Bittersweet

I feel like hell.


And I have nothing intelligent to say, as per usual.


There is nothing worse than feeling hurt and tremblingly sad and then also feeling guilty like you deserve what you got. Pitiful. And I am fairly sure that I have been forgotten already. And even if I haven't, then it doesn't matter anyway because having no contact whatsoever is almost as good as being forgotten.

Fuck. How do I get myself into these messes? I just eliminated from my life the one person who I have wanted to be close with since birth.

I am so very sad. In protest of the extremely trying life that I lead I am refusing to shower for church tomorrow.

Let's play Thanksgiving roundtable:

I might hate life at this particular moment, but I am thankful for.....
friends (particularly Chloe, the one who I call emo, and the one called Emi, the one who likes Big Bear)
ramikazes
Bridget Jones
my sister
my parents (though not their absence)
the phrase "blood is thicker than water"
Pride and Prejudice
Collin Firth
Jennifer Ehle
flavored coffee creamer (ahoy, fake lattes!)
clam chowder
eggs
my Sedu
my unicorn band-aids (double size for xtra large wounds!)
my Cinderella chapstick (I would like the Ariel one the best, but it is unfortunately green instead of pink)
my ragdoll kitty and the 16-pounder that sleeps on my bed
Bo
people at work who are nice
the table tonight who wrote me a note on their receipt
public television
convertible mittens
the 80's
Disney princess ziplocs (what a find!)
Twilight
The Annotated Alice
the fact that I am really really good-looking
Barack
Nachos
Old Bay wings
Sketchy business practices
Mebos
My persuasively vivid imagination that I can use to convince myself that I am not irrevocably depressed.


"You're gonna be the death of me. I don't want you, but I need you. I love you and I hate you at the very same time."
-Kanye, et al