever knew was born in Europe, and when she was ill, she would sing every word of the Russian lullabies she had heard as a child, even though she came to America almost half a century ago. Most of us would be lucky if we remembered the tune or words to "Rockabye Baby."
Yuuuup. I can sing every song my parents sung to me when I was little. Including ones that they made up, and ones in mixes of African languages.
"She can be afraid to go to sleep in the dark without a soft night light, afraid of fire and matches, afraid of fast cars and loud noises."
I used to be so terrified at night that I would like perfectly still with my blankets pulled over my head so that nothing could see me. And did this thing that I called duc breathing where I would hardly breathe so that my chest wouldn't rise and fall. I think I didn't actually fall asleep, I eventually just passed out from lack of oxygen every night.
"Baby beluga in the deep blue sea. He swims so wild and he swims so free. He's got heaven above and the sea below. He's just a little white whale on the go."
-Raffi
"Nkosi sikelel' iAfrika
Maluphakanyisw' uphondo lwayo,
Yizwa imithandazo yethu,
Nkosi sikelela, thina lusapho lwayo.
Morena boloka setjhaba sa heso,
O fedise dintwa la matshwenyeho,
O se boloke, O se boloke setjhaba sa heso,
Setjhaba sa South Afrika - South Afrika."
Monday, February 26, 2007
I am more emo than Savage Garden
My back pain is back with a vengeance. I don't even know what brought it on. I didn't move or twist weirdly at all today, but by the time I was washing my face tonight, I couldn't even bend over the sink. I had to stand almost upright and I proceeded to splash water all down my clothes. I wonder if this is what it is like to be old and deteriorating like John McCain. Why is my life so difficult? ....I have asked that in my head this week so many more times than I can even count.
It's funny, though. Sometimes, the person who can best comfort myself is me. Like when I had to pull an all-nighter in Odegaard for that group paper in polisci, and then I got sick and threw up in the bathroom at 5 am, when I still had 5 pages left to write. Everybody tried to make me feel better, and Samantha taught me how to snort water to make my nose/throat stop stinging, but the thing that comforted me the most was the subject lines I used when I was e-mailing the updated versions of the paper back to myself. They were all titled completely dorky things like "I love you, babe," and "I love sex and starbursts". My little messages to myself were the primary reason I stayed upright and typing until 9 am.
Also, when I used to get really really sad (before Olive died, because now I have somehow lost the ability to get as upset), and I couldn't go to anyone else for help, either because it was late at night, or I was upset about something that I couldn't tell the people around me, then I used to sing myself my song. It was a song that I had written way back in middle school when my friends and I were at the height of our brooding intorspective phase. And we all decided to write our own song. Supremely dorky once again, but when I got uncontrollably upset, that song was one of the only ways I knew to feel better.
I think it's because when you use something that you have written to yourself or done in the past to feel better, it's like you are actively comforting someone else, even though that someone is yourself. There's something about exerting emotion for other people that automatically makes you feel better. Like the way that when a friend is having a hard time, you can immediately forget whatever petty nonsense was making you upset and go talk to them. And so I fake myself out by pretending to be helping somone who needs me.
I don't actually know what I am going on about. Or rather, I know, but I don't know why I am bothering to write it down even when I can't explain it fully, and when it doesn't really matter. At least it isn't insulting to anybody....which is an improvement, I suppose.
Alternately, when you are upset (because you might not have written your own song in middle school or feel comfortable writing yourself e-mails...), I would recommend chucking your roommate's Ronald Reagan bobblehead at walls. This is what I do sometimes, and it never fails to satisfy me. He is quite a stubborn little beast, and has yet to break. It's true that I might feel guilty if it did break, since it belongs to Max, but not that much considering he refuses to take it back ever since he hid it behind my curtains one night and scared me half to death. He thinks the idea of me sleeping inside the same room as Reagan is hilarious...hmph. Little does he know of my domestic abuse.
"Alice:
I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!
[...]
Eaglet:
Speak English! I don't know the meaning of half those long words, and I don't believe you do either!
[...]
Alice:
I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see."
-Lewis Carroll, brilliant fiend
It's funny, though. Sometimes, the person who can best comfort myself is me. Like when I had to pull an all-nighter in Odegaard for that group paper in polisci, and then I got sick and threw up in the bathroom at 5 am, when I still had 5 pages left to write. Everybody tried to make me feel better, and Samantha taught me how to snort water to make my nose/throat stop stinging, but the thing that comforted me the most was the subject lines I used when I was e-mailing the updated versions of the paper back to myself. They were all titled completely dorky things like "I love you, babe," and "I love sex and starbursts". My little messages to myself were the primary reason I stayed upright and typing until 9 am.
Also, when I used to get really really sad (before Olive died, because now I have somehow lost the ability to get as upset), and I couldn't go to anyone else for help, either because it was late at night, or I was upset about something that I couldn't tell the people around me, then I used to sing myself my song. It was a song that I had written way back in middle school when my friends and I were at the height of our brooding intorspective phase. And we all decided to write our own song. Supremely dorky once again, but when I got uncontrollably upset, that song was one of the only ways I knew to feel better.
I think it's because when you use something that you have written to yourself or done in the past to feel better, it's like you are actively comforting someone else, even though that someone is yourself. There's something about exerting emotion for other people that automatically makes you feel better. Like the way that when a friend is having a hard time, you can immediately forget whatever petty nonsense was making you upset and go talk to them. And so I fake myself out by pretending to be helping somone who needs me.
I don't actually know what I am going on about. Or rather, I know, but I don't know why I am bothering to write it down even when I can't explain it fully, and when it doesn't really matter. At least it isn't insulting to anybody....which is an improvement, I suppose.
Alternately, when you are upset (because you might not have written your own song in middle school or feel comfortable writing yourself e-mails...), I would recommend chucking your roommate's Ronald Reagan bobblehead at walls. This is what I do sometimes, and it never fails to satisfy me. He is quite a stubborn little beast, and has yet to break. It's true that I might feel guilty if it did break, since it belongs to Max, but not that much considering he refuses to take it back ever since he hid it behind my curtains one night and scared me half to death. He thinks the idea of me sleeping inside the same room as Reagan is hilarious...hmph. Little does he know of my domestic abuse.
"Alice:
I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!
[...]
Eaglet:
Speak English! I don't know the meaning of half those long words, and I don't believe you do either!
[...]
Alice:
I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see."
-Lewis Carroll, brilliant fiend
Friday, February 23, 2007
Don't. Stop. Thinkin' bout tomorrow.
I remember Clinton's campaign. Do you?
Apparently, Senator Ed Murray has taken an interest in my blog. This is intriguing, because only 5 people that I know of actually read it. I'm all for politicians responding directly to public criticism and everything (alas, John Kerry did not follow this Clinton-esque strategy and we are all suffering for it), but the 43rd district Democratic race is apparently more contentious than I formerly imagined if those 5 votes really do count that much. And that is not even taking into account that those 5 kids are college students in the U-district.
These days the U-district can't turn out in the polls in large enough numbers to sway shit, and believe me when I say that our beloved 43rd reps know this better than anybody, and will not hesitate to discuss this issue in justification for some of their not-so-student-friendly legislative actions. Don't worry, Senator Murray, I'm not making things up here, and I wasn't before either. I haven't had these discussions with you, but I do read the newspaper. Even The Daily, though sometimes embarassingly amateur, is legit enough to not maliciously mischaracterize your intentions to the student body. Additionally, you and others have been surprisingly candid to many a student regarding our unfortunate position in the political heirarchy of constituents. It's cool, though, we understand how the legislature works and that these calculations have to be made...just don't get your panties in a twist if one student blogger isn't your biggest fan. It can hardly be surprising considering how long the student conduct code drama has been going on, but hopefully that is passe now and future students will be able to forgive--or at least to forget.
If anyone missed the rant that generated Ed Murray's comment, check it out: http://phoebestrivialpursuits.blogspot.com/2007/02/cant-touch-this.html
Yes, it was over the top, but I think Senator Murray's response proves that we all can get a little crotchety when provoked. In the spirit of the equal opportunity provision, here is his response again:
I am not sure if the author was one of the people who visited my in Olympia? If so I don’t believe we were in the same meeting. I did not bitch about students not voting. I did share a concern about low voter turn out in the U district. We then had a discussion about if democratic students should register in the very democratic 43rd or if they came from a suburban republican leaning district if they should register there. I also did not say students opinions don’t matter. I think my record of meeting with UW students over the years can not be matched by other legislators. In addition I have hired as legislative staff and campaign staff students I have met as a result of those meetings. Finally I did not say I wanted to level husky stadium and mentioned I attended football games in the stadium. Again I have a long record of attempting to find a solution to the SR520 problem for all of us who live, work and study on the Seattle side of the lake.
So I don’t mind being considered an asshole, I just think when you make up comments I did not say you are also being an asshole.
February 20, 2007 10:47 AM
Isn't it good to know that even legislators make an occasional typo? I know that I feel better knowing it. Granted an aide could have written it for him, which would be much less satisfying, but you can't have everything I suppose. I'm not here to be a grammar biatch, however. Instead I would just like to respond to a few things.
First, like I said before, these comments are not made up, aaaand, they were not all attributed to Senator Murray. Let me burn an additional bridge here (pun intended...520, anybody?), by emphasizing out that at any point during my galactically offensive entry I was referring to either the man in question or the 43rd Representative, and in some cases, both. I am sure the Senator is being honest in asserting here that he never claimed to want to level the 520, and I commend him on sharing that sentiment with me. I am marginally pacified, and only think that one individual here is "off his rocker", which I believe is the allegation in question.
However, I think it is important to note that the message that UW students' opinions on certain issues are largely unimportant to both of our state legislators in the 43rd, has been communicated clearly to all of us whether the Senator would like to admit it or not. If this is one of those Mary Cheney-do not discuss topics, then perhaps fewer public comments on the topic from our reps themselves would be prudent? And let's be honest, discussions with regular UW students on campus or elsewhere are not private. You are doing us a favor by meeting with us, but we owe you nothing in return, especially not confidentiality. Expect that word will get around about the opinions you share in front of us...especially if you are blunt and insensitive as a virgin Representative [Ed, this is a situation where I am referring to someone other than you--I'm sorry it happens sometimes, I'll try to differentiate more now, though, so that we can all be on the same page. And, heads up, becuse in the next sentence I will go back to adressing both men of the 43rd]. Overall, we, as students are neither blind nor dumb, and everything that I so eloquently shared before *insert sarcasm here for those of you who have issues picking it up* has actually been impressed upon us by way of direct comments, veiled threats, and legislative actions over the past couple of years. As a Democrat who has voted to elect both of you, I have no motivation to call you out on made-up shit, especially considering my audience of 5...which I suppose is now around 6 + leg aides?
Second, I would also like to commend the legislator for his statement that his record of meeting with UW students is matched by no other legislator. I would agree. Of course, excluding the newbie Pedersen, he is the only legislator that has the UW as part of his constituency, so I would hope that his record would stand as such. Additionally, it is important to distinguish between meeting with and listening to UW students (this is a discussion point, not an allegation--I have no intimate knowledge of your receptiveness to students outside of the conduct code issue, but am sure that you are an advocate for us based on the hiring practices that you stated in your comment). Still, I think that we can all agree that this is a positive thing. Snaps for the Senator meeting with students.
Third, I'm glad that you don't mind being considered an asshole. You should get used to it with a career in politics, as I will apparently have to if I make a habit out of insulting politicians. And, once again, don't worry, I don't have a lot of political pull, so there's no way my opinion of you here will bite you in the ass in the Democratic stronghold that is your district outside of what you make of it. If you take anything away from my comments other than a general annoyance with UW students (that may help you bond more with community surrounding UW, actually), I hope it is that even if we don't turn out at the polls, don't have a lot of political clout, and don't communicate with you on a regular basis, UW students do not exactly view you as our fearless leader. We have a lot of criticism for you, some constructive, some reduced to Tricky Dick allusions. What it comes down to, though, is that no matter how many UW students you've met with, you've made it clear where you stand on certain issues that affect us. We want to want you as our Senator. We're mostly liberal to the death. We're just tired of being talked down to and disrespected (here, I am not taking into account that you just called me an asshole...I think it's special that we just shared our opinions of one another, I am referring to condescending statements previously made, or sentiments made clear though legislative action).
That's all.
Tee hee hee. I still think that it's hilarious that 5 whole minutes must have been spent reading and responding to my blog. Seriously, is Oly that boring? Isn't there legislation to be writing or something? I guess it's like the snarky kid from my polisci class would say: "It's the legislative hustle, son."
"You can't handle the truth. [...] We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it. I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to."
-Jack Nicholson, A Few Good Men
Apparently, Senator Ed Murray has taken an interest in my blog. This is intriguing, because only 5 people that I know of actually read it. I'm all for politicians responding directly to public criticism and everything (alas, John Kerry did not follow this Clinton-esque strategy and we are all suffering for it), but the 43rd district Democratic race is apparently more contentious than I formerly imagined if those 5 votes really do count that much. And that is not even taking into account that those 5 kids are college students in the U-district.
These days the U-district can't turn out in the polls in large enough numbers to sway shit, and believe me when I say that our beloved 43rd reps know this better than anybody, and will not hesitate to discuss this issue in justification for some of their not-so-student-friendly legislative actions. Don't worry, Senator Murray, I'm not making things up here, and I wasn't before either. I haven't had these discussions with you, but I do read the newspaper. Even The Daily, though sometimes embarassingly amateur, is legit enough to not maliciously mischaracterize your intentions to the student body. Additionally, you and others have been surprisingly candid to many a student regarding our unfortunate position in the political heirarchy of constituents. It's cool, though, we understand how the legislature works and that these calculations have to be made...just don't get your panties in a twist if one student blogger isn't your biggest fan. It can hardly be surprising considering how long the student conduct code drama has been going on, but hopefully that is passe now and future students will be able to forgive--or at least to forget.
If anyone missed the rant that generated Ed Murray's comment, check it out: http://phoebestrivialpursuits.blogspot.com/2007/02/cant-touch-this.html
Yes, it was over the top, but I think Senator Murray's response proves that we all can get a little crotchety when provoked. In the spirit of the equal opportunity provision, here is his response again:
I am not sure if the author was one of the people who visited my in Olympia? If so I don’t believe we were in the same meeting. I did not bitch about students not voting. I did share a concern about low voter turn out in the U district. We then had a discussion about if democratic students should register in the very democratic 43rd or if they came from a suburban republican leaning district if they should register there. I also did not say students opinions don’t matter. I think my record of meeting with UW students over the years can not be matched by other legislators. In addition I have hired as legislative staff and campaign staff students I have met as a result of those meetings. Finally I did not say I wanted to level husky stadium and mentioned I attended football games in the stadium. Again I have a long record of attempting to find a solution to the SR520 problem for all of us who live, work and study on the Seattle side of the lake.
So I don’t mind being considered an asshole, I just think when you make up comments I did not say you are also being an asshole.
February 20, 2007 10:47 AM
Isn't it good to know that even legislators make an occasional typo? I know that I feel better knowing it. Granted an aide could have written it for him, which would be much less satisfying, but you can't have everything I suppose. I'm not here to be a grammar biatch, however. Instead I would just like to respond to a few things.
First, like I said before, these comments are not made up, aaaand, they were not all attributed to Senator Murray. Let me burn an additional bridge here (pun intended...520, anybody?), by emphasizing out that at any point during my galactically offensive entry I was referring to either the man in question or the 43rd Representative, and in some cases, both. I am sure the Senator is being honest in asserting here that he never claimed to want to level the 520, and I commend him on sharing that sentiment with me. I am marginally pacified, and only think that one individual here is "off his rocker", which I believe is the allegation in question.
However, I think it is important to note that the message that UW students' opinions on certain issues are largely unimportant to both of our state legislators in the 43rd, has been communicated clearly to all of us whether the Senator would like to admit it or not. If this is one of those Mary Cheney-do not discuss topics, then perhaps fewer public comments on the topic from our reps themselves would be prudent? And let's be honest, discussions with regular UW students on campus or elsewhere are not private. You are doing us a favor by meeting with us, but we owe you nothing in return, especially not confidentiality. Expect that word will get around about the opinions you share in front of us...especially if you are blunt and insensitive as a virgin Representative [Ed, this is a situation where I am referring to someone other than you--I'm sorry it happens sometimes, I'll try to differentiate more now, though, so that we can all be on the same page. And, heads up, becuse in the next sentence I will go back to adressing both men of the 43rd]. Overall, we, as students are neither blind nor dumb, and everything that I so eloquently shared before *insert sarcasm here for those of you who have issues picking it up* has actually been impressed upon us by way of direct comments, veiled threats, and legislative actions over the past couple of years. As a Democrat who has voted to elect both of you, I have no motivation to call you out on made-up shit, especially considering my audience of 5...which I suppose is now around 6 + leg aides?
Second, I would also like to commend the legislator for his statement that his record of meeting with UW students is matched by no other legislator. I would agree. Of course, excluding the newbie Pedersen, he is the only legislator that has the UW as part of his constituency, so I would hope that his record would stand as such. Additionally, it is important to distinguish between meeting with and listening to UW students (this is a discussion point, not an allegation--I have no intimate knowledge of your receptiveness to students outside of the conduct code issue, but am sure that you are an advocate for us based on the hiring practices that you stated in your comment). Still, I think that we can all agree that this is a positive thing. Snaps for the Senator meeting with students.
Third, I'm glad that you don't mind being considered an asshole. You should get used to it with a career in politics, as I will apparently have to if I make a habit out of insulting politicians. And, once again, don't worry, I don't have a lot of political pull, so there's no way my opinion of you here will bite you in the ass in the Democratic stronghold that is your district outside of what you make of it. If you take anything away from my comments other than a general annoyance with UW students (that may help you bond more with community surrounding UW, actually), I hope it is that even if we don't turn out at the polls, don't have a lot of political clout, and don't communicate with you on a regular basis, UW students do not exactly view you as our fearless leader. We have a lot of criticism for you, some constructive, some reduced to Tricky Dick allusions. What it comes down to, though, is that no matter how many UW students you've met with, you've made it clear where you stand on certain issues that affect us. We want to want you as our Senator. We're mostly liberal to the death. We're just tired of being talked down to and disrespected (here, I am not taking into account that you just called me an asshole...I think it's special that we just shared our opinions of one another, I am referring to condescending statements previously made, or sentiments made clear though legislative action).
That's all.
Tee hee hee. I still think that it's hilarious that 5 whole minutes must have been spent reading and responding to my blog. Seriously, is Oly that boring? Isn't there legislation to be writing or something? I guess it's like the snarky kid from my polisci class would say: "It's the legislative hustle, son."
"You can't handle the truth. [...] We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it. I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to."
-Jack Nicholson, A Few Good Men
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Break it down, Johann, break it down.
Pachelbel's Cannon in D is beautiful. Who is this speaking? I don't know. Since when do I sit around listening to classical music? I appreciate it, and sometimes I listen when I'm doing math type things, but not during my typical leisure listening time. Apparently I listen to Pachelbel now on occasion when I'm doing unacademic things as well. You know, between the 80's and Newsies. I can't deny it, I do love a good crescendo.
In the category of things that are sillier than life, you might want to check out the picture, Dali Atomicus, by Philippe Halsman. It took 6 hours, 28 jumps, and a roomful of assistants throwing angry cats and buckets of water into the air to capture that bit of art. Who knew that they had so much fun way back in 1948?
Speaking of angry kittens, Cheney actually makes me want to hide under the covers and wait for '08. Jon Stewart showed a clip of him tonight being thoroughly awkward and completely hilarious as per usual. If Cheney doesn't like what you are saying or asking he'll just sit there staring you down, most likely wishing death upon you and your entire family with his constipated little gaze. I would actually never want to get close enough to him to be in range of his evil eye. The Larouchies may finally be onto something here. For the first time. No, nobody wants a bridge to be built across the Atlantic. Sorry guys, didn't mean to get your hopes up, I know you've been pulling for that one a while. But seriously, Cheney might actually eat kittens like those birkenstock-wearing carol-singing misfits' signs proclaim. Don't talk about it, though, that's his personal life and isn't up for public critique. He might knife you. The man is a sack of rage.
Double-take of the day: Ross Perot's first name is not Ross. It is something that starts with H. I was very disturbed to hear this today, because it suggests that I might be a bit young here. Hold on, let me wikipedia it...ah, yes. His name is Henry. Like the mad biznatch from Lost. He also is apparently the 57th richest person in the United States. Anyway, I don't actually know if the H is common knowledge. Perhaps I'm safe on the age issue. I'll have to do a quick poll tomorrow.
"Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae."
-Kurt Vonnegut
In the category of things that are sillier than life, you might want to check out the picture, Dali Atomicus, by Philippe Halsman. It took 6 hours, 28 jumps, and a roomful of assistants throwing angry cats and buckets of water into the air to capture that bit of art. Who knew that they had so much fun way back in 1948?
Speaking of angry kittens, Cheney actually makes me want to hide under the covers and wait for '08. Jon Stewart showed a clip of him tonight being thoroughly awkward and completely hilarious as per usual. If Cheney doesn't like what you are saying or asking he'll just sit there staring you down, most likely wishing death upon you and your entire family with his constipated little gaze. I would actually never want to get close enough to him to be in range of his evil eye. The Larouchies may finally be onto something here. For the first time. No, nobody wants a bridge to be built across the Atlantic. Sorry guys, didn't mean to get your hopes up, I know you've been pulling for that one a while. But seriously, Cheney might actually eat kittens like those birkenstock-wearing carol-singing misfits' signs proclaim. Don't talk about it, though, that's his personal life and isn't up for public critique. He might knife you. The man is a sack of rage.
Double-take of the day: Ross Perot's first name is not Ross. It is something that starts with H. I was very disturbed to hear this today, because it suggests that I might be a bit young here. Hold on, let me wikipedia it...ah, yes. His name is Henry. Like the mad biznatch from Lost. He also is apparently the 57th richest person in the United States. Anyway, I don't actually know if the H is common knowledge. Perhaps I'm safe on the age issue. I'll have to do a quick poll tomorrow.
"Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae."
-Kurt Vonnegut
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