Law School Boys

They are so weird. Especially the ones that randomly come to hang out in our kitchen. Because they are obviously guests in our apartment, but they get real rude and it is absurd.

Today's Example:

[Massive girl talk going on . . . sadly interrupted by knock on the door.]

Boy: Hey, I just stopped by with this bottle of alcohol.

Roommate: Why is there no label on it?

Boy: I ripped it off. It's a mystery. We'll all do a taste test together. [Read- he is both sexually frustrated and sketchy]

Me: I mean that's Tito's Vodka because it has the bronze cap.

Boy: Yes.

[Everyone else takes shots while I try to submit a job application . . . public interest woes]

Boy: Let's go to Sonoma. I will take you all it will be great. I will show you everything.

Roomate: But who will be the designated driver?

Boy: Her (pointing to me).

Me: Ew. Who are you. [Read- Not even Dom Perigno will be able to buy your way back into this apt again.]

I hate rude boys.

Good Days and Yummy Drinks

Yay for peace in la casa!

In honor of that . . .

Recipe for Kiwinis:

Peel and cut kiwis (as many kiwis as servings) into quarters and blend in blender/food processor.

Halve strawberries (or peel and dice peaches) and blend.

Pour kiwi into the bottom of champagne glasses.

Pour strawberry or peach blend on top of the kiwi layer.

Add prosecco (or champagne) on top.

You can add OJ for sweetness if you want.

It will turn out looking adorable with three distinct layers and you can mix them after serving.

XOXO

I wish that . . .

I did not have "Ryan started the fire" stuck in my head

The Victoria's Secret store here would sell UW gear

I knew that I would not be unemployed next year

I could find a white apron for my Halloween costume

I could be playing Settlers.

The Worst

I thought losing my best friend was hard, but this is harder. I understand that she can't control how she feels and that it isn't her fault but I wonder if she knows how much this is hurting the rest of us. No parent should have to wake up in the morning and wonder if this is the last day they will have with their child. I am really really good at denial and making myself not feel, but it's hard for me to stay that way when I see how badly my parents are doing. And after seeing them so justifiably concerned that the worst might happen, how can I sleep at night without wondering if when I go back to school that will be the last time I ever see her?

I feel like we are all trying really hard to smile and shop and eat and have fun and all the while we are slowly freezing to death. All of us. Because if she goes, I don't know how the rest of us will survive.

2000-and late

Things I thought I would be doing this summer: R and R and learning about the differences between Alabama and Georgia criminal law and Hotlanta boys.

Things I did not think I would be doing this summer: Insomnia and learning about the differences between voluntary and involuntary commitment and re-starting down the same dead end path.

Solution: DENIAL yay.

There is only one way to deal with toxic people...

Cut them out like cancer. Overdramatic? A bit. But that's how I feel right now. I lost one best friend to leukemia...now I lost another to racism. What. The. Fuck.

Anyway, as much as I wish this wasn't the end of it, it just is. I can't be friends with someone who once made me regret who and what I am.

And what's even more tragic is that I am pretty sure that he is just going to turn it around and do the exact same thing to some other girl. I hope she is stronger than I was.

Mmmm.

There is nothing worse than looking for reassurance and being met with tempered analysis.

Only in this family... 2d Ed.

Me: "What's that on the tip of your nose?"
The Madre: "It might be Almond Roca."

Me: "If I eat that chicken it will make me feel sick."
The Madre: "So eat some shrimp or bread or sour patch kids." And, "don't neglect to notice the olives I got you."


Dad on a rampage...
Accidentally shutting of the computer: "DARN IT! There goes my facebook upload. Get this toilet paper off the table! Toilet paper, nail clippers, what is this? Who hacked into this chicken?? Did someone eat this?"

Pop Music Fail

It is so not a good thing when you hear your little sister sing "Let's get drunk and forget what we did."

T-Pain is the proximate cause of that good girl gone bad.

Only in this family...

Yoster: "Dang it, the chocolate I got on the computer melted."

Oster: "Yeah, I hate it when that happens. At least it's not peanut butter this time."

Anti-Arizona Charlie's and Obama Man

http://www.lasvegassun.com/news/2009/dec/29/police-half-naked-fabulous-sign-vandal-was-protest/

...Because when you want to really make a statement, its always best to wear a "protest barrel".

Jailhouse Crafts

Martha Stewart has tips on the inside of Dove chocolates now. Things like "Use old woven scarves to make Christmas stockings." First of all, that is an inane tip. Second, I don't want to be thinking about chores when I am indulging in chocolate. Third, if I am eating these holiday chocolates on Christmas you can bet I am not going to whip out a new stocking ahora pronto pronto. And fourth, I would rather be reading interesting tidbits like "If you are in prison, have your people bake you a cake with shiv materials hidden inside a la Money pudding." (Shout out to Gma.)




PS- I would rather spend a night with Martha than go back to PalAl on Sunday, and that is a scary thought.

Family Fun...NOT

You know those movies that you think are great slash really want to see, and you rep them to everyone and your sister....and then you sit down and watch it with your sister/mother/FATHER and all of a sudden you realize that what was seemingly harmless before now looks like incestuous porn? Its a terrible experience that everyone should avoid. Trying to look bored and unamused for your family while watching two actors raucously getting it on is not an easy feat. I am pretty sure I generally miss the mark and end up doing a constipated Chris Matthews impression instead.

Anyway, be forewarned that seeing the following with your parental unit et al may or may not be a moderate debacle (if you are as awk as me)....
- We Own the Night...trust me, Eva Mendez getting herself off is NOT HOT when you're with your dad. .
- Up in the Air...slightly blushworthy
- Borat...not a good idea
- Bruno...Enough said. I would rather be smacked in the face with his junk than have to watch it fly around the screen while sitting next to my parents.
- One episode of the Tudors...if you saw it, you know the one



In other news, I thought I would be less of a hot mess if I got away from law school for awhile, but so far its an epic fail. Yesterday I spilled evaporated milk all over my fuggs. Today I spilled whole milk all over my fuggs (and the entire floor). I am also pretty sure that I broke my toe. A bird spit red berry goo into my sweatshirt hood. My sister projectile vomited all over my blanket. I dumped my coffee on the carpet. Roo went buckwild and razed my pointer finger. And I have a inexplicable bruise on my leg that is the size of a small orange. I mean, wtfuck! Can't I catch a break? ...Cobra Starship, take me away...

How to Make JD = Just Dollaz

F and I are going to write a book called He May Or May Not Be Into You: A Girl's Guide to Law School Dating. And yes it will be based on our moderately f-ed up and for serially dramatic real-life misadventures.

Basically, we are going to make bank.




Also:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=law%20school%20goggles *

*This link is in no way a commentary on me slash my friends. Only other people. You know who you are...

You Might Be From Bmore If...

[From the You Call it Ghetto...I Call it Resourceful Fbook Group]

"lose ur remote a lot.....put that shit on a leash and attach it to the end of yo couch"

"I had like 1 damn dollar on my way to school, hadnt had breakfast or anything. i was hungry but oh so broke, so I came up with the 1 dollar program. works everytime.
1) a peppermint for 10 cents which i would crush and eat sliver by sliver (gotta make things last, ya know)
2)a 50 cent soda (the biggest one they had) and i would make it last the whole day by keeping itoutside the window, nice and cold
3) with the remaining 40 cents, I would get a bag of chips or those sketchy little oatmeal cookies that come 3 in a pack. and then three pieces of 5 cent gum. or I would bet the change in some stupid card game that was going on during class and hope for the best, Loll."



"I'm hungry, and there's really no food at home. I have bread though but no butter or jam. I do have ketchup tho as well as polly-o string cheese. So i peel up the polly-o string cheese, sprinkle it over the slice of bread, then spread ketchup over it as evenly as possible, place it in the toaster oven on 375F for 5-10 minutes and just like that, i have ghetto pizza. "

"so today i went 2 starbucks..idk why cuz i had no money. i saw that at the lil station wit napkins n stuff there was milk for ur coffee n vanilla, chocolate, n cinnamon powder for ur w/e else..so i asked the lady for a cup and went 2 work in the lab (that counter)..free drink"


"the dollar menu is my def of resourceful, four people get a meal on 4 bucks.
two double cheese burgers w/ some white bread & u got four single-patty burgers
get a $1 sweet tea & three cups of "courtsey water" & split the 32 ounce
dollar fries & ask them to drop some in the bottom of the bag
shoot, that last dollar goes to dessert, two apple pies in half...lol, everyones happy"

Top Fives

Top 5 Foods:
Barbecued Ribs
Stuffed spinach Chicago-style pizza
Mexican rice with sour cream
Olives and olive-y mushrooms and capers
The sandwich

Top 5 Movie Characters That Remind Me of Me:
Gigi - He's Just Not That Into You
Julie - Julie and Julia..."Just for once could you not look on the bright side?"
Jane (Katherine Heigl) - 27 Dresses
Amelie - Amelie
Emma - Emma

Top 5 Movie Characters That I Wish Reminded Me of Me:
Viola (Amanda Bynes) - She's the Man
Julia Child - Julie and Julia
Bones - Bones (its a show, but its as good as a movie, so pshaw)
Mulan - Mulan
Elizabeth - Pride and Prejudice

Top 5 Terribles:
Feeling jealous (doubly as bad when there is reason for you to feel that way)
Mispelling words and getting caught
Feeling so hungry you feel nauseated
Your face getting rounder
Being sweaty when you're cold (shout out to SLL)

Top 5 Smells:
Popcorn
Bacon
Aqua du Gio cologne
Anise Anise perfume
Chocolate chip cookies baking

Top 5 Songs ATM:
Concerning Hobbits - Lord of the Rings
1981 - The Tough Alliance
Replay - Iyaz
All the Above - Maino
Keep On Trying - Poco

Contracts, ILY

Dear Stanford,

Hire my prof. He is baller.

Thx,
me

PS- He's not the reason I flunked.


Asimow:

"Okay, so this guy is a nut, but it's his egg farm."


"Well, what you're buying is . . . essentially horse semen . . . but, no I don't think that the UCC applies here."

"Its too bad if you feel like a hound dog that has eaten a rotten skunk."

"If you want to fight the union, fight the union, but it doesn't let you off the hook to your k."

"Let's add on 10 million dollars because you're a bastard."

(On UCC 2-207) "Thank you for your offer. It is rejected!"

" Experts are in very bad disgrace in the law, because they are for sale. They are prostitutes."

"You can't handle the bottom line!"

"Breaches come in all shapes and sizes."

Someone is trying to poison me...

Clearly they have realized that I am the biggest threat in our class and they want to steal my H.

More mistakes

Apparently I am just terrible. Just terrible. I always take people for granted who turn out to be amazing, and often invest too much time in people who turn out to be mediocre. This is not to say that the mediocre people suck....just that it would be excellent if I would start to realize how cool the people are that are staring me in the face in the first place.

Story of my life.

Literally. Take Stephan for example. Where was he junior year? Fuck if I know. The first time that he exploded into my consciousness was when we got crunk and buried treasure in the quad. Before that he was definitely around....just in a way less obvious way. And we eventually did get to be good friends, but I wish that I hadn't wasted so much time.

And time wasting is for sure what I am doing once again. One big problem is that I think that the coolest people are the most elusive people. Not true. What kind of epiphany is it going to take me to realize that the people that are most enjoyable are not the hard-to-get ones, they're the ones who accept you in the beginning, connect with you and want to hang out with you. The truly amazing people are the ones who choose YOU. I know this, but in real time it is very hard for me to realize this. But its true. And I can name two hands worth of people who I have overlooked or undervalued or just not noticed....and I bet $200 that these ones will end up being my all-time favorites within the next three years.

I feel much, much better.

Also, I need to recognize that people thinking that I am second best does not mean that I can automatically pretend that they are not on my radar. They will get offended and I will get a bad reputation. I need to step up and not be such an emo kid.

Hearts.

Orientation Inevitabilities

The most interesting people are always the ones that I misjudge at first.

Notable mentions so far...

1. Serious Boy

Not a straight-up nerd per se, but all packaged up with techno glasses, conscientious class participation and a refusal to laugh at professors' jokes.

Game-changing move: Hooked up with two girls in one night. I witnessed one of the hook-ups myself. The collision of tongues was intense enough to qualify as both softcore (like porn) and hardcore (like a traffic accident)...Either way, impossible to not stare at.

New classification: Player Boy.

2. Pill Commercial Girl

She looks like one of bikini-clad synchro swimmers in the Seasonel birth control commercials. Gorgeous and poised. And in a hard-core relationship, like most all gorgeous, poised 20-somethings.

Game-changing move: Hooked up with rotund boy at club.

New Classification: Crazy...I mean wtfuck? She's gorgeous, he's not, and he is a republican. Poor choice, hon. I mean no real judgment here, just shock.

3. Frizz Girl

I just want to condition her hair. And I am not usually one to talk about that delicate subject since I suffer from humidity-induced half-fros on a regular basis. Anyway, I just assumed that boys would not consider her the most bangin' babe ever because of the frizz halo and the spit-saturated way that she speaks.

Game-changing move: She literally attracts strangers off the sidewalk. And now she is casually dating one of these "hey baby can I get yo digits" boys. I think that in my initial analysis I did not take into account the effect of big boobs. Sounds crass, but so are random guys, right?

New Classification: Holla back girl.

4. Going Places Guy

He is easily the most concerned with the future person that I have encountered here so far. He did not mince words in telling me that according to past precedent, I can kiss my chances of a worthwhile clerkship goodbye if I don't get Honors in my first semester.

Game changing move: TOTALLY broke it down at the club. He went lower than most girls even dare, and was not shy about attempting a grind-up multiple times. Also suddenly insisted on paying for EVERYTHING. I'm talking shots, pizza, t-shirts and taxis. He was shoving money in our hands, purses and pockets until we felt like strippers. Basically, he bankrolled the entire night apart from the round of drinks that his roommate bought and the round of turtles* that his other roommate threw down for.

New Classification: High Roller.

*balloon animal corsages.

I am actually fully in support of all these individuals. I like being surprised, even if the surprise is of the sleazy, slut-muffin variety.

"You forget a space in your citation. No H for you, bitch!"