Olive is in this category and so I am particularly partial to it.
All the stereotypical negatives about only children are not actually true according to most of the literature on birth order that I've been reading. They aren't more selfish, they do know how to relate to people, and they don't have less conflict in their lives. Instead of having conflict with siblings, however, they have more conflict with their parents than other children. Supposedly. I didn't see this at all with Olive....but I would also be the first to admit that she was special. She was compassionate and only wanted harmony in the world, so maybe she didn't fit at all into the only child conflict box.
The main drawback of being an only (expecially an only girl) is that they are often more dependent on their parents and keep a dependency on other people later in life. In that way they can be like younger children who like to defer to their partners with certain decisions, and enjoy being taken care of.
Another characteristic of female only children is that they model themselves closely after their parents. They often take over the same interests and tendencies.
The best match for female only children is supposed to be older brothers of sisters. Female only children want storybook romance and attention, and the older brother of sisters can give it. But he might not get enough playfulness in return like he is used to from his younger siblings because the only female child is simply not as flirty and playful.
But she's a damn good best friend.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Birth Order
I think that birth order is the most fascinating thing since astrological signs. And while it is not as mystical, it is far more relevant to everyone's lives...their personality, their futures and their compatibility with other people.
Some people, Josh included, are birth order skeptics and cannot see how something so seemingly trivial can impact their personality much less their entire life. But birth order personality traits are so logical, so consistent between people. It's not about fate and predestination. It's about environment shaping a person. Social scientists say that the fundamental aspects of your personality is shaped during your first three years of life. And every year after that is of decreasing importance to the make up of you. Your childhood years impact your personality more than your teens and your teenage years more than college life and so on. Of course there are a lot of elements that combine to make up your formative years. But think about it. Wouldn't the additional presence of another sibling in your family (or the absence of all your existing siblings) fundamentally change the way that you grew up. Your parents treat you differently, they give you more or less attention, you learn to share or you don't have to share at home, you are the constant babysitter or you are the one who is being babied.
I feel particularly strong about birth order because I can see exactly how being the oldest child and having a younger sister has affected me. And I find that most people you meet are much easier to understand if you can see where they are coming from. That is, the birth order that they are coming out of.
So, I am going to be boring and talk only about birth order. One per night. And first, thanks to my predictable narcissism, will be me!
OLDER SISTERS OF SISTER(S)
An important factor in how birth order affects your personality (especially in terms of compatibility) is not only your birth order, but your gender and the gender of your siblings. This is important because it often changes how your parents treated you, how comfortable you feel with the opposite sex, and how well you understand the opposite sex.
Interestingly, nearly all of my friends that I can think of are older siblings...with a few only children scattered in. Not many of them are older sisters of sisters, however.
Older sisters of sisters are not as easy to understand as other firstborns are. They do have the defining firstborn characteristics of seriousness of purpose, the natural ability and desire to lead, high standards, conservativeness (NOT in terms of politics!), and adherence to authority.
Additionally, however, older sisters of sisters are extreme perfectionists. They have overdeveloped consciences and tend to feel guilty VERY often. They dedicate themselves to their goals to the point of blindness to other areas of their lives. They are also "super feminine" because they have no brothers and thus will not generally have the influence of a masculine peer in their early life. They also are almost unfailingly conscientious. So conscientious and obedient that they are often the favorites of most teachers, and develop great relationships with their male teachers and male figures of authority. Part of the reason for this is that older sisters of sisters, with the no brother to draw attention away from them, tend to be especially close to their fathers. The time spent interacting closely with a father male authority figure makes them comfortable and even drawn to other male authority figures. And those authorities will like them for all their mature, good-girl attributes.
Older sisters of sisters tend to have a slight problem dealing with guys. Having no brothers, boys are foreign to them. However, this is most expressed when dating and because of their comfortability with male authority figures, older sisters of sisters often have many male friends, much to the chagrin of their boyfriends. They often have misconceptions about how to interact with boyfriends (and husbands) because they assume the opposite sex to be less sensitive and to fit with male stereotypes. Intertwined with this is the tendency of older sisters to want to dominate. They will be planners like any other firstborn and will want their eventual partner to go along with their schemes and ideas. But at the same time, older sisters of sisters will also want to be submissive, just as they were comfortable being submissive to their fathers. This will confuse them (and their partner) and cause a lot of inner conflict.
In terms of compatibility, older sisters of sisters are supposedly best matched with younger brothers of sisters. Generally speaking, all older siblings are supposed to go best with younger siblings and vice versa because they balance each other. Where the older sister is a nervous, high pressure, serious perfectionist, the younger brother is laid-back and easy going. Younger brothers are often the center of attention and rarely are without girls who would love to be with them. The only difficulty here is that younger brothers may not stay interested in older sisters of sisters because younger brothers enjoy being babied and need constant attention which older sisters of sisters often do not realize. Plus, younger brothers will have many girls to choose from because of their magnetic, female-friendly personalities and will choose the most stand-out ones, which are not always older sisters.
Another good match for the older sister of sisters is the older brother of sisters. Older brothers of sisters (this refers to any older brother that has one sister whether or not they also have a brother) are supposed to be the best at understanding the personality of the older sister. From acting as the guardian of their sister they are also superb listeners, they are particularly conscientious towards girls, and have a better sense of the rest of their male peers how females tick. They also provide the authority figure that older sisters of sisters feel so comfortable with.
This, is very funny and deliciously satisfying to me. Because it fits me so very perfectly. I am a perfectionist. I feel constantly guilty. I want to dominate and have the entire world follow my perfectly planned schemes. But I also want someone to dominate me on occasion....I want to be challenged. I have always been considered one of the nicest students by my teachers growing up and I typically have excellent relationships with my male professors. I look up to them and they respect and look out for me. Fitting with the whole birth order compatibility schtick, I am now dating a younger brother of sisters...my "best match". And just like birth order theory would predict, one of our biggest conflicts is that I do not baby him...I don't understand how to, I don't realize how much attention he needs, and I don't realize how guys react to certain things. And, he HATES the idea of me having friends that are guys. My guy friends, on the other hand, almost without fail are older brothers of sisters...the ones that birth order theory predicts are the best at understanding older sisters of sisters.
Hmph. It all makes sense. And I am pleased with the niceness of how everything fits into my life. It means that I am perfectly compatible with my friends, my boyfriend, and my career goals. But I won't go into career goals here.
"BANG!"
-The sound five minutes ago that echoed through the neighborhood just before all the lights went out.
Some people, Josh included, are birth order skeptics and cannot see how something so seemingly trivial can impact their personality much less their entire life. But birth order personality traits are so logical, so consistent between people. It's not about fate and predestination. It's about environment shaping a person. Social scientists say that the fundamental aspects of your personality is shaped during your first three years of life. And every year after that is of decreasing importance to the make up of you. Your childhood years impact your personality more than your teens and your teenage years more than college life and so on. Of course there are a lot of elements that combine to make up your formative years. But think about it. Wouldn't the additional presence of another sibling in your family (or the absence of all your existing siblings) fundamentally change the way that you grew up. Your parents treat you differently, they give you more or less attention, you learn to share or you don't have to share at home, you are the constant babysitter or you are the one who is being babied.
I feel particularly strong about birth order because I can see exactly how being the oldest child and having a younger sister has affected me. And I find that most people you meet are much easier to understand if you can see where they are coming from. That is, the birth order that they are coming out of.
So, I am going to be boring and talk only about birth order. One per night. And first, thanks to my predictable narcissism, will be me!
OLDER SISTERS OF SISTER(S)
An important factor in how birth order affects your personality (especially in terms of compatibility) is not only your birth order, but your gender and the gender of your siblings. This is important because it often changes how your parents treated you, how comfortable you feel with the opposite sex, and how well you understand the opposite sex.
Interestingly, nearly all of my friends that I can think of are older siblings...with a few only children scattered in. Not many of them are older sisters of sisters, however.
Older sisters of sisters are not as easy to understand as other firstborns are. They do have the defining firstborn characteristics of seriousness of purpose, the natural ability and desire to lead, high standards, conservativeness (NOT in terms of politics!), and adherence to authority.
Additionally, however, older sisters of sisters are extreme perfectionists. They have overdeveloped consciences and tend to feel guilty VERY often. They dedicate themselves to their goals to the point of blindness to other areas of their lives. They are also "super feminine" because they have no brothers and thus will not generally have the influence of a masculine peer in their early life. They also are almost unfailingly conscientious. So conscientious and obedient that they are often the favorites of most teachers, and develop great relationships with their male teachers and male figures of authority. Part of the reason for this is that older sisters of sisters, with the no brother to draw attention away from them, tend to be especially close to their fathers. The time spent interacting closely with a father male authority figure makes them comfortable and even drawn to other male authority figures. And those authorities will like them for all their mature, good-girl attributes.
Older sisters of sisters tend to have a slight problem dealing with guys. Having no brothers, boys are foreign to them. However, this is most expressed when dating and because of their comfortability with male authority figures, older sisters of sisters often have many male friends, much to the chagrin of their boyfriends. They often have misconceptions about how to interact with boyfriends (and husbands) because they assume the opposite sex to be less sensitive and to fit with male stereotypes. Intertwined with this is the tendency of older sisters to want to dominate. They will be planners like any other firstborn and will want their eventual partner to go along with their schemes and ideas. But at the same time, older sisters of sisters will also want to be submissive, just as they were comfortable being submissive to their fathers. This will confuse them (and their partner) and cause a lot of inner conflict.
In terms of compatibility, older sisters of sisters are supposedly best matched with younger brothers of sisters. Generally speaking, all older siblings are supposed to go best with younger siblings and vice versa because they balance each other. Where the older sister is a nervous, high pressure, serious perfectionist, the younger brother is laid-back and easy going. Younger brothers are often the center of attention and rarely are without girls who would love to be with them. The only difficulty here is that younger brothers may not stay interested in older sisters of sisters because younger brothers enjoy being babied and need constant attention which older sisters of sisters often do not realize. Plus, younger brothers will have many girls to choose from because of their magnetic, female-friendly personalities and will choose the most stand-out ones, which are not always older sisters.
Another good match for the older sister of sisters is the older brother of sisters. Older brothers of sisters (this refers to any older brother that has one sister whether or not they also have a brother) are supposed to be the best at understanding the personality of the older sister. From acting as the guardian of their sister they are also superb listeners, they are particularly conscientious towards girls, and have a better sense of the rest of their male peers how females tick. They also provide the authority figure that older sisters of sisters feel so comfortable with.
This, is very funny and deliciously satisfying to me. Because it fits me so very perfectly. I am a perfectionist. I feel constantly guilty. I want to dominate and have the entire world follow my perfectly planned schemes. But I also want someone to dominate me on occasion....I want to be challenged. I have always been considered one of the nicest students by my teachers growing up and I typically have excellent relationships with my male professors. I look up to them and they respect and look out for me. Fitting with the whole birth order compatibility schtick, I am now dating a younger brother of sisters...my "best match". And just like birth order theory would predict, one of our biggest conflicts is that I do not baby him...I don't understand how to, I don't realize how much attention he needs, and I don't realize how guys react to certain things. And, he HATES the idea of me having friends that are guys. My guy friends, on the other hand, almost without fail are older brothers of sisters...the ones that birth order theory predicts are the best at understanding older sisters of sisters.
Hmph. It all makes sense. And I am pleased with the niceness of how everything fits into my life. It means that I am perfectly compatible with my friends, my boyfriend, and my career goals. But I won't go into career goals here.
"BANG!"
-The sound five minutes ago that echoed through the neighborhood just before all the lights went out.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Wyoming
I can't seem to get soap off my hands here. The water must be soft. Or hard. Or whichever one doesn't work as well at getting you clean.
People also seem to love their liquor here. Drive through liquor stores and everything. Yeehaw!
"I spilled ice all over the hotel room, is there a vaccuum here?"
-my sister
People also seem to love their liquor here. Drive through liquor stores and everything. Yeehaw!
"I spilled ice all over the hotel room, is there a vaccuum here?"
-my sister
Friday, July 25, 2008
Butte's Copper 94 fm Rocks My Socks Off
As we were rolling along through Montana today, I decided that we should call in to request some songs to kill time. Luckily the DJ at KPOW Copper 94.1 was ready and willing to take my request for Build Me Up, Buttercup. I was excited like whoa until 45 minutes passed and he still hadn't played my song. I'll admit, I was feeling pretty sad and dejected, but I realize that as the only request line radio in Southwest Montana, he can't necessarily take everyone's requests. As soon as I reconciled myself with the fact that no buttercups were being built up, I heard him say, "This is the last request song of the day..." -I'm thinking damn this radio station- "and its Build Me Up Buttercup requested by a young lady named Phoebe Brooks, who also is our free lunch prize winner!"
My mom, my sister and I screamed and yelled all the way from Anaconda to Butte to claim our free lunch coupon and 2 liter of Pepsi. It was phenomenal. I don't think they get many people taking pictures in front of their station with their winnings, though, because I got a lot of weird looks.
Still, I will rep Copper 94 all the way to Baltimore.
Me and Butte are like me and pickles. And I really like pickles.
Also, Yellowstone is dope. I've never seen any of it before, and I am very impressed. A little like Disneyland with all the different areas...frontierland, fantasyland and all that. Except with no rides, of course. Lots of Matterhorn looking hot springs today.
"Ok-la-ho-ma, wouldn't wanna be ya."
-my mother to passing Oklahoma tourists
My mom, my sister and I screamed and yelled all the way from Anaconda to Butte to claim our free lunch coupon and 2 liter of Pepsi. It was phenomenal. I don't think they get many people taking pictures in front of their station with their winnings, though, because I got a lot of weird looks.
Still, I will rep Copper 94 all the way to Baltimore.
Me and Butte are like me and pickles. And I really like pickles.
Also, Yellowstone is dope. I've never seen any of it before, and I am very impressed. A little like Disneyland with all the different areas...frontierland, fantasyland and all that. Except with no rides, of course. Lots of Matterhorn looking hot springs today.
"Ok-la-ho-ma, wouldn't wanna be ya."
-my mother to passing Oklahoma tourists
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Roadtrip: Sea-town to B-more
me: "I hate cookie cutter hotels"
my mother: "Well that's too bad because I signed up for the La Quinta rewards club and we're gonna La Quinta it all the way to Baltimore."
my mother: "Okay, we are not going to pass another one of this historic sites without stopping and appreciating it."
my sister: "Well will you just pull up close so I can appreciate it without leaving the car."
me: "What's a trustle?"
my mother: "The word is trestle, not trustle! Oh my goodness, its like you didn't even graduate from college."
my mother: "Well that's too bad because I signed up for the La Quinta rewards club and we're gonna La Quinta it all the way to Baltimore."
my mother: "Okay, we are not going to pass another one of this historic sites without stopping and appreciating it."
my sister: "Well will you just pull up close so I can appreciate it without leaving the car."
me: "What's a trustle?"
my mother: "The word is trestle, not trustle! Oh my goodness, its like you didn't even graduate from college."
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Zim is Doomed
The only remaining opposition candidate opposing Mugabe dropped out of the race. I would too if my fellow MDC party-members had been lit on fire by Mugabe's hit men.
"Only God can remove me."
-Mugabe
"Only God can remove me."
-Mugabe
Friday, June 20, 2008
South African Politics 101
The Major Players:
Mbeki-The current President of South Africa (following Nelson Mandela). Was the president of the ANC until recently. Lately has been notably absent from publicly condemning the xenophobic violence across the country. Has also tacitly supported instead of condemned Zimbabwe's "President", the infamous Robert Mugabe, and Zim's recent "election".
The African National Congress (ANC)-One of the organizations that was instrumental in dismantling apartheid. Now the ruling political party of the country. Both Mandela and Mbeki were elected president of the ANC before being elected President of South Africa. The ANC currently holds over 76% of the seats in the National Assembly (sort of the equivalent of Congress).
Zuma-The newly elected President of the ANC and the expected winner of the upcoming South African presidential election. He is widely supported by lower-income blacks who make up the majority of the country. However, many others (myself include) are worried about his apparent tendency toward corruption and foolish positions. His statements on AIDS have drawn the most criticism, especially his remark that he doesn't regret having unprotected sex with an HIV-positive woman because he showered afterwards. There is a case against him before the SA Constitutional Court for being involved in likely corrupt arrangement with a French arms dealing company. It is possible that he could be convicted before the election and thus would no longer be eligible for the presidency.
Constitutional Court-The US Supreme Court would do well to take a page out of the SA ConCourt's impressive book. The Court has made numerous bold decisions since its inception in 1994 including requiring the government to provide housing for the most vulnerable in society (much more progressive on socioeconomic issues than the US SC will EVER be), striking down the death penalty against public support, and legalizing same-sex marriage. Given the set up of the SA Constitution, however, I am concerned that the ConCourt is overly susceptible to societal pressure and at risk of being unable to fulfill its countermajoritarian duties. There don't seem to be a lot of people who agree with me on this, including my law class here. However the fact is that the SA Constitutional can be amended with a 2/3 majority vote in the National Assembly. The ANC currently holds more than enough seats in the Nat'l Assembly to pass an amendment by voting as a block. If the ANC was sufficiently concerned about a case before the court (ahem, such as ANC President Zuma's case that will determine his eligibility for the SA presidency), they could attempt to influence the Court by bringing forth legislation to amend the powers or composition of the Court. I have great respect for most of the judges on the Court, but the Court is young, its power is still inevitably tenuous. It seems completely possible to me that if pressured by a powerful enough faction, the Court could be forced to choose between losing its powers and making a fair decision.
Judge Hlophe-Western Cape Judge President (below the ConCourt) who the ConCourt recently issued a complaint of misconduct against. Hlophe allegedly tried to coerce the Court into helping Zuma by either dismissing, postponing or deciding the pending case against Zuma in his favor. Hlophe claimed that he had special information from the National Intelligence Agency and that the ConCourt Justices could lose their positions if they did not step in line.
This is not quite an "I told you so" moment for me because my worry has been that the ConCourt would be successfully coerced, and in this case, the justices have publicly rebuked Hlophe and the attempted coercion. However, this is still not over yet. It might still swing the other way. Also, if a stronger faction such as the bulk of the ANC leadership tried to pressure the Court instead of just one lower court judge, it might be a different story. Anyway, people were always skeptical of my coerced Court scenario mainly because they didn't think anyone would be so invested in the outcome of the case that they would have the gall to try and pressure ConCourt. Ha! Obviously there is some reason for worry, huh guys?
"It constitutes a grave threat to the institution of the judiciary, and accordingly to our constitution."
-Chief Justice Langa, on the alleged misconduct of Judge Hlophe (via the Cape Argus)
Mbeki-The current President of South Africa (following Nelson Mandela). Was the president of the ANC until recently. Lately has been notably absent from publicly condemning the xenophobic violence across the country. Has also tacitly supported instead of condemned Zimbabwe's "President", the infamous Robert Mugabe, and Zim's recent "election".
The African National Congress (ANC)-One of the organizations that was instrumental in dismantling apartheid. Now the ruling political party of the country. Both Mandela and Mbeki were elected president of the ANC before being elected President of South Africa. The ANC currently holds over 76% of the seats in the National Assembly (sort of the equivalent of Congress).
Zuma-The newly elected President of the ANC and the expected winner of the upcoming South African presidential election. He is widely supported by lower-income blacks who make up the majority of the country. However, many others (myself include) are worried about his apparent tendency toward corruption and foolish positions. His statements on AIDS have drawn the most criticism, especially his remark that he doesn't regret having unprotected sex with an HIV-positive woman because he showered afterwards. There is a case against him before the SA Constitutional Court for being involved in likely corrupt arrangement with a French arms dealing company. It is possible that he could be convicted before the election and thus would no longer be eligible for the presidency.
Constitutional Court-The US Supreme Court would do well to take a page out of the SA ConCourt's impressive book. The Court has made numerous bold decisions since its inception in 1994 including requiring the government to provide housing for the most vulnerable in society (much more progressive on socioeconomic issues than the US SC will EVER be), striking down the death penalty against public support, and legalizing same-sex marriage. Given the set up of the SA Constitution, however, I am concerned that the ConCourt is overly susceptible to societal pressure and at risk of being unable to fulfill its countermajoritarian duties. There don't seem to be a lot of people who agree with me on this, including my law class here. However the fact is that the SA Constitutional can be amended with a 2/3 majority vote in the National Assembly. The ANC currently holds more than enough seats in the Nat'l Assembly to pass an amendment by voting as a block. If the ANC was sufficiently concerned about a case before the court (ahem, such as ANC President Zuma's case that will determine his eligibility for the SA presidency), they could attempt to influence the Court by bringing forth legislation to amend the powers or composition of the Court. I have great respect for most of the judges on the Court, but the Court is young, its power is still inevitably tenuous. It seems completely possible to me that if pressured by a powerful enough faction, the Court could be forced to choose between losing its powers and making a fair decision.
Judge Hlophe-Western Cape Judge President (below the ConCourt) who the ConCourt recently issued a complaint of misconduct against. Hlophe allegedly tried to coerce the Court into helping Zuma by either dismissing, postponing or deciding the pending case against Zuma in his favor. Hlophe claimed that he had special information from the National Intelligence Agency and that the ConCourt Justices could lose their positions if they did not step in line.
This is not quite an "I told you so" moment for me because my worry has been that the ConCourt would be successfully coerced, and in this case, the justices have publicly rebuked Hlophe and the attempted coercion. However, this is still not over yet. It might still swing the other way. Also, if a stronger faction such as the bulk of the ANC leadership tried to pressure the Court instead of just one lower court judge, it might be a different story. Anyway, people were always skeptical of my coerced Court scenario mainly because they didn't think anyone would be so invested in the outcome of the case that they would have the gall to try and pressure ConCourt. Ha! Obviously there is some reason for worry, huh guys?
"It constitutes a grave threat to the institution of the judiciary, and accordingly to our constitution."
-Chief Justice Langa, on the alleged misconduct of Judge Hlophe (via the Cape Argus)
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