Today was a shit storm.
In addition to having WWIII waged in my throat while I was at work, I also had to sit through a nonconsensual blind date.
A certain waitress at my work has been going on for months about how she wants to hook me up with her brother because he would "treat me like gold" and because "he owns a house" and "likes naive girls" and "wants to settle down". Can you say, "not at all a turn on"? And, for most of that time I was dating Josh anyway and had no desire to look elsewhere. And now that Josh and I are no longer dating I am still 100% NOT interested in being hooked up with someone's 27 year-old brother. I made myself clear on that point too.
Yet, while the two of us were working today this waitress misled her brother into driving all the way to the restaurant to sit in the waiters' booth with us and make me awkward. Damn it, I couldn't even escape after a polite period of time because I was on the clock!
And its not like he was unattractive or anything, but 27 is much too old for me. I already look like I am 15, so if I ever dated this guy it would look like I was out with a big bro slash pedophile. Which, with me, is sometimes unavoidable, but still...
Anyway, it was so thoroughly awkward that I could feel cortisol pumping through my veins the entire time.
Here are some little nuggets from the conversation:
Her: "Hey bro, did I tell you that Phoebe won the Miss Congeniality award at work?"
Him: "No you didn't, but she doesn't seem that congenial....yet."
Me: [dropping silverware] "shit."
Him: "Ooh, when you told me about her on the phone you told me that she didn't have a foul mouth."
Them: [talking in another language together]
I didn't know whether to be more upset that he thought an inadvertent "shit" qualified me as having a foul mouth or that she had obviously said that I was too naive/prudish to swear, which is so typical of everyone at the restaurant.
It was odd and completely blush-worthy. Luckily he got the hint and left. But I still felt dirty afterwards. And it didn't help that every sentence he said to or about me sounded like he had meant for it to end with "in bed".
"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiicoolaaaaaaa."
-A commercial
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Pobre Sita
There is napalm in my throat and it ignites every time I swallow (no crude jokes). Do you think they will let me take work off if I am not able to sleep?
The answer is no.
Oh, and I have to fight a boy at work. So I'm finally going to buy that mace I've been talking about.
The answer is no.
Oh, and I have to fight a boy at work. So I'm finally going to buy that mace I've been talking about.
Friday, January 2, 2009
We sing. We dance. We steal things.
Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks, now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out, I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some
But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours
Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment people, dance and sing
We're just one big family
And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved
So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate, our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
D-d-do do you, but do you, d-d-do
But do you want to come on
Scooch on over closer dear
And I will nibble your ear
I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and I laughed
I guess what I be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do, our name is our virtue
But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours
Come on and open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours
So please don't, there's no need
There's no need to complicate
'Cause our time is short
This is, this is, this is our fate
I'm yours
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks, now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out, I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some
But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours
Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment people, dance and sing
We're just one big family
And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved
So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate, our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
D-d-do do you, but do you, d-d-do
But do you want to come on
Scooch on over closer dear
And I will nibble your ear
I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and I laughed
I guess what I be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do, our name is our virtue
But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours
Come on and open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours
So please don't, there's no need
There's no need to complicate
'Cause our time is short
This is, this is, this is our fate
I'm yours
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Stream of Conscience
They say that people are wired to do evil. Humans are egocentric and selfish above all other traits. And that personal survival (or that of our genes) is our most innate and ingrained motive for any type of action.
As far as evolution goes, that's probably true. The species that have survived over millions of years are those that best protect their genetic code through self-preservation, altruism or whatever worked best.
I'm not stupid. And I believe in evolution, survival of the fittest, etc. But we've come to a new dawn in civilization. Survival of the fittest has a far different meaning than it did. It's not about physical strength or mental prowess anymore. In the first world at least, the competition for survival does not determine who will live long enough to have offspring, it determines who will live the longest and whose offspring will have a better chance of securing placement within the ruling class.
Survival instincts have become obsolete in determining true survival.
But what are underneath these basic self-serving tendencies are another far more interesting set of traits. We have come so far past considering basic survival that the concern of the modern world is preserving one's own happiness...whatever that means. Clearly, amassing enough wealth to ensure the comfortable existence of all kin is one of the first steps to happiness. But then what?
I think what we will find is that humans are all wired similarly. Whether it is in our genes or in some more elusive general conscience, after everything else, a certain level of charity is absolutely required in order to be happy. I don't think it is a choice to have moral instincts, I don't think it runs counter to our basic make-up. I don't even think that anyone in the entire world can be satisfied living a life that doesn't include compassion.
It is a fact of life that you will never be happy if you concentrate only on yourself or your family. Even psychiatrists will say that the best way to recover from loss is to take care of someone else. To make yourself concerned with the well-being of some one not wholly connected to you.
This has been very long-winded and not all that focused....not very groundbreaking at all. But what I mean to say is that I firmly believe that while humans may have selfish instincts, having them is no excuse for acting on them. And that in the end, we have just as strong instincts for generosity. You cannot be happy without being somewhat selfless at times (though that makes the word selfless somewhat less applicable, I think it still applies because even if people benefit internally from acts of kindness, that is never a strong enough motivation for initiating the act initially). And in a world so focused on attaining a sexy, sensual state of nirvana it is inevitable that a lucky portion of society will evolve to incorporate compassion and charity into their general state of existence.
A lot of people wonder who I think will go to heaven. People ask me if I am a traditional Christian in an effort to test whether I have the cojones to tell them that I think that they (as a non-Christian) are going to hell. But that is not necessarily the traditional Christian belief....and, in any case, I am not a traditional Christian. I do believe in heaven and perhaps in hell too. But, I think that who goes to heaven and hell is a decision completely devoid of any litmus test that mere mortals would comprehend. If I had to guess, though. Based on what I believe. I would say that in addition to and in conjunction with the "traditional Christian" notion of belief saving you, acts are equally important. And the lucky portion of society that is able to include goodwill as a staple of life will be saved too.
And, while I'm at it, I don't think that simple belief will necessarily save anyone. Most, yes. But not all those who claim faith. Because belief cannot be genuine in a life devoid of selflessness. Acts are meaningful without explicit belief, but belief without action does little more than give Christianity a bad name.
"For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also."
James 2:26
People have overlooked the significance of James for far too long.
As far as evolution goes, that's probably true. The species that have survived over millions of years are those that best protect their genetic code through self-preservation, altruism or whatever worked best.
I'm not stupid. And I believe in evolution, survival of the fittest, etc. But we've come to a new dawn in civilization. Survival of the fittest has a far different meaning than it did. It's not about physical strength or mental prowess anymore. In the first world at least, the competition for survival does not determine who will live long enough to have offspring, it determines who will live the longest and whose offspring will have a better chance of securing placement within the ruling class.
Survival instincts have become obsolete in determining true survival.
But what are underneath these basic self-serving tendencies are another far more interesting set of traits. We have come so far past considering basic survival that the concern of the modern world is preserving one's own happiness...whatever that means. Clearly, amassing enough wealth to ensure the comfortable existence of all kin is one of the first steps to happiness. But then what?
I think what we will find is that humans are all wired similarly. Whether it is in our genes or in some more elusive general conscience, after everything else, a certain level of charity is absolutely required in order to be happy. I don't think it is a choice to have moral instincts, I don't think it runs counter to our basic make-up. I don't even think that anyone in the entire world can be satisfied living a life that doesn't include compassion.
It is a fact of life that you will never be happy if you concentrate only on yourself or your family. Even psychiatrists will say that the best way to recover from loss is to take care of someone else. To make yourself concerned with the well-being of some one not wholly connected to you.
This has been very long-winded and not all that focused....not very groundbreaking at all. But what I mean to say is that I firmly believe that while humans may have selfish instincts, having them is no excuse for acting on them. And that in the end, we have just as strong instincts for generosity. You cannot be happy without being somewhat selfless at times (though that makes the word selfless somewhat less applicable, I think it still applies because even if people benefit internally from acts of kindness, that is never a strong enough motivation for initiating the act initially). And in a world so focused on attaining a sexy, sensual state of nirvana it is inevitable that a lucky portion of society will evolve to incorporate compassion and charity into their general state of existence.
A lot of people wonder who I think will go to heaven. People ask me if I am a traditional Christian in an effort to test whether I have the cojones to tell them that I think that they (as a non-Christian) are going to hell. But that is not necessarily the traditional Christian belief....and, in any case, I am not a traditional Christian. I do believe in heaven and perhaps in hell too. But, I think that who goes to heaven and hell is a decision completely devoid of any litmus test that mere mortals would comprehend. If I had to guess, though. Based on what I believe. I would say that in addition to and in conjunction with the "traditional Christian" notion of belief saving you, acts are equally important. And the lucky portion of society that is able to include goodwill as a staple of life will be saved too.
And, while I'm at it, I don't think that simple belief will necessarily save anyone. Most, yes. But not all those who claim faith. Because belief cannot be genuine in a life devoid of selflessness. Acts are meaningful without explicit belief, but belief without action does little more than give Christianity a bad name.
"For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also."
James 2:26
People have overlooked the significance of James for far too long.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Excerpts
My sister: "I would like a blow torch."
My mother: "I could guess that."
"Them apple bottom jeans and the boots with the fur..."
-My sister, at Hampton Mansion
"Your nose is so red, mom!"
-Me
"Well, your whole face is red."
-My mother
"If I tell you now what I think you are insecure about, then I won't be able to use it as ammunition later when I am mad at you."
-Aaron
"Woof!"
-My grandmother taking a family picture and attempting to get our attention.
My mother: "I could guess that."
"Them apple bottom jeans and the boots with the fur..."
-My sister, at Hampton Mansion
"Your nose is so red, mom!"
-Me
"Well, your whole face is red."
-My mother
"If I tell you now what I think you are insecure about, then I won't be able to use it as ammunition later when I am mad at you."
-Aaron
"Woof!"
-My grandmother taking a family picture and attempting to get our attention.
Monday, December 29, 2008
A short, egocentric tantrum
I think it is pretty clear that I will never find a place to fit in. Am I being emo? Yes. But that doesn't mean what I'm saying isn't true.
It's hard for me to get to know people because I'm shy. I don't have a magnetic personality like so many other girls I know. I'm not charming when you first meet me...or really at all. I'm nice, but in a boring way.
And even if someone puts in the prolonged effort required to get to know me, it doesn't mean that they will like what they find. My relatives are unhappy because I am much too liberal for their taste, and my grandmother in particular worries that my interest in the "anti-Christian" organization that is the ACLU will send me down a path to *gasp* something bad....heathenism, atheism, hell, or sin in general.
In a similar vein, I don't think I will ever fit in with people at a church. Even the Mennonites are too socially conservative, too boring, and too...pious...??? Is that bad to say? I mean, its hard to feel like you belong to a group who would aneurysm if they knew that you were a fan of tequila shots with salt and lime.
On the other hand, the friends that I am closest with, that fill all the holes left by my family, etc, they don't really get all the parts of my life. Some of them can't understand why I am weirded out by their belief that chemicals and pheromones completely define our personalities, choices and lives. Others oscillate between suspicion that I am secretly trying to convert them, and willfully misunderstanding what me and people like me do believe.
The only person I have ever met that is at all similar to me with regard to politics versus religion is Will. And he is gay.
Argh, I am so unimpressed. With a lot of things. Especially myself. Embarrassing.
It's hard for me to get to know people because I'm shy. I don't have a magnetic personality like so many other girls I know. I'm not charming when you first meet me...or really at all. I'm nice, but in a boring way.
And even if someone puts in the prolonged effort required to get to know me, it doesn't mean that they will like what they find. My relatives are unhappy because I am much too liberal for their taste, and my grandmother in particular worries that my interest in the "anti-Christian" organization that is the ACLU will send me down a path to *gasp* something bad....heathenism, atheism, hell, or sin in general.
In a similar vein, I don't think I will ever fit in with people at a church. Even the Mennonites are too socially conservative, too boring, and too...pious...??? Is that bad to say? I mean, its hard to feel like you belong to a group who would aneurysm if they knew that you were a fan of tequila shots with salt and lime.
On the other hand, the friends that I am closest with, that fill all the holes left by my family, etc, they don't really get all the parts of my life. Some of them can't understand why I am weirded out by their belief that chemicals and pheromones completely define our personalities, choices and lives. Others oscillate between suspicion that I am secretly trying to convert them, and willfully misunderstanding what me and people like me do believe.
The only person I have ever met that is at all similar to me with regard to politics versus religion is Will. And he is gay.
Argh, I am so unimpressed. With a lot of things. Especially myself. Embarrassing.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Eves Are Cozy
Lynchburg, VA. Yeehaw! ....Amen is actually more like it.
You know that you are far far away from Seattle when everything is called Liberty. Falwell's Liberty University, Liberty High, Liberty Middle and Elementary School and Liberty Bitty Bulldog's Cheer Squad, which my little cousin is a member of.
The Christmas Eve service at my aunt and uncle's church opened with, "So who went to WalMart today?" The scary part was that more than half of the congregation raised their hands. Other than that, a good time was had by all. Particularly by my grandmother who is a fan of belting out carols in the highest key possible. All these prissy lacrosse mom types were turning around and looking to see where all the noise was coming from. And then they caught an eyeful of me glaring at them, unwashed in my mom's 60's down puffer vest and hat and they turned back around. Yes, I am a G.
Don't worry, I will shower tomorrow before anyone captures me on film.
Interesting factoids from the Christmas Eve dinner table:
If you put a steak in a bowl of Coke it will disappear by the morning.
-My sister...perhaps this is not actually true, but she swears by the YouTube video she saw.
If you put a snake in a bowl of Coke it will disappear by the morning!
-My grandmother mishearing and repeating what my sister said. Though I don't doubt that any Coke-sodden snake would be gone by morning.
If domesticated pigs end up back in the wild, they will grow hair and tusks and become extreme beasts a la Lord of the Flies.
-I disputed the truth of my dad's claim here, but he shut me down by hooking up the "internets" and "putting me on the line".
There is a place in Michigan where a bunch of farm pigs got lose in the bush, and now for a huge fee you can go there and shoot one.
-Dad/internet.
If you are standing on the magnetic North Pole holding a compass, contrary to popular belief (among the little cousins), it will not point down.
-My nuclear something (physicist?) uncle.
Happy happy Christmas, y'all!
"Do you ever go to thrift stores? Well if you find a bathing suit in a size 22, then you should buy it and send it to me."
-My grandmother's crazy friend, Dolores, requesting some swimwear from my mother when they spoke at church.
You know that you are far far away from Seattle when everything is called Liberty. Falwell's Liberty University, Liberty High, Liberty Middle and Elementary School and Liberty Bitty Bulldog's Cheer Squad, which my little cousin is a member of.
The Christmas Eve service at my aunt and uncle's church opened with, "So who went to WalMart today?" The scary part was that more than half of the congregation raised their hands. Other than that, a good time was had by all. Particularly by my grandmother who is a fan of belting out carols in the highest key possible. All these prissy lacrosse mom types were turning around and looking to see where all the noise was coming from. And then they caught an eyeful of me glaring at them, unwashed in my mom's 60's down puffer vest and hat and they turned back around. Yes, I am a G.
Don't worry, I will shower tomorrow before anyone captures me on film.
Interesting factoids from the Christmas Eve dinner table:
If you put a steak in a bowl of Coke it will disappear by the morning.
-My sister...perhaps this is not actually true, but she swears by the YouTube video she saw.
If you put a snake in a bowl of Coke it will disappear by the morning!
-My grandmother mishearing and repeating what my sister said. Though I don't doubt that any Coke-sodden snake would be gone by morning.
If domesticated pigs end up back in the wild, they will grow hair and tusks and become extreme beasts a la Lord of the Flies.
-I disputed the truth of my dad's claim here, but he shut me down by hooking up the "internets" and "putting me on the line".
There is a place in Michigan where a bunch of farm pigs got lose in the bush, and now for a huge fee you can go there and shoot one.
-Dad/internet.
If you are standing on the magnetic North Pole holding a compass, contrary to popular belief (among the little cousins), it will not point down.
-My nuclear something (physicist?) uncle.
Happy happy Christmas, y'all!
"Do you ever go to thrift stores? Well if you find a bathing suit in a size 22, then you should buy it and send it to me."
-My grandmother's crazy friend, Dolores, requesting some swimwear from my mother when they spoke at church.
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