"Insufferable Man"

I've watched Pride and Prejudice so many times now that when I read the book I can't help but hear the actors' dialogue in my head. The same voices and intonation and everything. It's not really a problem, I don't think I could've done better with just my own imagination while reading, but I've never experienced anything quite like it. More than anything, I think it's a testament to the accuracy of the movie and its loyalty to the text.

And the story is so perfect. I honestly don't think I've ever seen/heard/read anything with better plot, character development, wit and tension.

I had an incredibly disturbing-sounding dream this morning right before my dad woke me up at the crack of dawn (in Seattle time) for church. It involved me fighting with my med school roommate because he made some unsupported generalizing comment about Democrats and how we all support people like Al Sharpton. It was pretty realistic, because my med school roommate tends to make slightly patronizing generalizations all the time, and I can imagine one randomly sending me over the edge in the near future. But then, the dream took a typical veer away from reality (I hope) when he slowly and purposefully cut me on my palm with the knife he was chopping food with...twice. And the third time I did it myself, and then started crying and was hugged by the one I have history with.

Then, I was woken up and got into the shower and promptly cut myself quite deeply with a razor--by accident, of course--just above each ankle. It still hurts.

What it made me think about, though, was how one day he (not the med school one, the other) is going to wake up and be completely alone and without friends and wonder how it happened. It happened when you were unceasingly unconcientious, and always took without giving back. We all put up with you, and those of us who have considered you an friend for awhile now don't want to lose you, because we're loyal and we care about you and can remember having fun with you on several occasions. However, the complete indifference you show to most of us on a regular basis will drive us away eventually. And, like I told you already, if you die of cancer I will not attend your funeral. You think I'm joking, but I'm not. It would just be another case of you disappointing me as a friend. And I know that if you heard all this right now you would just write it and me off and say that you don't care and don't consider me a friend anyway. Sadly, I know that that is not true. You do not have that many friends or even acquaintences, and I know who you depend on for emotional support when things get tough. I am your friend, because I have been there for you more than you EVER were for me....even when my best friend died. I am not saying that I want you to end up old and alone, but inevitably one day, the way you take your friends for granted will bite you in the ass. And I would be very curious to know how you will react when that day comes. I would say, "don't come crying to me when it happens," but that's a lie. I'm the kind of doormat friend who will always be there for them no matter how horribly someone treats me (friends, not boyfriends...simportant distinction) because I get overly attached and can't bear to see anyone unhappy. But, because you're so proud, I doubt very much that you will come crying to me. You will probablly find an unsuspecting girl to attach yourself to, and hopefully you'll be able to hang onto her without smothering her (you treat girlfriends quite the opposite of the way you treat your friends). If you do lose her, just don't commit suicide, because that level of emo-ness is beyond even you, dear.

*Here when I refer to suicide as emo, I am not making commentary on all suicides, just those that are inspired by depression of being dumped.






"An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. --Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do."
-Volume 1, Chapter 20, pg. 78