Eves Are Cozy

Lynchburg, VA. Yeehaw! ....Amen is actually more like it.

You know that you are far far away from Seattle when everything is called Liberty. Falwell's Liberty University, Liberty High, Liberty Middle and Elementary School and Liberty Bitty Bulldog's Cheer Squad, which my little cousin is a member of.

The Christmas Eve service at my aunt and uncle's church opened with, "So who went to WalMart today?" The scary part was that more than half of the congregation raised their hands. Other than that, a good time was had by all. Particularly by my grandmother who is a fan of belting out carols in the highest key possible. All these prissy lacrosse mom types were turning around and looking to see where all the noise was coming from. And then they caught an eyeful of me glaring at them, unwashed in my mom's 60's down puffer vest and hat and they turned back around. Yes, I am a G.

Don't worry, I will shower tomorrow before anyone captures me on film.

Interesting factoids from the Christmas Eve dinner table:

If you put a steak in a bowl of Coke it will disappear by the morning.
-My sister...perhaps this is not actually true, but she swears by the YouTube video she saw.

If you put a snake in a bowl of Coke it will disappear by the morning!
-My grandmother mishearing and repeating what my sister said. Though I don't doubt that any Coke-sodden snake would be gone by morning.

If domesticated pigs end up back in the wild, they will grow hair and tusks and become extreme beasts a la Lord of the Flies.
-I disputed the truth of my dad's claim here, but he shut me down by hooking up the "internets" and "putting me on the line".

There is a place in Michigan where a bunch of farm pigs got lose in the bush, and now for a huge fee you can go there and shoot one.
-Dad/internet.

If you are standing on the magnetic North Pole holding a compass, contrary to popular belief (among the little cousins), it will not point down.
-My nuclear something (physicist?) uncle.


Happy happy Christmas, y'all!








"Do you ever go to thrift stores? Well if you find a bathing suit in a size 22, then you should buy it and send it to me."
-My grandmother's crazy friend, Dolores, requesting some swimwear from my mother when they spoke at church.