I think it is pretty clear that I will never find a place to fit in. Am I being emo? Yes. But that doesn't mean what I'm saying isn't true.
It's hard for me to get to know people because I'm shy. I don't have a magnetic personality like so many other girls I know. I'm not charming when you first meet me...or really at all. I'm nice, but in a boring way.
And even if someone puts in the prolonged effort required to get to know me, it doesn't mean that they will like what they find. My relatives are unhappy because I am much too liberal for their taste, and my grandmother in particular worries that my interest in the "anti-Christian" organization that is the ACLU will send me down a path to *gasp* something bad....heathenism, atheism, hell, or sin in general.
In a similar vein, I don't think I will ever fit in with people at a church. Even the Mennonites are too socially conservative, too boring, and too...pious...??? Is that bad to say? I mean, its hard to feel like you belong to a group who would aneurysm if they knew that you were a fan of tequila shots with salt and lime.
On the other hand, the friends that I am closest with, that fill all the holes left by my family, etc, they don't really get all the parts of my life. Some of them can't understand why I am weirded out by their belief that chemicals and pheromones completely define our personalities, choices and lives. Others oscillate between suspicion that I am secretly trying to convert them, and willfully misunderstanding what me and people like me do believe.
The only person I have ever met that is at all similar to me with regard to politics versus religion is Will. And he is gay.
Argh, I am so unimpressed. With a lot of things. Especially myself. Embarrassing.
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