I don't feel good

Watching Catch and Release. Horrible idea.

One thing I like about the movie is that it doesn't simplify things. The woman's fiance is dead and as much as she would like to remember him fondly in peace, she has to deal with the reality of things. She has to come to terms with the fact that he cheated on her, which makes her angry and jealous and insecure.

It's easy to romanticize death, but I think that it mostly isn't like that at all.

What it is like is lonely. And its a lonely that doesn't go away. From what I can tell it lasts the rest of your life.

There is a boy at my church whose best friend has a brain tumor. I've always really liked this boy. He is quiet and shy and likes Trivial Pursuit. He is also totally nerdy. I don't think he has a ton of friends. I guess now his friend has leukemia in addition to the tumor and it looks like he is going to die. I feel so awful for both of them. That shouldn't happen to people. Its not fair. And it kills me to see it happening to someone else.

I'm so so upset. It doesn't make sense. I don't understand how the universe decides to hurt people so badly. Not all people, just some. These kids are so young and they don't deserve to have this happen to them. They're innocent and haven't experienced a whole lot of life yet. But it doesn't matter. Because one of them will likely die, and the other will be alone the rest of his life wondering why and feeling empty.

And it will be worse since he is a boy. People will look at him funny if he randomly cries at movies that remind him of his friend. And nobody will know what to say to him about it.

Sometimes living just makes me want to die.