Pride and Prejudice

"Phoebe. Don't be dumb."
-Samantha, on my paranoia

I took one of those pills this morning and had 3 shots of coffee on top of that and felt like I was on speed. I loved it, though. I booked it to class like I was in Chariots of Fire, and then thoroughly annoyed all the people who were sitting around me in science because I wouldn't shut up. This lasted until 7 pm. Then, I started to clean and didn't stop until 2 am. It was entirely productive and extremely weird. I did three loads of laundry, I organized my desk, I cleaned the kitchen, I sorted all the recycling for my entire house, I crushed all the cans, I cleaned out two huge boxes of clothes, I put batteries in my lanterns, I went to Costco, I paid the gas bill, I called Comcast, I drove Mitch to school and picked Chloe up, I put in gas, I called my little sister, I set out candy and philosophy magnets for my roommates, I made mini-signs for the roommates who have been doing their chores, I cleaned my closet, and I only ate two turkey roll things the entire day.

Tomorrow I am going to have so much trouble waking up. I think I am killing brain cells, because I'm actually having a lot of trouble being articulate (hence all of this nonsense), and I actually had to re-read a new quote someone put on their facebook wall three times before I understood it.

I think I might actually have a fever. Hmph. That will be fabulous when I can't even go to my own house's party.

At least I don't have cancer yet. Did you know 1 in 8 American women will get breast cancer? For West African women it is only 1 in 100. That should be frightening, but I feel untouchable because what are the chances that both my best friend and I would die from cancer. Slim to none. I can do chemo if I ever have to, I would just prefer to stay alive at least until I can save the world. Or, alternately, until I can hold a koala. I am the perfect candidate for the Make-a-Wish foundation in terms of novel, but do-able "wishes", except that I haven't yet come down with anything.

Apparently, though, unless I start to drink milk right now, I am certain to get osteoperosis. I am a hypochondriac, but this one is probably true because I haven't actually drank a straight glass of milk (apart from lattes) since probably 7th grade.

Here's a thought: If you can correctly define the word abrogate and use it in a sentence without skipping a beat, I will be your friend for life. It's cheating to look it up in the dictionary (or Wikipedia). Oh, you're already my friend and don't know what it means? That's okay, I liked you anyway. But from now on, additional life-long friends must have a minimal level of intellect that is combined with superb diction. I'm tired of superficial and generally uninformed people who think that they are deep but are really just emo. I'm not saying that I'm deep or particularly genius, but at least I don't confuse mindless emo musings with intellectual conversation (this is particularly directed at past boys who think that you are impressive, but are staggeringly dumb). I really have no current issues with anyone in particular, but please, never ask me who Barack Obama is and then defend your ignorance with claims of political indifference. No, that is just incompetence at life.


And finally, to wrap up tonight's particularly spastic commentary...during my class, fall quarter, I decided that I had better read at least one of Goldwater's books before I completely condemn him in my mind. Well, I'm not completely finished, but I'm a good way through The Conscience of a Conservative and so far I have concluded that I was right all along. The man has only just stopped lecturing on the evils of taxation (federal aid for education? Good Lord, what is next?!), and now has started bitching about the "ill-conceived program" of U.S. foreign aid, and the United Nations, which "we must remember is, in part, a Communist organization".

I think Al Franken wrote a chapter once called "How I Bitch-Slapped Bernie Goodman". It would have been better if he had used Barry Goldwater.







"You puzzle me exceedingly. If what I have hitherto said can appear to you in the form of encouragement, I know not how to express my refusal in such a way as may convince you of its being one."
-Elizabeth Bennet