I used to hate not being 21. Out of the nine of my roommates, six of them are party age and are no longer around on the weekends anymore. Instead of me buying everyone 21st birthday presents this year, I feel like they should be buying me going away presents…pity alcohol, if you will.
But, tonight I have decided that I can probably handle being younger than everyone else. There are certain things that are miraculously avoided by not being quite legal yet.
Having been social and gone out last night, we decided that tonight would be a very low-key ghetto college night. Pizza A-Mart delivery at 1 am bought with the help of the Student Survival Guide coupons. It actually turns out that we have been living the ghetto college life this entire week (no doubt preparing for MLK Day, by experiencing a life devoid of all the normal ammentities), complete with calls from the power company saying that our electricity will be shut off in two days unless we pay our bill. Even after we paid over the phone, we lost electricity twice today because every time we turn on a hairdryer it blows the circuit.
Anyway, at about 2 am the roommates start rolling back in from the bars and the clubs. The first girl guest comes over to spend the night with one of the guy roommates. There is an awkward moment as we try and fail to warn her that the bathroom she is heading into does not have toilet paper (and hasn’t for 5 days). That particular bathroom is the guys’ one and it doesn’t even have tissues. I feel bad, but seriously, her date (our roommate) is the one who should have warned her about ghetto week.
At 3 am the girl roommates come back with 3 guys in tow. That’s hot and all, but there is an extra guy which inevitably leads to a sort of musical bedrooms game. The extra one ends up chilling in the living room with us, listening to the sounds of other things wafting through doors as we try to turn the TV up as loud as possible. This one is upset that he basically lost tonight, but we assure him that hook-up karma is very good and will benefit him later. It is funny that he is the one who lost, because on top of being funny, he did not look like Jesus (as in the Nazarene, not my friend Hay-suse), which one of the successful guys did. Jesus is great and all, but how would you like feel like you were having sex with him. Awkward.
4 am, one of the guys who won the initial grab a girl-find a bedroom game bursts back into the room, shirt on backwards and inside out, swearing to never cuddle with a drunk girl again. He is pissed off…literally. Apparently, after not getting any and having trouble falling asleep, he felt something warm and wet on his leg that turned out to be my roommate peeing on him. Every two seconds his is muttering unintelligible things under his breath starting with “Jesus Christ” and ending with “fucking peed”.
The left-out guy becomes satisfied in his karma, which turned out to have helped him avoid the puddle in the bed situation that could have been his.
5 am we finally head to bed, leaving the non-Jesus boys on couches in the living room. We find the unfortunate one’s boxers in the garbage in our bathroom, and I am glad that I am not a 21 year-old boy who was left-out, looking like Jesus, or was pissed on, or a 21 year-old girl sleeping with a Jesus-twin or peeing on someone else. I will continue to be 19 if I can avoid all that shiznit, and just be able to watch and giggle from the couch.
"None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm."
-Thoreau
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