I have shockingly gorgeous nails. It's genetics. Once they get to a certain length, it absolutely looks like a perfect french manicure. I should have been a hand model for commercials. Olive and I were going to do that....she was going to be a foot model and I would be the hands rubbing lotion (even better, self tanner) on her feet. I think I have mentioned that before. Still, it bears repeating. We were going to be rich.
Aaaand in case you did not read about it in the US....here is a particularly colorful gem of a story from the ANC President, soon-to-be South African President (if he is not convicted of bribery in his upcoming trial):
Long story short, Jacob Zuma was accused of raping this woman...judge ruled that the sex was consensual, but Zuma should still be banned from opening his mouth (and his fly) for the stupidity that he espoused...
"Mr. Zuma said that his accuser indicated she wanted sex by the way she sat while wearing a knee-length skirt — an idea he repeated yesterday — and that it was his duty as a man to accommodate her. He said he had not used a condom to have sex with the woman even though he knew she was H.I.V.-positive because he thought the risk of catching the AIDS virus was low. He said he had chosen instead to shower after sex to minimize the risk of infection. Mind you, this is the man who once led the country's National AIDS Council." (NY Times)
He thought that a shower would be enough to prevent AIDS.
Good to know that South Africa is really being led in the right directions by their political leaders.
Aaaaand, I am at home while my bf is out at a bar. Yay, for bitterness!
Swing low sweet chariot,
Coming for to carry me home,
Swing low sweet chariot,
Coming for to carry me home
Friday, April 25, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Talk Me Down
I am going to seriously start a gang war if one more South African decides to tell me that "America is not ready for a black president." Fuckers. The amount of remaining racism in South Africa couldn't even be contained by a US population filled with Rush Limbaughs. Here, every single race has an issue with every single other one. I can't even count the number of times I have gotten shat on by one of my family members just for mentioning that in the US they would be considered black because we don't differentiate between colored and black. You would think I was saying that they would be considered a member of the "nigger" race or something equally un-PC. So, I don't know how South Africans can get their panties in a huge knot about being at all connected to The Blacks, and then in the very next breath say that they can have a black president but the US is just not ready for one.
Similarly infuriating is when I open my mouth to talk about South African politics and get told, "you don't deserve to have an opinion because you haven't grown up here and you don't know what its like." So? I don't get all up in your grill when you assault me with your even more uninformed opinions on US politics. I have lived here for almost a year now, my dad grew up here, and I am about to be a citizen. Plus I follow the news here here waaaaaaay more than the people who are telling me that I don't deserve to have an opinion on it. I am not saying that my opinion is better than theirs or even equal to theirs, but if I feel like saying that I agree with the Human Rights Commission's ruling that the Black Journalist Association can't bar whites from joining, then argue with me and tell me why I'm wrong instead of telling me that I just can't talk about politics. Fascists.
Being here has really made me defensive about being an American. It's very odd because back in Seattle I am the very first person to give a Howard Zinn version of US history...one filled with corruption, selfish decisions, and egregious mistakes. But after encountering a country full of people who want to tell me that simply being born in the US makes me responsible for invading Iraq, allowing the Khmer Rouge to massacre millions, ignoring the Rwandan genocide, and hundreds of other things, all I want to say is step the fuck off. Its not like South Africa or even Britain or France did anything helpful either in any of those situations....and the French were practically complicit in both the Rwandan genocide and the education of Pot Pot.
Yes, with great power comes great responsibility, but if your president is in the midst of supporting Mugabe and you don't want to be told that you are personally responsible for the condoning of corruption, then shut your trap about how awful Americans are.
Similarly infuriating is when I open my mouth to talk about South African politics and get told, "you don't deserve to have an opinion because you haven't grown up here and you don't know what its like." So? I don't get all up in your grill when you assault me with your even more uninformed opinions on US politics. I have lived here for almost a year now, my dad grew up here, and I am about to be a citizen. Plus I follow the news here here waaaaaaay more than the people who are telling me that I don't deserve to have an opinion on it. I am not saying that my opinion is better than theirs or even equal to theirs, but if I feel like saying that I agree with the Human Rights Commission's ruling that the Black Journalist Association can't bar whites from joining, then argue with me and tell me why I'm wrong instead of telling me that I just can't talk about politics. Fascists.
Being here has really made me defensive about being an American. It's very odd because back in Seattle I am the very first person to give a Howard Zinn version of US history...one filled with corruption, selfish decisions, and egregious mistakes. But after encountering a country full of people who want to tell me that simply being born in the US makes me responsible for invading Iraq, allowing the Khmer Rouge to massacre millions, ignoring the Rwandan genocide, and hundreds of other things, all I want to say is step the fuck off. Its not like South Africa or even Britain or France did anything helpful either in any of those situations....and the French were practically complicit in both the Rwandan genocide and the education of Pot Pot.
Yes, with great power comes great responsibility, but if your president is in the midst of supporting Mugabe and you don't want to be told that you are personally responsible for the condoning of corruption, then shut your trap about how awful Americans are.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Recession vs. Inflation
It's easy to get wrapped up in the money system here and forget the exchange rate. When I buy new flowered flats or something and spend 100 rand I feel like, gosh, that was really a splurge, I just spent and ENTIRE 100 rand. In retrospect, though, that is only 15 dollars. And I get all upset about having to pay a whole 50 rand for two movie tickets....but thats literally 7 dollars. In the US, that won't even get one person into the movies unless it is an 11 in the morning matinee. Seriously. We may be headed for recession, but the dollar is still dope in Africa (except of course for the Zimbabwean dollar...which is worth more as cigarette paper in which to smoke dope than its monetary value).
My Grandmother is here visiting from the great psuedo state of E-Wa. It's lovely having her and I am so impressed that she flew all the way to Cape Town alone. She is providing for much entertainment and is lengthening the list of her in-the-car moments of hilarity. Here's a recap of two old ones and the new one...
Frick funny moment in the car with Grandma #101:
Driving through Montana she is convinced that the Xhosa and Japanese cd's my sister and I are playing are Christian music, and she does not hesitate to throw in effusive "Hallelujah's". This becomes a problem when the praise chorus of J-Pop gets her into such a jubilant frenzy that she careens the wrong way down a one way street. Mojo and I escaped with our lives and have stopped playing non-english music on roadtrips with Grandma.
Frick funny moment in the car with Grandma #102:
Squished into the backseat with my sis and I, she drinks from a particularly crackly-sounding water bottle. My irritable father, thinking Mojo and I are purposely cracking something to annoy him and end our little family roadtrip, growls "Stop that cracking noise RIGHT NOW!" My grandmother gives us a big guilty shrug and stows her waterbottle in her bag for in-flight safety. But as she does the plastic crinkles again twice and my dad says "WHO IS DOING THAT!!!! I told you guys to stop! Stop that cracking or you are grounded." The fear in my Grandmother's eyes was palpable. Of course, my dad felt horribly guilty when he found out that it was actually my Grandmother who he was scolding.
Frick funny moment in the car with Grandma #103:
In the car with my cousin Darren, a fairly articulate freshman in high school, (i.e. he's colored and can speak and understand english very well, especially as it is his first and only language). My grandmother shares memories from the good old days and says "Well Darren I snore quite a bit, and when Mojo was little, she used to call it 'snorking'....Do you know what snoring means? Snoring is..." At this point my parents broke up the vocab lesson and explained that Darren was, in fact, fluent in English. My grandmother seemed relatively impressed. I would like to know, though, how at no point in the week she has spent with him did she not realize that he spoke english.
My Grandmother is here visiting from the great psuedo state of E-Wa. It's lovely having her and I am so impressed that she flew all the way to Cape Town alone. She is providing for much entertainment and is lengthening the list of her in-the-car moments of hilarity. Here's a recap of two old ones and the new one...
Frick funny moment in the car with Grandma #101:
Driving through Montana she is convinced that the Xhosa and Japanese cd's my sister and I are playing are Christian music, and she does not hesitate to throw in effusive "Hallelujah's". This becomes a problem when the praise chorus of J-Pop gets her into such a jubilant frenzy that she careens the wrong way down a one way street. Mojo and I escaped with our lives and have stopped playing non-english music on roadtrips with Grandma.
Frick funny moment in the car with Grandma #102:
Squished into the backseat with my sis and I, she drinks from a particularly crackly-sounding water bottle. My irritable father, thinking Mojo and I are purposely cracking something to annoy him and end our little family roadtrip, growls "Stop that cracking noise RIGHT NOW!" My grandmother gives us a big guilty shrug and stows her waterbottle in her bag for in-flight safety. But as she does the plastic crinkles again twice and my dad says "WHO IS DOING THAT!!!! I told you guys to stop! Stop that cracking or you are grounded." The fear in my Grandmother's eyes was palpable. Of course, my dad felt horribly guilty when he found out that it was actually my Grandmother who he was scolding.
Frick funny moment in the car with Grandma #103:
In the car with my cousin Darren, a fairly articulate freshman in high school, (i.e. he's colored and can speak and understand english very well, especially as it is his first and only language). My grandmother shares memories from the good old days and says "Well Darren I snore quite a bit, and when Mojo was little, she used to call it 'snorking'....Do you know what snoring means? Snoring is..." At this point my parents broke up the vocab lesson and explained that Darren was, in fact, fluent in English. My grandmother seemed relatively impressed. I would like to know, though, how at no point in the week she has spent with him did she not realize that he spoke english.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
TMI
No complaints about this, because I am giving a very clear heads up about the following overshare.....
I got a horrible horrible horrible thing called a UTI. And the thought of it "relapsing" like all my online medical consultants warn about makes me writhe in fear. I have never ever been so constantly uncomfortable and in pain ever in my life. And, again, I don't mean to be gross, but I am still shocked at the fact that my pee was literally as dark red as the cranberry juice that I was drinking. And ironically cranberry juice can help treat and prevent UTI's but can also cause you to get kidney stones...how much of an abdominal bitch is that?! Anyhow, here is my personal public service announcement for the week: DRINK WATER ALL DAY LONG, WIPE FROM FRONT TO BACK, AND USE THE BATHROOM AFTER SEX OR YOU WILL EXPERIENCE EXCRUCIATING PAIN.
In other diary-ish news, josh got an sms (aka text message) from his ex tonight that said, "I was, like, looking at our matric ball pictures and missing you, like, so much. I know you said that you didn't want to get back together, though and that you wish me and my boyfriend well." Pointless Angelina Jolie bullshit. I may or may not have added the like's, but that is how I hear her prissy little voice in my head. Plus, she just needs to back off. She already asked Josh whether he would get back together with her if she broke up with her boyfriend (she and Josh have been broken up for 2 years now), and he told her no, so the repetition is unnecessary and skanky sounding. I know I don't really have a right to be mad because she doesn't know about me (for obvious secrecy reasons), but still...and I would hate to be her poor, clueless, sloppy seconds boyfriend. Oh, and if you think that I am pre-emptively judging her, I'm not. I know for certain she is on par with Paris Hilton on the skankiness-scale and here is one piece of evidence attesting to her whoroyalty:
A couple of months ago she wanted to know any and all of the gossip from Josh's life so, instead of asking him or facebook-stalking like a sane person, she went to his friend who told her that he would give her all the dirt on Josh if she sent him nude pictures of herself. Being the upstanding seventh day adventist that she is, she e-mailed him the pictures. Then, she had the gall to go and freak out to Josh and beg him to save her (digital) ass when the friend threatened to post the pictures on the internet. Puh-leaze.
*Sigh* It's so comforting to know that girls are willing to take their clothes off simply to hear gossip about your boyfriend. I trust him completely, but I would seriously be pleased to hear if this girl got herself some sort of g-rated hobby that would keep her g-strings far far away from Josh and Josh's scheming, ass-hat friend.
I got a horrible horrible horrible thing called a UTI. And the thought of it "relapsing" like all my online medical consultants warn about makes me writhe in fear. I have never ever been so constantly uncomfortable and in pain ever in my life. And, again, I don't mean to be gross, but I am still shocked at the fact that my pee was literally as dark red as the cranberry juice that I was drinking. And ironically cranberry juice can help treat and prevent UTI's but can also cause you to get kidney stones...how much of an abdominal bitch is that?! Anyhow, here is my personal public service announcement for the week: DRINK WATER ALL DAY LONG, WIPE FROM FRONT TO BACK, AND USE THE BATHROOM AFTER SEX OR YOU WILL EXPERIENCE EXCRUCIATING PAIN.
In other diary-ish news, josh got an sms (aka text message) from his ex tonight that said, "I was, like, looking at our matric ball pictures and missing you, like, so much. I know you said that you didn't want to get back together, though and that you wish me and my boyfriend well." Pointless Angelina Jolie bullshit. I may or may not have added the like's, but that is how I hear her prissy little voice in my head. Plus, she just needs to back off. She already asked Josh whether he would get back together with her if she broke up with her boyfriend (she and Josh have been broken up for 2 years now), and he told her no, so the repetition is unnecessary and skanky sounding. I know I don't really have a right to be mad because she doesn't know about me (for obvious secrecy reasons), but still...and I would hate to be her poor, clueless, sloppy seconds boyfriend. Oh, and if you think that I am pre-emptively judging her, I'm not. I know for certain she is on par with Paris Hilton on the skankiness-scale and here is one piece of evidence attesting to her whoroyalty:
A couple of months ago she wanted to know any and all of the gossip from Josh's life so, instead of asking him or facebook-stalking like a sane person, she went to his friend who told her that he would give her all the dirt on Josh if she sent him nude pictures of herself. Being the upstanding seventh day adventist that she is, she e-mailed him the pictures. Then, she had the gall to go and freak out to Josh and beg him to save her (digital) ass when the friend threatened to post the pictures on the internet. Puh-leaze.
*Sigh* It's so comforting to know that girls are willing to take their clothes off simply to hear gossip about your boyfriend. I trust him completely, but I would seriously be pleased to hear if this girl got herself some sort of g-rated hobby that would keep her g-strings far far away from Josh and Josh's scheming, ass-hat friend.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
The Final Countdown
...whoops, I meant the Final Solution. That's what I was buried in today. I read an entire book on Himmler, but I don't really think it helped all that much. Too much detail, too little point making. I really just want a little bundle of arguments handed to me that I can disect in my paper without having to sort through silly things like dates and places and names.
Going to Ratanga Junction bright and early tomorrow. Yesssss. I am stoked like an elementary schooler. It's not Disneyland, but it still has log rides that take you off big drops, which is want I want and need, oh baby oh baby. Josh is supposed to come with as well, but he's not answering his fucking phone so I can't tell him when to be ready. I am betting he is not picking up because I didn't call until 7:30 today. Whatever. He said that he would send me a please call during the day and I would call him then, but he never did. And then I told him I would call back after dinner. Well its 10:30 so its after dinner. If he is in a mood because he thinks he had to wait too long, then that's bullshit. He better just be telepathic and know to be ready at 9 am sharp tomorrow. Grrrrrr. Being ignored is worse than being yelled at. I hate it with the firey fury of a thousand suns.
“Disneyland will never be completed. It will continue to grow as long as there is imagination left in the world.”
-Wlat Disney
Going to Ratanga Junction bright and early tomorrow. Yesssss. I am stoked like an elementary schooler. It's not Disneyland, but it still has log rides that take you off big drops, which is want I want and need, oh baby oh baby. Josh is supposed to come with as well, but he's not answering his fucking phone so I can't tell him when to be ready. I am betting he is not picking up because I didn't call until 7:30 today. Whatever. He said that he would send me a please call during the day and I would call him then, but he never did. And then I told him I would call back after dinner. Well its 10:30 so its after dinner. If he is in a mood because he thinks he had to wait too long, then that's bullshit. He better just be telepathic and know to be ready at 9 am sharp tomorrow. Grrrrrr. Being ignored is worse than being yelled at. I hate it with the firey fury of a thousand suns.
“Disneyland will never be completed. It will continue to grow as long as there is imagination left in the world.”
-Wlat Disney
Monday, March 24, 2008
Tattoo, my ass
Wrote an essay today. Yeehaw! I love when I can just methodically whip it out like that and then be done in under two hours. It's rare though, because I have an issue with being incessantly wordy. I don't think I have ever turned anything in that wasn't so far over the page limit that I had to do royal formatting cheating to make it look semi-legit.
Then I was roped into a game of Settlers (Risk for hippies...no war or invasions, just staking claim on land and building houses with "resources") with la familia. That dice was rigged though, I swear. Mojo and I had to resort to a slave chorus version of Swing Low Sweet Chariot just to keep on trekking. My mother tried to join in but was kicked out of the under-oppression club because that damn dice was benefitting her too much to roll in the hood with us.
Next on the agenda for this lovely holiday was the cinematic genius that is The Skulls II. Thank God for Joshua Jackson look-alikes and lots of half-naked women. I could see my parental unit holding their joint breath at all the nude scenes, and my little sis looking away out of guilt. Mwahaha. PG movies here are allowed to contain nudity apparentally.
And Josh wants a Blade tattoo. How whack is that? It might be kind of hot, but at the end of the day it would still be a Blade tattoo and I would be dating a Wesley Snipes wannabe. Hmph.
Mom: "Now let's turn all the lights off and watch The Skulls II by flickering candlelight."
Sis: "No, I can't handle any more sadness tonight after playing that game."
Mom: "It's not sadness, it's fear."
Then I was roped into a game of Settlers (Risk for hippies...no war or invasions, just staking claim on land and building houses with "resources") with la familia. That dice was rigged though, I swear. Mojo and I had to resort to a slave chorus version of Swing Low Sweet Chariot just to keep on trekking. My mother tried to join in but was kicked out of the under-oppression club because that damn dice was benefitting her too much to roll in the hood with us.
Next on the agenda for this lovely holiday was the cinematic genius that is The Skulls II. Thank God for Joshua Jackson look-alikes and lots of half-naked women. I could see my parental unit holding their joint breath at all the nude scenes, and my little sis looking away out of guilt. Mwahaha. PG movies here are allowed to contain nudity apparentally.
And Josh wants a Blade tattoo. How whack is that? It might be kind of hot, but at the end of the day it would still be a Blade tattoo and I would be dating a Wesley Snipes wannabe. Hmph.
Mom: "Now let's turn all the lights off and watch The Skulls II by flickering candlelight."
Sis: "No, I can't handle any more sadness tonight after playing that game."
Mom: "It's not sadness, it's fear."
Thursday, March 20, 2008
The Free State=free to be a skanky racist biatch
In the spirit of US expansionism I have moved to the second-world to stake my claim on the land. And in the spirit of big-d Democratic-ness I have decided to blend in as much as possible by becoming a South African citizen. Yay for multi-nationalism! And in the spirit of education, I will de-bunk some myths about South Africa:
1) No there are not lions roaming the streets, not in South Africa at least. However, I do have to say that I am shocked by the number of livestock I see right off of the Cape Town free ways. And not in fields or anything like that...I am talking about horses tied to railings next to the gutters right in the middle of the city. To be fair to the exotic-ness of the city, though, there are also zebras grazing right at the foot of Table Mountain, which is picturesque like whoa.
2) Everyone is not black here. There are essentially three divisions of race: white, black, and mixed. Mixed being mainly colored people, but also including Indians and Asians. However, being colored in South Africa is kind of like being an Eastern European plundered by the Nazis...your life was hugely handicapped by apartheid, but you weren't the main victim so by now everyone has forgotten about you. There are all kinds of Affirmative Action programs in this country ranging from positive to absurd, but none that I have heard of address any kind of oppression that mixed race people experienced. That is fine, I suppose. The government can't even ger running water to blacks whose houses were methodically bulldozed under the apartheid Group Areas Act, so they should come first in any expenditure of money. All I'm saying is that it's tough to be disdained by blacks for getting less horrible treatment under apartheid, and still hated by the same whites who oppressed you under apartheid. Colored is the forgotten race here.
3) Racism did not disappear with the election of President Mandela in 1994. Racism is still rampant. At least in certain neo-nazi-ish enclaves throughout the country. The University of the Free State is only just implementing a plan to integrate their residence halls. How whack is that? And its being protested by all the creepy children of apartheid-missing Afrikaners who say that having to share a dorm with blacks is the apocalypse. Not only that but they're protesting by making sick little videos where they force the black cleaning staff to drink soup that they allegedly "pretended" to pee in. Give me a fucking break. If you want to be racist in peace, start your own University and don't whine to the public one about having to come into contact with *gasp* people who aren't white. Not to be a social darwinist here, but if the Afrikaner culture continues to stake their survival on a giant effort to turn back the integration clock, they will fast become a dying breed. Welcome to the 21st century, bitches.
"Why don't they sort out Zimbabwe instead? [...] This reminds me of 1994 and before, when we, the Afrikaaners, were blamed for everything by the whole world."
-Christo Dippenaar, head of the dorm where the urine drinking integration protest video was filmed, on why too much attention is being paid to the incident
1) No there are not lions roaming the streets, not in South Africa at least. However, I do have to say that I am shocked by the number of livestock I see right off of the Cape Town free ways. And not in fields or anything like that...I am talking about horses tied to railings next to the gutters right in the middle of the city. To be fair to the exotic-ness of the city, though, there are also zebras grazing right at the foot of Table Mountain, which is picturesque like whoa.
2) Everyone is not black here. There are essentially three divisions of race: white, black, and mixed. Mixed being mainly colored people, but also including Indians and Asians. However, being colored in South Africa is kind of like being an Eastern European plundered by the Nazis...your life was hugely handicapped by apartheid, but you weren't the main victim so by now everyone has forgotten about you. There are all kinds of Affirmative Action programs in this country ranging from positive to absurd, but none that I have heard of address any kind of oppression that mixed race people experienced. That is fine, I suppose. The government can't even ger running water to blacks whose houses were methodically bulldozed under the apartheid Group Areas Act, so they should come first in any expenditure of money. All I'm saying is that it's tough to be disdained by blacks for getting less horrible treatment under apartheid, and still hated by the same whites who oppressed you under apartheid. Colored is the forgotten race here.
3) Racism did not disappear with the election of President Mandela in 1994. Racism is still rampant. At least in certain neo-nazi-ish enclaves throughout the country. The University of the Free State is only just implementing a plan to integrate their residence halls. How whack is that? And its being protested by all the creepy children of apartheid-missing Afrikaners who say that having to share a dorm with blacks is the apocalypse. Not only that but they're protesting by making sick little videos where they force the black cleaning staff to drink soup that they allegedly "pretended" to pee in. Give me a fucking break. If you want to be racist in peace, start your own University and don't whine to the public one about having to come into contact with *gasp* people who aren't white. Not to be a social darwinist here, but if the Afrikaner culture continues to stake their survival on a giant effort to turn back the integration clock, they will fast become a dying breed. Welcome to the 21st century, bitches.
"Why don't they sort out Zimbabwe instead? [...] This reminds me of 1994 and before, when we, the Afrikaaners, were blamed for everything by the whole world."
-Christo Dippenaar, head of the dorm where the urine drinking integration protest video was filmed, on why too much attention is being paid to the incident
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