The restaurant was a complete shitshow. First of all, a number of mice died under the fridge in the servers' station only to be found and sort of scraped up this afternoon. So we were choking on the smell of decay all night long. The stench still won't leave my nose. Second, Max was supposed to bring in a movie to give to me, but PC picked up his shift so I was movie-less and very disappointed. Then to cap it all off I forgot to watch the water in the mop bucket while it filled and then it overflowed onto the just-mopped kitchen. All the cooks were gone so I had to clean it up all on my own....well, with the help of the flaming head waiter who is actually a really good guy under all his gay sexual innuendo.
Not to mention that people were tipping lower than ever. I beat my previous record for worst dinner tip when my last table tipped $5 on $62. Are you kidding me? That's less than ten percent. You should be making some kind of statement about the service if you tip that low. But no, they already told me that they loved the food and they acted like they were happy with me too. So basically they were total d-bags. I get paid three dollars an hour and when it is approaching midnight and you are the only customers left and I am still working solely because of you, you should at least make sure that I am making more than $8/hr. Assholes. Usually I can expect over $12 then...usually more like $20, so getting $5 is almost like getting nothing at all.
Now...beauty sleep. Because I have to be back at the restaurant bright and early for a double. Sometimes life is just so good.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
Conundrums
1) I haven't been able to sleep lately. What's up with that? I love sleep. I relish falling asleep at night usually because I love the pre-sleep reading/music-listening/daydreaming routine. But I have been doing this thing where I have to refluff my pillows and switch them out and replace my head on the pillow repeatedly to the point where I become a ball of stress and not sleepy at all. Very OCD. I should probably have someone check me out.
2) Speaking of being checked out, two people at work today told me I was too skinny. But my sister and the bathroom scale have been insinuating that I am gaining weight in a not-so-good way. Who do I listen to??? I actually will not really listen to any of them...they all cancel each other out so I will consider the issue dunzo and do nothing. But it goes to show that you can't please everyone.
3) I think I have pinpointed my main issue with guys. I have never consciously looked for certain characteristics in guys as any sort of litmus test. But I have determined that subconsciously I am drawn to guys who make me laugh....above any other quality. Therein lies the problem. Generally the people that can make me laugh the most are the people that can catch me off guard and tease me....which also requires a certain lack of sensitivity. People who care too much about preserving the feelings of others are just not as funny. And so this leads me to boys that entertain me greatly, but at best have the said lack of sensitivity and at worst don't give a shit about my feelings at all.
Still, I will have to find a ways to reconcile the need for hilarity and the need for regard for my feelings. Because those are both necessary guy qualities. My father thinks that the former is not as necessary...hence his failure to understand why I am unwilling to consider a certain guy that I work with, PC, as boyfriend material. This is a boy that I like as a friend, he spent two years in Lesotho in the peace corps and he is intelligent and fun to talk to and he walks me home from work since he lives near me...all of these admirable qualities. BUT, he doesn't make me laugh that much, and he especially doesn't make me laugh at myself. Pshaw. The silly thing is that my father should understand this instead of thinking I am being a ditsy little girl because he is the one always cracking jokes in our family and making fun of me and "modeling" what I should be looking for in a guy. Hmmm, that last sentence bordered on Freudian thinking which I don't really support, but you get the point.
4) I love the feeling of irritated gums, but I am scared of gum recession. Specifically, I enjoy flossing overly aggressively to make my gums tingly, but I know that brushing and flossing too hard can spur gum recession. What do I do?
5) I am so dumb. But embarrassing myself is so much more interesting than keeping my mouth shut. Should I at least attempt to restrain myself from being so annoying and ridiculous?
During a game of hangman:
"I think that the word must be Magazine."
-Me
"But we already used up the S."
-Boy at work
2) Speaking of being checked out, two people at work today told me I was too skinny. But my sister and the bathroom scale have been insinuating that I am gaining weight in a not-so-good way. Who do I listen to??? I actually will not really listen to any of them...they all cancel each other out so I will consider the issue dunzo and do nothing. But it goes to show that you can't please everyone.
3) I think I have pinpointed my main issue with guys. I have never consciously looked for certain characteristics in guys as any sort of litmus test. But I have determined that subconsciously I am drawn to guys who make me laugh....above any other quality. Therein lies the problem. Generally the people that can make me laugh the most are the people that can catch me off guard and tease me....which also requires a certain lack of sensitivity. People who care too much about preserving the feelings of others are just not as funny. And so this leads me to boys that entertain me greatly, but at best have the said lack of sensitivity and at worst don't give a shit about my feelings at all.
Still, I will have to find a ways to reconcile the need for hilarity and the need for regard for my feelings. Because those are both necessary guy qualities. My father thinks that the former is not as necessary...hence his failure to understand why I am unwilling to consider a certain guy that I work with, PC, as boyfriend material. This is a boy that I like as a friend, he spent two years in Lesotho in the peace corps and he is intelligent and fun to talk to and he walks me home from work since he lives near me...all of these admirable qualities. BUT, he doesn't make me laugh that much, and he especially doesn't make me laugh at myself. Pshaw. The silly thing is that my father should understand this instead of thinking I am being a ditsy little girl because he is the one always cracking jokes in our family and making fun of me and "modeling" what I should be looking for in a guy. Hmmm, that last sentence bordered on Freudian thinking which I don't really support, but you get the point.
4) I love the feeling of irritated gums, but I am scared of gum recession. Specifically, I enjoy flossing overly aggressively to make my gums tingly, but I know that brushing and flossing too hard can spur gum recession. What do I do?
5) I am so dumb. But embarrassing myself is so much more interesting than keeping my mouth shut. Should I at least attempt to restrain myself from being so annoying and ridiculous?
During a game of hangman:
"I think that the word must be Magazine."
-Me
"But we already used up the S."
-Boy at work
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
An Open Letter to Bank Tellers:
Don't look at me with your snide judgment when I come in to make a deposit. I should be the one making you feel bad instead of the other way around because I sure as hell would make a deposit using an ATM in the freezing snow if it would allow me to avoid contact with snooty, boring, shoulder-padded jackasses such as yourself. Basically everybody who utilizes banks would rather converse with a machine instead of a teller. Soon, you will be obsolete.
And just because I make huge deposits of cash in small bills it does not give you the right to look at me strangely or wonder what I do for a living. The only reason I let money pile up like that in the box on my dresser is because I HATE going to the bank because of YOU. And being a waitress is hardly worse than being a bank teller. Waitressing is often temporary (as in my case) and even when it isn't it usually pays higher than your hourly salary. But I am sure you are just too bourgeois to involve yourself in a job where you are paid in cash. Besides, people like you could NEVER survive in positions where you actually have to be warm and friendly to customers in order to get paid. No, you opt for the cold frigid bitch approach. Well fine. The dry crusty look coordinates well with your expensive but somehow still dry and crusty clothes.
And one day when I am running around fighting the man as some sort of attorney I will receive my paycheck through direct deposit and I will never have to even look at you again. Then again, by that time even waiters will be able to use direct deposit, automated deposit machines, etc. and you will be out of a job.
Damn. I guess if I did any sort of public law work for the unemployment office like Sandra Bullock does in Two Weeks Notice I would actually have to interact with you again. Whoops, well then I will have to go corporate and do pro bono. That's right I would change my career path to avoid contact with your sorry asinine selves.
Sincerely,
The Girl With a Thousand in Cash
And just because I make huge deposits of cash in small bills it does not give you the right to look at me strangely or wonder what I do for a living. The only reason I let money pile up like that in the box on my dresser is because I HATE going to the bank because of YOU. And being a waitress is hardly worse than being a bank teller. Waitressing is often temporary (as in my case) and even when it isn't it usually pays higher than your hourly salary. But I am sure you are just too bourgeois to involve yourself in a job where you are paid in cash. Besides, people like you could NEVER survive in positions where you actually have to be warm and friendly to customers in order to get paid. No, you opt for the cold frigid bitch approach. Well fine. The dry crusty look coordinates well with your expensive but somehow still dry and crusty clothes.
And one day when I am running around fighting the man as some sort of attorney I will receive my paycheck through direct deposit and I will never have to even look at you again. Then again, by that time even waiters will be able to use direct deposit, automated deposit machines, etc. and you will be out of a job.
Damn. I guess if I did any sort of public law work for the unemployment office like Sandra Bullock does in Two Weeks Notice I would actually have to interact with you again. Whoops, well then I will have to go corporate and do pro bono. That's right I would change my career path to avoid contact with your sorry asinine selves.
Sincerely,
The Girl With a Thousand in Cash
Watch as I become mi madre.....
My hands are so dry that they are cracking and bleeding. It's like something out of a bad horror movie on the plague. Luckily I found a hand lotion (sweet pea) that is the scent-equivalent of Herbal Essences. Magnifico.
I had a friend that always used to tell me that the smell of my hair reminded him too much of an ex of his. I wonder if we have reached the point yet where Herbal Essences reminds him of me instead of her.....or at least when he accidentally catches a whiff of my hair he is not repulsed. I don't think he and I will always be good friends. I would like to, but so much of the time we were friends I think he felt like he had to be the adult, the designated driver, and generally the caretaker of the rest of us. It seems like he almost resents it now. Of course we never asked or expected him to fill that role, we were relentless in nagging him to drink with us, it was just in his nature to be overly protective and overly generous and everything good and adult like that. I remember once when we stayed at J-Mu's cabin he even dragged B-hawk across the room by his neck when he tried to crawl in bed with Samantha and I. And B-hawk screamed like the girl in the first Jurassic Park. Boo, hiss...I hate growing apart.
In any case, this nannying job has convinced me that I don't think I want to have kids of my own anymore. Not that I planned to have them for at least fifteen years. They're just too tiring. I can't imagine coming home after a day of work only to be faced with four hours of warring with children. They become your entire life. I already feel like Till and Te are my entire life and they're not even my children! BUT. That being said, nannying also has me convinced that I should have kids. I am impossibly good with them. I am stricter than their parents by far, but kids need boundaries to function correctly and they are becoming better behaved already. Aaaand, we are still having quite a lot of fun. Well...they are having fun. And I am beginning to. Today we went to the park and we played soccer. Tomorrow we are going to Nursery Rhyme Time at the library. And since its the last day of our week, I am actually going to let them watch a Madeline/Veggie Tales movie.
I had a friend that always used to tell me that the smell of my hair reminded him too much of an ex of his. I wonder if we have reached the point yet where Herbal Essences reminds him of me instead of her.....or at least when he accidentally catches a whiff of my hair he is not repulsed. I don't think he and I will always be good friends. I would like to, but so much of the time we were friends I think he felt like he had to be the adult, the designated driver, and generally the caretaker of the rest of us. It seems like he almost resents it now. Of course we never asked or expected him to fill that role, we were relentless in nagging him to drink with us, it was just in his nature to be overly protective and overly generous and everything good and adult like that. I remember once when we stayed at J-Mu's cabin he even dragged B-hawk across the room by his neck when he tried to crawl in bed with Samantha and I. And B-hawk screamed like the girl in the first Jurassic Park. Boo, hiss...I hate growing apart.
In any case, this nannying job has convinced me that I don't think I want to have kids of my own anymore. Not that I planned to have them for at least fifteen years. They're just too tiring. I can't imagine coming home after a day of work only to be faced with four hours of warring with children. They become your entire life. I already feel like Till and Te are my entire life and they're not even my children! BUT. That being said, nannying also has me convinced that I should have kids. I am impossibly good with them. I am stricter than their parents by far, but kids need boundaries to function correctly and they are becoming better behaved already. Aaaand, we are still having quite a lot of fun. Well...they are having fun. And I am beginning to. Today we went to the park and we played soccer. Tomorrow we are going to Nursery Rhyme Time at the library. And since its the last day of our week, I am actually going to let them watch a Madeline/Veggie Tales movie.
Monday, February 2, 2009
I have a secret crush.
Brody Jenner is seriously cute. Overrated perhaps, but definitely my celebreality crush.
"Her mom was illiterate so when she filled out the Birth Certificate she just wrote random letters like 'xyaggersch'. But the daughter's name was actually Tangerine, because the mom liked how that sounded. So on the first day of school every year the teacher would get to her name and be like 'umm, x-yag-ge...' and she would be like 'oh, its Tangerine."
-Contessadora's dinner table monologue. I don't know where she gets this stuff,
"Her mom was illiterate so when she filled out the Birth Certificate she just wrote random letters like 'xyaggersch'. But the daughter's name was actually Tangerine, because the mom liked how that sounded. So on the first day of school every year the teacher would get to her name and be like 'umm, x-yag-ge...' and she would be like 'oh, its Tangerine."
-Contessadora's dinner table monologue. I don't know where she gets this stuff,
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Oh My God.
I have just noticed that I have a tiny chip out of my front tooth. Fuck. I should probably just shoot myself now.
.........
I am about as depressed as I get. You think a lack of happiness would just make me feel neutral, but no...I feel distinctly terrible. I have nothing in the immediate future to look forward to other than spending my one day off doing taxes, applying for student loans/scholarships/financial aid, going to the bank, and removing the two feet worth of junk off my bedroom floor by 8pm so that it doesn't get confiscated by my father (yes, I am ten years old). And then I have a week of work. I think my next day off may be next-next Friday.
Josh called this morning. It is difficult for me to remember exactly what was said because the phone woke me up and I was fighting to be conscious enough to communicate for most of the conversation. What I do remember is that he said he is leaving for Australia on February 18th. From there who knows if I will hear from him again since he won't have my phone number and I won't have his. And email would be an option but he told me point blank that he will not write to me because in my last email (I have been writing to him about once every three weeks since we broke up and he has never responded), I didn't tell him what he wanted to hear...which was that I miss him and can't live without him. And then he said that he had to go.
The only thing that I am remotely happy about at the moment is that tonight at work another waitress completely out of nowhere told me that after seeing Ted and I arguing last week she thought I could definitely take Ted in a fight. That pleases me.
But I still feel like crying. Seriously. What is there to look forward to at all? When I was in high school I loved my life. I would literally tear up sometimes when I went to bed at night because I was so excited to wake up the next day and live. I would listen to Jimmy Eat World at two in the morning and feel absolutely blissful. School was easy and we had so much extra time on our hands that we spent all day playing silly games, having water-drinking contests and stealing things like giant globes just to see if we could put them back without getting caught. We would wake up hours before school to bike there in the freezing cold, sometimes making huge chalk murals for our friends on the way. I still had my angsty days, but it was the exciting kind of angst that Lit songs were about. My biggest worry then was that my new boyfriend wouldn't like me quite as much when he found out about my obsession with all things Disney.
I don't know what happened to me. I don't know where my essence went. I am crossing my fingers that it didn't disappear on May 2nd 2006. Maybe that was more my loss of innocence slash trust in the world, yada yada, that went away then. Anyway, I am not even upset about how emo I sound right now because I feel way too shitty to even care.......and THAT is truly disturbing.
Josh called this morning. It is difficult for me to remember exactly what was said because the phone woke me up and I was fighting to be conscious enough to communicate for most of the conversation. What I do remember is that he said he is leaving for Australia on February 18th. From there who knows if I will hear from him again since he won't have my phone number and I won't have his. And email would be an option but he told me point blank that he will not write to me because in my last email (I have been writing to him about once every three weeks since we broke up and he has never responded), I didn't tell him what he wanted to hear...which was that I miss him and can't live without him. And then he said that he had to go.
The only thing that I am remotely happy about at the moment is that tonight at work another waitress completely out of nowhere told me that after seeing Ted and I arguing last week she thought I could definitely take Ted in a fight. That pleases me.
But I still feel like crying. Seriously. What is there to look forward to at all? When I was in high school I loved my life. I would literally tear up sometimes when I went to bed at night because I was so excited to wake up the next day and live. I would listen to Jimmy Eat World at two in the morning and feel absolutely blissful. School was easy and we had so much extra time on our hands that we spent all day playing silly games, having water-drinking contests and stealing things like giant globes just to see if we could put them back without getting caught. We would wake up hours before school to bike there in the freezing cold, sometimes making huge chalk murals for our friends on the way. I still had my angsty days, but it was the exciting kind of angst that Lit songs were about. My biggest worry then was that my new boyfriend wouldn't like me quite as much when he found out about my obsession with all things Disney.
I don't know what happened to me. I don't know where my essence went. I am crossing my fingers that it didn't disappear on May 2nd 2006. Maybe that was more my loss of innocence slash trust in the world, yada yada, that went away then. Anyway, I am not even upset about how emo I sound right now because I feel way too shitty to even care.......and THAT is truly disturbing.
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