Ewww.

There are so many typos in these entries. I may have to delete this blog. Or shoot myself.

Let's sleep on it.

Things That Are Good

Personalization:

EVERYONE who is cute wants jeans, etc, that have the first letter of their name on them or something like that. Same with girls wanting Victoria's Secret undies that are specially designed for their university. Yes, it's just a marketing ploy. But it is a damn enjoyable one.



Businesses that go the nearly effortless extra mile:

Case in point...it was my dog's birthday this past week, and the vet sent this ecard.
It's not an actual picture of my dog, but it is his breed. This is the stuff that makes me happy with my pets' health care. That and lack of illness of course.



Movies based on video games:

At first this always seems dumb to me, and I am consistently embarrassed to admit my love for all things Resident Evil. BUT, I have decided that it makes perfect sense that movies based on video/computer games would be qualitatively better. For one, everyone comes into a movie with no knowledge of the back story. Some movie makers go buck wild with complexity and seem to forget this key detail. Or else they overcompensate and feed what should be subtle clues to the viewers repeatedly. Video game plots offer the perfect middle road because they're constructed to be learn-as-you-go yet complicated enough to keep the video gamers interest and possibly cause them to lose repeatedly.

Also, using the video game sequence of events for the movie storyline ensures that every scene has meaning and rids it of the senseless death that is frustrating in so many other movies. Don't you just hate it when some asinine character goes charting around enemy territory, stumbles upon a locked door and then unleashes hordes of zombies...all without accomplishing anything? Infuriating. And it happens oh so often. In video game movies, however, there are inevitably insurmountable challenges that arise, but there is always a point. She wanders into an empty hallway/lab room/office and has to fight a zombie, but she finds a gun/has a flashback/key piece of information there which is instrumental to her escape.


Little Boys:

In the car with Till and Te and Calhoun (MY rubber car lion) and "sick bear" (MY teddy bear that smells like chocolate)...

Me: "Te, be careful! Calhoun will break if you stretch him too far."
Till [holding my teddy bear]: "Phoebe, Calhoun doesn't just belong to you, he belongs to me and Te too. And this sick bear doesn't belong to you, he belongs to all of us."

???????

Work.

Me: "I like your new glasses, Dean. It's a good look."

Dean: "You're a good look."

See? Not everybody at work thinks I'm worthless......yup, I keep telling myself that. (: No, its not really that bad. I think I might give people Valentines before I leave because I am sort of attached at this point and I want them to know that I think they're cool and will actually miss them.

I hope I can find a store that still has those Valentines with Disney characters on it. Those are kind of my thing.







"You're a bitch!"
-Corey...I didn't mind him saying this because a) I know he didn't mean it, b) I give him a hard time sometimes, as do most other people, and c) he has gorgeous eyes.

It may or may not be that time of month...

I just got an email from one of the Mennonite "young adults" at my church inviting me to a BYOB St. Patrick's day party. Awkward. I mean he did make sure to tell people to bring local beer since its better for the environment, but I didn't even know that Mennonites were allowed to drink except in a renegade, on the DL fashion. Hmmm.

Also, I hate it when people that I am not friends with are too much like me. I mean, hellloooo. Get your own personality. Maybe you don't realize that you keep posting on facebook about all the things that I am interested in, but I was born first so just back off and leave my favorite things to me.

And finally, I enjoy being a waitress because there is no other legit job where you can monetarily benefit from being cute without feeling like a total skank. If you aren't good at being cute, well...sorry. But if you are you might as well waitress for a little while so that your cuteness can be appreciated (and rewarded) by grandmothers, frat boys, and families alike.

Plus waitressing encourages you to push the creativity envelope in devising bigger and better ways to escape the boredom of the dreaded Sunday double. Case in point: "I will pay you five bucks if you eat that whole tube of black pepper." Unfortunately nobody was cheap enough.

"If you put this liquid into your eye I will switch sections with you and close for you tonight." I did go for that one. I got to go home early and my eyes didn't even sting.

Label: "Black coke. Do not snort. If lost return to head waiter." That was the black pepper again.

"Let's all put fake tats on our necks like Rihanna and Chris Brown."

"Dude, let's put salt and ice on our hands and give ourselves frostbite." That little bit of faux frat bonding I refused to participate in. Way too That 70's Show. And the lesions they ended up were gross and lasted days. Not in a cool way.

And today we not only blew our way through seven Mensa crosswords, we also started constructing our own. The puzzle theme is "It's the Pits!" in honor of the working environment at the fine establishment that employs us.





"Phoebe, are you busy or do you think that rolling silverware and setting up the dining room could be more important than making a crossword?"
Passive aggressive bullshit pisses me off. Especially when every single person at that restaurant knows that all you have to do is ask and I will immediately embark on the completion of any task. And I do not appreciate being called "Miss Thang" when I have a legitimate complaint about that tone of voice used when addressing me.

Phoebe's Tips for Disorganized Girls on the Go

1. Wrinkled clothes? Hang them in the bathroom while you shower. If you shower for as long as I do they will be perfectly smooth by the time you get out.

2. Life without gum is nasty, brutish and short.

3. Constantly dry skin? Slather on multiple coats of Cetaphil lotion in the am and then add powder to your newly shiny skin and you will be good for the entire day.

4. Floss should be kept in your bag for easy access. If it is an emergency and you didn't put it in your purse you can use a strand of hair.

5. Can't wear eyeshadow because the powder collects in the creases of your eyes? Use tinted chapstick instead.

6. Always carry a crossword puzzle for awkward situations.

7. If you can't find matching socks, deliberately pick ones with drastically different patterns yet the same color tones so that it looks like you are being bohemian and cute and not just messy.

8. Have a hard time getting yourself out of bed in the morning? Put a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup on top of your alarm along with your iPod pre-tuned to your favorite playlist. That way as soon as you reach a conscious state you are fueled, caffeinated and your mood is moderately under control.

9. Wash and save your to-go Starbucks cups so that you can take your coffee with you in the morning without worrying about losing/breaking yet another of your travel mugs.

10. Don't paint your nails. Its fun, but if you have no time to combat the inevitable half chipped off stage you'll end up looking like a scrappy middle-schooler.



"I am the hottest, I am the hottest."
-My mother (who else?) as she demonstrated her newly acquired exercise video hip hop moves.

Operation Awkward Narwal

Commenced today at 1700. Biz-cas shoes were bought. At Payless Shoes no less. Mwahahaha. The last time I was inside one of those stores was before high school. I have decided after today though that that establishment deserves to be frequented much more often. The shoes are perfectly-sized mini wedges. Not too casual, not too high. Because as much as I support looking cute, there is no way that I am blundering around that city in heels without backup. That can be attempted in 2 weeks.

Still worried about whether I will look like a serious fool rolling around with my suitcase on a subway. I am too cheap to take a cab and I need too many clothes to pack a more reasonably sized bag so I suppose there is no escaping it.

But suitcase or no suitcase my number one fear is being alone in the midst of a giant group for three days. I think I will have to take preemptive action by actually making myself be outgoing for once. Gag. And if I crash and burn I can always go drink in a bar for three days, right? Right. ....a cool bar, though. I will be picked up by random guys and have a fling a night.

Tee hee. Not.

Television es triste.

It makes me cry so often. Am I emo? Perhaps. I am a sweat the small stuff type. Lots of tantrums about deadlines and bills and social drama. Some tears every now and then when lives fall apart on the OC. But that's just the small stuff.

I am a master at dealing with the big stuff. Zen, comparatively. Tears about big issues are few and far between. It's also funny that other people seem to be very receptive to giving sympathy for smaller things, but will rarely even mention the big stuff.

And then there's my mother...who won't yield an ounce of sympathy for anything. I don't know how she and I are so different. Shouldn't I be modeled after her??? I think I took after my dad. I have a temper and limited patience. I am stubborn and I always think that I can devise a stratagem that will make everything difficult fall into place. And when things turn out not so peachy, I have trouble.

My mom and my sister are more independent. They think they have to be silent martyrs about a lot of things. They are also funny in a stubborn I'll say what I want to say to whoever I want to way. And they aren't the queens of tlc or sympathy, and sometimes (rarely) they struggle a bit with tact. But they handle stress marvelously...and privately.


It all comes out in the wash.







"I think that he should just shoot it because it is clearly a big freako."
-My mother on the lack of non-defensive killing in I Am Legend