"The snow is falling down,
on our New England town."
-Fountains of Wayne
"You'll be doing society a favor.
That sonofabitch is brave and getting braver."
-Bob Dylan
"Well, I'm a standing on a corner in Winslow, Arizona
Such a fine sight to see
It's a girl, my lord, in a flatbed Ford slowing down to take a look at me."
...
"We may lose and we may win,
but we will never be here again."
-The Eagles
"Do you wanna know,
If everything glittering will turn into the gold,
I see in your hair."
-Peter Sallet
"I put quarter water and sold it in bottles for 2 bucks,
And Coca-Cola came and bought it for billions. What the fuck?"
-50
"There's a man with a gun over there,
tellin me I got to beware.
I think its time we stop, children, what's that sound?
Everybody look whats going down."
-Buffalo Springfield
"Back through the system with the riff raff again
Fiends on the floor scratchin again
Paparatzi's with they cameras snappin them
D.A. tried to give the nigga shaft again
Half-a-mil for bail cause I'm African"
-Jay Z
"Her hair is Harlowe gold
Her lips sweet surprise
Her hands are never cold
She's got Bette Davis eyes."
-Various artists including Blondie
"Now Muriel plays piano
Every Friday at the Hollywood
And they brought me down to see her
And they asked me if I would,
Do a little number
And I sang with all my might
And she said "Tell me are you a Christian, child?"
And I said "Ma'am I am tonight"."
-Marc Cohn
Monday, January 19, 2009
T minus 13 hours
I love it when the snow floats up. I mean, I love snow period. But the tiny flakes that are so light that they circle upwards in seemingly no wind are my favorite.
What I don't love is how freaking cold I am going to be tomorrow. Luckily, I will have toe warmers.
What I don't love is how freaking cold I am going to be tomorrow. Luckily, I will have toe warmers.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Programmed
I am fairly positive that I have been overly empathetic from day 1. And I think that this may be one of my biggest issues. I can remember myself at the age of four doing a rotating sleep arrangement with my many stuffed animals so that they could each have a prime spot on the bed eventually and none of them would have reason to feel left out. Perhaps attributing feelings to inanimate objects suggests bigger problems than an over developed sense of empathy, I don't know.
And one of my most traumatic memories is of me getting lice. I had to stay home for days while my hair was yanked and doused in chemicals, and worst of all, all my stuffed animals were bagged up. My parents said that I could get them back in a year. I thought that the world was ending.
In any case, I think this whole people thinking I am some kind of innocent porcelain doll who is polite to the point of un-funness stems from me being too invested in other people's emotions. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or offend them at all or mess up and have them judge me. And so I am boring. And when someone offends me, I over analyze it to the point where I end up feeling sorry for them and can't get up the nerve to risk hurting their feelings by taking revenge...or even addressing the issue.
And then on the flip side, I sometimes get so fed up with being a wimp and being so constantly overlooked because I am generally nice that I will lash out. I will absolutely blindside someone who is expecting me to act neutrally, and then they end up thinking that I am a bitch.
Basically, I can't win.
Saw Frost/Nixon. It was good I thought, but both mi madre and mi hermanita fell asleep. I could never ever fall asleep in a movie. Maybe at home, but not in the theater. I like living vicariously too much to zone out.
And one of my most traumatic memories is of me getting lice. I had to stay home for days while my hair was yanked and doused in chemicals, and worst of all, all my stuffed animals were bagged up. My parents said that I could get them back in a year. I thought that the world was ending.
In any case, I think this whole people thinking I am some kind of innocent porcelain doll who is polite to the point of un-funness stems from me being too invested in other people's emotions. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or offend them at all or mess up and have them judge me. And so I am boring. And when someone offends me, I over analyze it to the point where I end up feeling sorry for them and can't get up the nerve to risk hurting their feelings by taking revenge...or even addressing the issue.
And then on the flip side, I sometimes get so fed up with being a wimp and being so constantly overlooked because I am generally nice that I will lash out. I will absolutely blindside someone who is expecting me to act neutrally, and then they end up thinking that I am a bitch.
Basically, I can't win.
Saw Frost/Nixon. It was good I thought, but both mi madre and mi hermanita fell asleep. I could never ever fall asleep in a movie. Maybe at home, but not in the theater. I like living vicariously too much to zone out.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Good Luck Night
A zombie movie that I hadn't seen yet was on tv. I absolutely adore zombie movies. Any and all. Preferably not the ones that are too cheesy and that sacrifice plot for pure gore. I like the Resident Evil movies because they have well-developed plots since they are part of a long series. Also, there is an element of fighting the man in it. On the other hand, in the Resident Evil movies they almost have the zombie-killing down to a science which makes it less riveting. I am more interested in watching normal people have their everyday lives turned upside down by a zombie invasion/infection than watching a superhero-type chick fight off zombie-monster clones with her crazy ninja skills.
The movie I watched tonight was called Diary of the Dead, and it was okay. It was a little too Blair Witch in some ways (teens who get in petty fights while they simultaneously film the fear-filled journey to their deaths). But I had butterflies in my stomach the whole time, so clearly something about it was good. I wish that their were more zombie movies set in cities though. Its always in a small town or something like that. I want to see the city version...like Cloverfield except with zombies and without people filming themselves BW style which is freaking annoying. And also without the lame, cop-out closure-less ending that Cloverfield had.
Also lovely was that I talked to Josh tonight. Even just talking to him is more fun than fully hanging out with most other people. He makes everything exciting. Except its a little bit frustrating because I have wanted to be a main part of his life for so so long. And then I finally was. I finally got to be on the inside and I got to have the right to his attention and to know what he was doing and thinking and feeling. And now, I'm not. I'm back on the outside looking in. And I can still ask him about his life and everything. But I am completely at his mercy. If he wants to shut me out or not tell me anything or go have crazy sex with people I hate there is nothing at all that I can do about it. And furthermore, if that happened I wouldn't even have the right to be upset about it in the least. Because I am on the outside.
Not that he is actually doing any of those things. Its just that my head is a worst-scenario kind of place.
Anyway, the point is not that I am paranoid and jealous. The point is that I like that I can still be somewhat involved in his life. And I like that he still cares, and that he likes it when I call, and that when I'm talking to him I don't feel like we are strangers or anything terrifying like that. It feels like everything is going to be okay.
And it is.
The movie I watched tonight was called Diary of the Dead, and it was okay. It was a little too Blair Witch in some ways (teens who get in petty fights while they simultaneously film the fear-filled journey to their deaths). But I had butterflies in my stomach the whole time, so clearly something about it was good. I wish that their were more zombie movies set in cities though. Its always in a small town or something like that. I want to see the city version...like Cloverfield except with zombies and without people filming themselves BW style which is freaking annoying. And also without the lame, cop-out closure-less ending that Cloverfield had.
Also lovely was that I talked to Josh tonight. Even just talking to him is more fun than fully hanging out with most other people. He makes everything exciting. Except its a little bit frustrating because I have wanted to be a main part of his life for so so long. And then I finally was. I finally got to be on the inside and I got to have the right to his attention and to know what he was doing and thinking and feeling. And now, I'm not. I'm back on the outside looking in. And I can still ask him about his life and everything. But I am completely at his mercy. If he wants to shut me out or not tell me anything or go have crazy sex with people I hate there is nothing at all that I can do about it. And furthermore, if that happened I wouldn't even have the right to be upset about it in the least. Because I am on the outside.
Not that he is actually doing any of those things. Its just that my head is a worst-scenario kind of place.
Anyway, the point is not that I am paranoid and jealous. The point is that I like that I can still be somewhat involved in his life. And I like that he still cares, and that he likes it when I call, and that when I'm talking to him I don't feel like we are strangers or anything terrifying like that. It feels like everything is going to be okay.
And it is.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Why Me?
Good news: my thumb is de-bumpifying.
Bad news: I sliced off the fingerprint of my middle finger. It happened when I slid my finger under the envelope of a law school app and got the paper cut of the century.
I am pretty sure that life is not nearly so hard for other people.
Bad news: I sliced off the fingerprint of my middle finger. It happened when I slid my finger under the envelope of a law school app and got the paper cut of the century.
I am pretty sure that life is not nearly so hard for other people.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
I don't feel good
Watching Catch and Release. Horrible idea.
One thing I like about the movie is that it doesn't simplify things. The woman's fiance is dead and as much as she would like to remember him fondly in peace, she has to deal with the reality of things. She has to come to terms with the fact that he cheated on her, which makes her angry and jealous and insecure.
It's easy to romanticize death, but I think that it mostly isn't like that at all.
What it is like is lonely. And its a lonely that doesn't go away. From what I can tell it lasts the rest of your life.
There is a boy at my church whose best friend has a brain tumor. I've always really liked this boy. He is quiet and shy and likes Trivial Pursuit. He is also totally nerdy. I don't think he has a ton of friends. I guess now his friend has leukemia in addition to the tumor and it looks like he is going to die. I feel so awful for both of them. That shouldn't happen to people. Its not fair. And it kills me to see it happening to someone else.
I'm so so upset. It doesn't make sense. I don't understand how the universe decides to hurt people so badly. Not all people, just some. These kids are so young and they don't deserve to have this happen to them. They're innocent and haven't experienced a whole lot of life yet. But it doesn't matter. Because one of them will likely die, and the other will be alone the rest of his life wondering why and feeling empty.
And it will be worse since he is a boy. People will look at him funny if he randomly cries at movies that remind him of his friend. And nobody will know what to say to him about it.
Sometimes living just makes me want to die.
One thing I like about the movie is that it doesn't simplify things. The woman's fiance is dead and as much as she would like to remember him fondly in peace, she has to deal with the reality of things. She has to come to terms with the fact that he cheated on her, which makes her angry and jealous and insecure.
It's easy to romanticize death, but I think that it mostly isn't like that at all.
What it is like is lonely. And its a lonely that doesn't go away. From what I can tell it lasts the rest of your life.
There is a boy at my church whose best friend has a brain tumor. I've always really liked this boy. He is quiet and shy and likes Trivial Pursuit. He is also totally nerdy. I don't think he has a ton of friends. I guess now his friend has leukemia in addition to the tumor and it looks like he is going to die. I feel so awful for both of them. That shouldn't happen to people. Its not fair. And it kills me to see it happening to someone else.
I'm so so upset. It doesn't make sense. I don't understand how the universe decides to hurt people so badly. Not all people, just some. These kids are so young and they don't deserve to have this happen to them. They're innocent and haven't experienced a whole lot of life yet. But it doesn't matter. Because one of them will likely die, and the other will be alone the rest of his life wondering why and feeling empty.
And it will be worse since he is a boy. People will look at him funny if he randomly cries at movies that remind him of his friend. And nobody will know what to say to him about it.
Sometimes living just makes me want to die.
Monday, January 12, 2009
On Grease
I would like to note a couple of things about this classic movie.
1. It is very close to my heart since it is about a girl who everyone considers a prude, who may in fact be a prude in comparison to everyone else, who gets her dream guy.
2. There is lots of goofy dancing done with incredible gusto and also lots of high ponytails.
3. Many have criticized the movie's apparent chauvinist tone since Sandy "wins" in the end only after she completely changes herself from the sweet innocent Sandra Dee to the smokin' hot sex pistol in black leather/spandex...basically the female equivalent of Danny (hello...John Travolta). BUT, what is forgotten in these criticisms is that Danny and Sandy BOTH change themselves to win over eachother. Danny shows up to meet Sandy wearing a letterman's jacket instead of his usual greased up leather and tells his friends that he cares about them, but he cares about Sandy more so he is going to become a jock so that she will take him back. The point is NOT that Sandy had to change herself in order to produce the fairytale ending, the point is that they were meant to be and proof of that was them both being willing to change for the other.
4. I've never thought John Travolta was hot.
5. Summer Lovin' was one of my first favorite songs ever. Right behind Build Me Up, Buttercup and the listen to the rhythm of the pouring rain one.
1. It is very close to my heart since it is about a girl who everyone considers a prude, who may in fact be a prude in comparison to everyone else, who gets her dream guy.
2. There is lots of goofy dancing done with incredible gusto and also lots of high ponytails.
3. Many have criticized the movie's apparent chauvinist tone since Sandy "wins" in the end only after she completely changes herself from the sweet innocent Sandra Dee to the smokin' hot sex pistol in black leather/spandex...basically the female equivalent of Danny (hello...John Travolta). BUT, what is forgotten in these criticisms is that Danny and Sandy BOTH change themselves to win over eachother. Danny shows up to meet Sandy wearing a letterman's jacket instead of his usual greased up leather and tells his friends that he cares about them, but he cares about Sandy more so he is going to become a jock so that she will take him back. The point is NOT that Sandy had to change herself in order to produce the fairytale ending, the point is that they were meant to be and proof of that was them both being willing to change for the other.
4. I've never thought John Travolta was hot.
5. Summer Lovin' was one of my first favorite songs ever. Right behind Build Me Up, Buttercup and the listen to the rhythm of the pouring rain one.
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