Sleeplessness

I live in a state of near constant stress. Its really ridiculous. I will probably die early from some sort of system break down because of it.

I stress about everything. And when things go wrong it feels like the end of the world to me. I am a big fan of making dramatic statements like "I should just kill myself!" or "this is the worst day of my life" much to the chagrin of my mother and Chloe. And its not that I really believe either of those things...its just that I really experience stress so strongly that I need a verbal outlet for my inner turmoil.

And its not like I haven't been proven right time and time again that where there is any opportunity for things to go wrong they will. You only visit South Africa once every 4 years and you're coming this year? Whoops, your family there is magically taking a vacay to Ireland and will not be seeing you. You have the first polisci exam of your life and show up at the time posted on MYUW? Poor you, the exam was at a different time and you missed it. You paid 50 dollars in wire transfers and school fees to order a transcript to be sent from UCT to LSAC three months ago? Time will slide by and countless office people will assure you on the phone that they sent it, but it will never arrive.


Argh. But the thing is, in the end everything does work out to some extent, which makes all my sleepless nights tossing and turning in bed useless......Hmmmm, or is it my sensitivity to stress that enables me to take control of impossible situations and ensure the eventual production of solutions? Perhaps. I would prefer to think of it that way, I guess. But I would also prefer to stop stressing and enjoy life once in awhile without having to use my expert denial skills to push away my underlying feelings of impending doom.


Well anyway, I am happy tonight because in the throws of insomnia I had the bright idea to call UCT about my transcript once again, and they told me that the courier service I ordered finally picked up my package. Ahoy! Aaaand, then I called the courier service and they said that it is already in Pennsylvania and it will arrive tomorrow. I am excessively relieved.

But I swear they must inject those cough drops with caffeine because I still can't manage even a hint of a doze.


Maybe I should paint my nails.